Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and a packet of Persil?
A: Persil contains no bleach.
Q: What word isn't in an Essex girl's vocabulary?
A: No.
Q: How do you drown an Essex girl?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of a swimming pool.
Q: What does an Essex girl keep in her handbag?
A: Her knickers.
Essex Man: If I'd known you were a virgin I'd've taken more time.
Essex girl: If I'd known you 'ad more time I'd've taken me tights off.
Q: Why does an Essex girl ask her boyfriend to shut his eyes during oral sex?
A: So he can't see her roots.
Q: Why is an Essex girl like a long-distance hitch-hiker?
A: They both go all the way.
Q: Why does Essex girl shave her pubic hair?
A: She thinks designer stubble looks good on a man's face.
Q: What's an Essex Girl's mating cry?
A: God I'm pissed!
Q: Why aren't there human sacrifices in Essex any more?
A: Have you ever tried finding a virgin in Essex?
Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and a Kit Kat?
A: You only get 4 fingers in a Kit Kat.
Q: What have Essex girl and Oliver Twist got in common?
A: Both asked a man for more.
Q: Why don't Essex girls wear knickers when speeding round the M25?
A: They like to be picked up by the fuzz.
Warren: Cor, I couldn't arf giver 'er one!
Tracey (overhearing): What d'you mean, ONE?
Q: How does an Essex Girl relieve stress?
A: Changes hands.
Q: What's the difference between an Essex Girl and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: Why is an Essex Girl like a party political broadcast?
A: Both are just clap-trap.
Q: What does an Essex Girl have stitched on the front of her knickers?
A: Please replace when you've finished.
Music Shop Customer: Excuse me, have you got 'Air on the G String?'
Essex Girl Assistant: Nah, I always shave me pubes.
Q: What's the similarity between Essex girl and an envelope?
A: Both need a good licking before they shut up.
Q: Why did Essex girl take all her clothes off while on the phone?
A: Cos her boyfriend said he'd visit her if had nothing on.
Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and a bus?
A: You have to wait for a bus to come before you jump on it.
Q: How does an Essex girl know if a bloke fancies her?
A: He sticks one hand up her skirt to see if she's wearing knickers.
Q: What's the difference between Santa and Essex Girl?
A: Santa only comes once a year.
Tracey: Would you take an advantage of a girl who'd 'ad too much to drink?
Wayne : No, luv.
Tracey: That's it, I'm off.
Q: What is the difference between Essex Girl's clitoris and a pub?
A: Essex Boy can find the pub.
Sharon: Wayne, if I told you this was my first time, wot would you say?
Wayne: April Fools Day was last month Sharon.
Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and Rubiks Cube?
A: You need both hands and more than 5 minutes to do a Rubik's Cube.
Essex Man: 'Allo, luv it's me.
Sharon: Who's that?
Essex Man: The guy that had you behind the pub last night.
Sharon: Was that the Rose & Crown, Red Lion or the Rising Sun?
Q: What's the difference between an Essex Girl and a Christmas Present?
A: You always get what you want from an Essex Girl.
Q: What do you call an Essex Girl who screws ten men a day?
A: An underachiever.
Q: What's the difference between the Old Kent Road and an Essex Girl?
A: Not everyone has been up the Old Kent Road.