Men have highly sensitive "radar" for clingy, needy, and insecure behavior. A woman's tone of voice, body language, or words can quickly tell a man about clingy or insecure feelings a woman is having. Worst of all, when a man picks up on this, it often has long term effects on the potential he sees for a relationship with a woman.
Once a guy sees needy behavior in a woman it usually starts to cloud the way he sees everything about her. That neediness stays in his mind as the context to most of the interactions he has with her and her behavior.
Worst of all, it does more to kill ATTRACTION for a man than almost anything else.
Here are some examples of neediness and insecurity: * Hanging on a man or touching him too much, Hanging on a man or touching him too much, especially in public especially in public. If you are constantly taking the initiative to be in physical contact with a man, he'll eventually take it as clingy behavior. Instead, if you want to touch him, save it for short and infrequent moments that will surprise and enchant him.
* Talking or saying negative things about other Talking or saying negative things about other women women. When women call other women names like 'slut', 'bitch', or 'crazy', it doesn't impress a man. Lots of women often do this when they see a good looking and attractive woman, or with women they know their ::: 125 :::.
guy is attracted to. Guys aren't impressed by this.
They'll think you're just covering up your own insecurities and looking for validation and attention.
* Talking or saying all kinds of nasty things about Talking or saying all kinds of nasty things about your past boyfriends and past relationships your past boyfriends and past relationships.
Doing this reflects on you more negatively than you might think. It also makes a man think you're insecure and that you have "baggage." All this spells ISSUES from past relationships that he knows will be a pain for him to deal with.
* Acting overly emotional Acting overly emotional. If a man sees that you get rattled, upset, or frustrated too easily, he'll see you as insecure and think that you'll do this to him as well- which will scare him away from you.
* Trying too hard for attention is a turn-off Trying too hard for attention is a turn-off. When women try to act too sexy, too funny, too cool, or too smart, they end up looking stupid and men will think they're uncomfortable with who they are. Don't do it.
If you're any of these things, he'll notice you in a negative way. The best way to get noticed is to be subtle and suggestive.
* Creating drama Creating drama. This is the absolute worst thing to do. Some women feel like they need to turn a simple point into something big and important. They go about this by arguing about it or turning the discussion into a conflict. Clearly it says to a man that you're insecure if you get off balance with the little things. You might be right, but it's damaging to your love life and the degree of comfort he has with you.
Men hate intense drama, and they instantly assume that's what a relationship with you would be filled with it.
Assuming the Part What would you do if you were trying to catch a guy's eye?
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Would you flirt? How about dressing a bit more seductively? Could you walk right up and talk to him and tell him how you feel? Could you plan for the two of you to end up in a more private situation? Maybe you're the kind of woman who feels that a guy should approach a woman and make the first move.
It's interesting because what you would choose to do could have a huge impact on the relationship dynamics in the future if you end up with this man. And it also says a lot about who you are and what you pay attention to and want in a man.
For example, if you are the kind of woman who will only talk to men who approach you, you might also be the kind of woman who "wants to be wanted" by a man. And while wanting a man's attention isn't necessarily bad, it might cause you to behave in needy or controlling ways to get that attention, and doing so especially when you're in a relationship is not healthy or attractive behavior.
From what I see, women underestimate the importance of the little things: the small interactions, the body language "cues", the tone of voice you use, or the smallest bit of attitude that you carry with you. But when you put all these little things together, they add up to your entire behavior.
So let me ask you...
How many times have you really sat down and thought about these little things you do or don't do?
Have you ever really listened to your own tone of voice and thought about what it says about you and your attitude to a man when he hears it? I've read in several different sources that up to 90% of communication is non-verbal. If that's true, what is that other unspoken 90% of YOU saying to a man when you talk to him?
If you're looking to attract men and haven't studied the way that humans communicate, it's only natural not to have had a whole lot of success. A few people get by in life by communicating and getting the things they want by using their ::: 127 :::.
natural abilities to communicate.
But these people are the exceptions. Most people aren't so lucky. If you want to create what you want in your life, then you need to work on how you communicate. You need to take time to study and learn.
And let's say that you did catch a man's eye and you two started dating. What if you realized that he wasn't interested in a relationship but you were?
It's a tough situation that lots of women run into because it's pretty common for some men to be ambivalent about commitment and settling down.
What would you say to him? How would you act? Would you approach him directly about what you wanted or try another approach?
Well, it's fascinating to think about these things by looking at the differences between men and women. And it also can show you all kinds of secrets about men and what attracts them and gets them interested in "something more" than just dating.
Every man is slightly different. There's no one magic system to which every man responds. If what you're doing doesn't work, don't throw out everything - just try it a little differently with another man.
The most successful women I know will tell you that they are only successful because they are able to accept 'no' and not take it personally. Again, unsuccessful women take 'rejection' as a personal assault on their inner child. Don't make this mistake.
So start right now. Take a moment and describe the type of man you'd like to attract and write down the qualities that you think will attract him. Then go to work cultivating these qualities.
The idea is to create your own winning combination and then find a place to use it that offers the best chances for ::: 128 :::.
success. You want to come across as interesting, unique, original, and desirable.
By the way, if you don't know what the men who you're interested in are attracted to, ASK! That's right, just walk up to them whenever you see one and say, "Can I ask you a question? I'm sure that you're probably in a relationship right now, but I'd like to ask you something. "What attracts you to a woman, and what do you look for in her?"
Besides it being a fascinating conversation starter, or a funny kind of "pick-up" line if you ask in a wry kind of way, you'll find that most of the men you pose this question to will be glad to tell you. As a matter of fact, you'll even find that some will help you in other ways if you ask. They'll introduce you to other men who might be willing to talk to you and help you choose a hairstyle or what they think would look good on you.
But most women are TERRIFIED of asking or they feel like a retard because they are asking a man for help. Do yourself a favor. If you are having trouble, get help. Men are amazingly generous and EASILY flattered.
How Men and Women Usually Meet I've read several books on human courtship, as well as books about all different species courtship behaviors. Hundreds of studies have shown that humans and other species work just about the same, so let's take a look at them.
For instance, it's fascinating what happens with female grouses (birds). The male grouses gather together in a large group, called a "lek", and wait for females to come and select them as a mate. The females get to have all these males together side-by-side so they can compare them easily.
Here's the amazing part: the females prefer the mates with the most females around them. Not the ones with the best actual qualities (plumage, fitness, etc.) but the ones that other females prefer. Interesting...
Here are some of the ways that females meet males in ::: 129 :::.
nature: * Choosing from large groups of males gathered together looking for a mate.
* Looking at the territory males have staked out and identifying how well a male could provide as a mate based on the available resources.
* Visiting places where males gather and display for females.
* Making sure to be highly visible to attract attention and then watching the displays of passing males.
The human equivalents of these are: * Going to a singles party.
* Choosing a man based on his power or wealth.
* Going to the gym where you know there are lots of guys who are in shape.
* Wearing seductive clothing when you sit near the foot traffic at a popular coffee shop.
The point is that you're not doing anything new. If you want to meet men you have to: 1. Decide what kind of man you want.
2. Find out what's attractive to him.
3. Go where these men are likely to be, or setup a situation where they come to you.
4. Entice them to approach you. If you feel comfortable, it's absolutely OK to initiate the conversation with a man. Just don't be too predictable or ask him out right away. Instead, challenge him with intriguing questions and arouse ::: 130 :::.
his interest.
It's all the same game. Most women who have little success attracting men or relationships aren't willing to do what it takes to be successful.
About Dating Most men enjoy dating. They date often and get all kinds of benefits and knowledge about women from dating. And given the chance, they'd date more if they could.
On the other hand, lots of women seem to date less than men and tend to look for "quality not quantity." Women often seem to think that it's somehow wrong or inappropriate to date very much.
But imagine this... what if you went out on lots of dates but didn't take any of them to any attached or physical level?
I'm asking because I think that this idea could free you up to go out on more dates... And imagine all the new things that you'd learn about men and dating!
Do you think you'd start to see some common signals, patterns, and warning signs?
Maybe you'd start to learn more about what kind of men you really don't like and what kind of men you do like.
But unfortunately, women don't often have these kinds of experiences with dating. Women can date and get to know more than one or two men, but they usually won't because they feel strange about it. And society tells women through stories, myths, and media that what's paramount in dating is to find one quality man and stick with him and make it work.
Women are subtly told that dating several men is somehow "wrong", even if they're just getting to know the guys.
So let me say it clearly to make sure you're not confused-you can date a lot and not be a slut. I'd actually encourage it, as much as you might think that it will be annoying. But you DON'T have to feel attracted to, start to like, or hook up with any of the men you date. So get rid of ::: 131 :::.
any pressure on yourself about it.
And some women think that they won't really attract a guy and catch his interest if they don't fool around with him and work on the physical attraction stuff.
The opposite is actually true-you shouldn't fool around much at all with men when you're in the earlier stages of dating and shouldn't worry about physical attraction too much either. Just go out and learn more about men and what kind of guy fits best with you by dating.
And not being intimate will do some great things for you.
It will guarantee that you'll be more objective in your judgment AND that you'll feel comfortable to date other men and keep learning.
It might seem odd, but dating a few men casually will also trigger major ATTRACTION in the men around you. By not being intimate with the men you're dating and letting them subtly know you're open to dating other men and doing the choosing, you'll send a strong message that you have standards and a man must meet them before you will settle down with him. This creates a unique kind of respect mixed with desired if a man knows that he can't just have you.
If you're dating this way, don't be surprised if several men who didn't pay that much attention to you before become instantly intrigued by you.
And remember how I talked about men wanting to date forever?
Men who date a lot get a huge benefit that can turn them into experts when it comes time to choosing a woman to settle down with. They've done their homework through real-world experience by figuring out what qualities and temperaments that they fit well with and enjoy the most in a partner.
Wouldn't this work for you too?
You bet.
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But what if you're uncomfortable with dating several men or can't find dates to help you find out what kind of guy would be best for you?
In that case, you can do something similar and almost as useful without ever having to date-kind of like imaginary dating. Do it by taking the men you already know that are around you like your friends and family (don't get weird here on me!) and run their qualifications through your mind against your "ideal perfect man."
Pretend you're sitting in front of someone and analyze the man's qualities and how they would play out with you in a relationship.
What? You don't have a picture of your ideal man!?
Don't make that mistake. If you're dating and you don't have a clear idea of what you're looking for, then you're likely to pick any guy who moves, but it won't mean that he'll fit well with you in the long run. Trust me.
You need to create a psychological and physical picture in your mind of your ideal man. So sit down right now and make a mental list about your perfect guy. And don't worry about making it too realistic (at least for now) - it's just a guide for you for the future.
Answer the following about your perfect man: * What's his personality like? Is he laid-back, intense, nurturing, motivating, gentle, or "manly", etc.?"
* What are the things he enjoys doing the most?
* What does he value? (intelligence, physical prowess, money, family, freedom...) * How does he treat and interact with people around him? (family, friends, ex's...) * Where is he at in his professional life?
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* What does he look like and how does he interact with you physically?
* What's his dating history?
* Where does he see himself in the future?
When you fill in the answers, you're getting in touch with your own honest expectations. Not recognizing and verbalizing your expectations can spell pain and frustration if you're looking to get involved with a man but don't address this stuff, at least in your own mind.
Get in touch with your expectations and don't sell yourself short - it's your future, your heart, and your love life.
Writing down these answers also does more than help you clarify your expectations. It also helps you to "anchor" your beliefs and desires in your mind. You'll start to see these as your requirements in a man, which can only raise the bar to better things. And as hard as it might be to believe, the more you think about these things, the more they become reality for you. Ah... the power of thought and intention.
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Chapter 9. From Casual to Committed .
Communication Secrets with Men & New Relationships Relationships Start With the End in Mind I've got to tell you an amazing story that could change the way your perspective about men and how you communicate with them-or with everyone in your life for that matter.
Several years ago a friend of mine saw me struggling with a relationship. He saw that my girlfriend at the time and I kept trying harder and harder to get through to each other about the issues we were having, but we couldn't see eye-to-eye on them. No matter how I tried to approach her about what was going on, she immediately responded with her side of the story. So we would instantly fall into arguments and disagreements. It was going nowhere.