Q: Why doesn't an Essex girl say much on her first date?
A: She doesn't like to talk with her mouth full.
Q: Why did the Essex girl stand for Parliament?
A: She heard the House of Commons had a lot of members.
Q: Why do Essex girls only eat one third of their Mars bars?
A: Who needs to work or rest?
Q: Why do Essex girls prefer cars with adjustable steering wheels?
A: More headroom.
Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and Spud-U-Like?
A: Spud-U-Like has fewer fillings.
Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and Directory Enquiries?
A: You can sometimes get through to Directory Enquiries.
Q: Why did the Essex girl enter for Wimbledon?
A: She thought the mixed doubles was a cocktail drinking contest.
Q: What do you get if you cross an Essex girl with a computer?
A: A system that will always go down on you.
Q: Why does Essex Girl shave her armpits?
A: To stop her sticking to the Velcro fastenings in Wayne's shell suit.
Q: What is an Essex girl's idea of a really classy meal?
A: A wooden chip-fork with her takeaway.
Q: What's an Essex girl's idea of romance?
A: A lift home afterwards.
Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and the England Cricket Team's bowling?
A: Most men wouldn't catch anything off the England Cricket Team's bowling.
Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl's tights and a window cleaner?
A: A window cleaner has fewer ladders.
Q: Why is an Essex girl like a cinema-foyer hot dog?
A: You wouldn't want your friends to catch you eating one.
Q: What's the difference between and Essex Girl and the doggie on the parcel shelf of a car?
A: The doggie doesn't nod its head as much.
Q: Why do Essex Girls always lose at Chess?
A: They can't get over the fact that there isn't any cocktail sauce for the pawns.
Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and the River Thames?
A: You're less likely to catch something in the Thames.
Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and the Man from Del Monte?
A: The man from Del Monte sometimes says No.
Q: Why are an Essex girl's legs like margarine?
A: They spread easily.
Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and a carpenter?
A: Essex girl has handled more tools.
Q: What's the difference between Essex and Mars?
A: There might be intelligent life on Mars.
Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a 20 Watt light bulb?
A: The 20 Watt light bulb is brighter.
Q: Why do Essex girls get married?
A: So they can appear in Readers' Wives.
Q: What's the difference between Essex Girl and a mirror?
A: You can't see through a mirror.
Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and a condom?
A: You only use a condom once.
Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and Hells Angels?
A: Hells Angels wear originals.
Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and an apple?
A: An apple is harder to eat.
Essex girls fixing their make-up in the ladies loos: Tracey: 'Ere, Shaz, d'you fink I'm gettin' crows feet?
Sharon: Keep yer shoes on,Tray, then no-one will notice.
Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a pine table?
A: It's harder to strip a pine table.
Q: Why do Essex Girls dance round their handbags?
A: Have you ever seen an Essex Boys?
Q: What's the difference between getting piles and breaking off an engagement with an Essex girl?
A: When the piles clear up you get your ring back.
Q: What is an Essex Girl's favourite TV Program?
A: Open All Hours.
Q: Why does Essex girl wear a bra?
A: She likes a little foreplay.
Q: Why didn't Essex girl go all the way on her first date?