Q: An Essex girl asks her boyfriend to kiss her somewhere wet, warm and smelly A: He took her to Canvey Island.
Q: Why did the Essex girl complain of sexual harassment in the office?
A: The boss asked her to get down to some hard work.
Q: What is the difference between the Titanic and an Essex girl?
A: Only 1500 men went down on the Titanic.
Q: What is the difference between Essex girl and the Moby Dick?
A: The Moby Dick swallowed less seamen.
Q: Why is an Essex girl like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when f*cked.
Essex Couple at a Southend United football match: Kevin: Great tackle!
Sharon: An' a neat arse.
Q: Why did the Essex girl fail her driving test?
A: She forgot to check the mirror before going down on the examiner.
Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a carpenter?
A: Essex girl has longer nails.
Q: Why does an Essex girl grow her nails long?
A: To get to the really difficult bogeys.
Q: What happened to the Essex girl who bought a vibrator?
A: She knocked all her teeth out.
Q: What is Essex girl's idea of sophistication?
A: Malibu-flavoured condoms.
Did you hear about the Essex girl who thought Harvey's Bristol Cream was a bust-enlarging lotion.
Q: What do Essex girls like best about policemen?
A: Their shiny helmets.
Q: What's the best chat-up line when picking up an Essex girl?
A: Me motor's outside.
Q: What is an Essex girl's favourite position for sex?
A: The mercenary position.
Q: How does an Essex girl turn off the light after having sex?
A: She closes the car door.
Q: How did Essex girl know it was all over?
A: Her friend said she was on the Wayne.
Q: What does Essex girl say before sex?
A: Me name's Sharon.
Q: What does an Essex girl say after sex?
A: Do you all really play for the same football team.
Q: What makes an Essex girl's eyes light up?
A: A torch shone in her ear.
Q: How do you know if an Essex girl has had an orgasm?
A: She drops her bag of crisps.
Essex couple go for a walk: Essex Man: Are you comin'?
Essex girl: Nah, it's just the way I'm walkin'
Q: Why don't Essex girls like Father Christmas?
A: Because he only comes once a year.
Q: What is the difference between an Essex girl and an ironing board?
A: An ironing board's legs are difficult to get apart.
Q: What is the difference between an Essex girl and a washing machine?
A: You can dump your load with a washing machine and it won't follow you around for a week.
Q: Where do Essex girls do their shopping?
A: Boys R Us
Q: Why don't Essex girls vote?
A: They can't spell 'X'
Q: What's an Essex girl's favourite hymn?
A: O Come All ye faithful.
Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and Snow White?
A: Snow White didn't slept with more than 7 men at once.
Q: What is the difference between an Essex Man and an Essex girl?
A: An Essex girl has a higher sperm count.
Q: What does an Essex girl do with her arsehole after sex?
A: She takes him down the pub.
Q: What's the difference between meeting an Essex girl and a Club 18-30 Holiday on the Costa Del?
A: There's only a 99% chance of sex on a Club 18-30 Holiday.
Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a Walrus?
A: One is big, fat, ugly with a moustache and smells of fish.
The other is a Walrus.
Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and a plate of spaghetti?
A: The spaghetti moves when you eat it.