* They're unpredictable.
* No matter what a man says or does, they don't get rattled or taken off balance.
* Instinctively, they seem to "get" what creates and amplifies attraction in men without having to be overtly sexual.
* When they first meet a man, they never let the conversation get too serious too soon. They also avoid talking about subjects like work, family, and religion in the beginning.
* They're flirtatious, and they offer challenging twists ::: 113 :::.
during conversation.
* They challenge men on their issues in casual and non-dramatic and non-threatening way.
* If a man is flirting with them they don't just accept compliments but put the ball back in play to create more tension, which keeps him intrigued.
* They know that having a good time together and being relaxed as things are starting out is more important than trying to make things happen too soon.
* Even if they are dating a man, they keep plans and interests outside the relationship they're in. They don't lose touch with their own life, friends, interests, etc.
* They never think too far ahead, and they understand that creating a better moment in the present is much better than trying to talk about or create something in the future of the relationship.
To sum it up, "Naturals" intuitively know that fear, insecurity, and neediness are the enemies of attraction. They know their behavior and attitude with every man has little or no trace of these fears and insecurities.
If you've got a single girlfriend who's a Natural, the best thing you can do is go out and spend time with her in a place where there are lots of men. Call her up and tell her you want to go out and grab a drink. Then go to a cool, fun place where there are the kinds of guys you might like. Then just watch what happens. Your friend will simply find her way into fun and interesting conversations with men.
And here's where the learning starts. Watch how she carries herself with a casual and relaxed attitude. Take note of her posture, where she sits in the room, how she interacts with everyone from the bartender to the nice (but uninteresting) guy next to her. Watch how she challenges men who approach her. These are all clues to how and why she's a Natural at ::: 114 :::.
interacting with men and creating attraction once she finds a guy she's interested in.
Be Unique & Unpredictable A big part of what attracts men and keeps them thinking about a woman is how you can mix the serious with the fun and do it in an UNPREDICTABLE way. Being unpredictable in a fun way with a man is pure magic. But when it's coupled with something serious, it's a sure recipe for attraction and creating mystery that makes him want to stay.
For example, let's say you're in a bar or in a restaurant and you're talking with a man who sparks your interest. If you're like most women, then you'll ask him some common questions about himself, his career, his life, his family, etc...
Wrong! Boring!
This is way too predictable and only works in a few lucky situations or if you're some supermodel who can attract guys without even speaking. And yeah, while you could get to know a guy talking about this stuff, you'll see that he's got his eye on some woman across the room who's laughing, having a great time, and is obviously fun and exciting to be around.
Predictability is the enemy of interesting. If you always predictable, then by DEFINITION you're not interesting. So keep doing things that are interesting and unexpected.
Talking about this "regular" stuff, while it has some value in getting to know some details about a man's life and history, can be an attraction REPELLENT when you do too much of it.
Unless you're naturally the kind of woman who can keep a man attracted and interested without any real effort or just by your looks, then don't do it.
You'll be very tempted to talk about regular stuff because it feels so normal, but you're not looking to be seen as normal or average here. Go into things thinking that it would be good to keep the unpredictability up for several months and knowing that you'll naturally want to become less predictable. But keep it up. Some men will seem like they want less or more... I'd err ::: 115 :::.
on the side of more, especially if you want things to move into the later stages in which a man might start talking about commitment without you even initiating the conversation.
The other kind of predictability lots of women try is what I call "shy flirting." It's when a woman tries to passively flirt because she wants his attention. But the woman isn't assertive and confident because she wants to avoid any potential rejection or an uncomfortable situation, so she comes off as clumsy and insecure. The payoff from "shy flirting" isn't what you're looking for. Yeah, the guy might become mildly interested or entertained, but you're not going to push the deeper attraction buttons with this stuff.
Instead, take the conversation in your own direction. Be unpredictable-surprise him with the next topic of discussion.
Throw in slightly heavier questions that will test the man's psychological and intellectual abilities while playfully flirt with him.
Here's a great example.
I had a reader write a story about a date she had soon after reading a newsletter about first dates. Her date was quite a catch and they hit it off as soon as he started to flirt with her. But instead of basking in all his flirtatious attention, she asked him in an equally flirty way a question.
"What kind of woman do you respect?"
The question was her way of communicating that his answer was important because she was curious about how he responded. Her question was a fun and subtle kind of tension building RESISTANCE.
Asking this kind of question to a man you're interested in is ingenious. It's like she's giving him a truth serum that he can't resist because the question is fun and inviting, but challenging at the same time. By asking such a loaded question in such a provocative but comfortable way, there's a high level of status being subtly asserted as you're "hitting the ball back across the net"-you're matching his flirting. And the attraction level instantly gets taken up a notch with the ::: 116 :::.
unpredictability of challenging questions that are both serious and flirtatious.
What's fascinating is that you're pushing his ATTRACTION buttons at the same time that you're getting him to open up.
You're mixing the attraction building and flirting with the more intellectual or personal stuff, making it all flow together in a way that the guy can't resist.
Talk about a turn-on. Men have some common situations that they might secretly want to avoid talking about with women, like admitting whether or not they're looking to settle down or whether they're just out to "play." Or being honest about what kind of woman he wants to be with (or if he even has a clue), or talking about the reasons why he's broken up with women in the past and what HIS issues are.
The secret is to not avoid these issues, but turn them to your advantage. Men have a whole set of "triggers" wired around these things that are waiting for women to tap into, as long as they are approached the right way. And if a woman can get to these triggers, she'll have a whole different experience and a more direct kind of honesty with the guy that most women will never see.
So when you point these common situations out in a way that shows you get what's going on socially and that your senses and perceptive abilities are sharp, you immediately challenge a man, especially if you do it in a fun and "cool" way.
If you're challenging a man's thoughts and character in a playful way, you'll instantly become unique in his mind. You will have separated yourself from the 90% of other women out there who can't or won't challenge men. Most women show their interest by acting sweet, seductive, and laugh at anything a man says even if it's not funny. These women almost come off as being "cheesy", over the top, and insincere.
Triggering a Deeper Level of Attraction in Men Some women can't accept or don't like the idea of testing and challenging a man. For example, I have a close female friend who likes to tell me that men should be attracted to Some women can't accept or don't like the idea of testing and challenging a man. For example, I have a close female friend who likes to tell me that men should be attracted to ::: 117 :::.
women simply because of the person that she is, and that doing too much to attract men, such as challenging men, is like playing games and is some form of MANIPULATION.
Ah... we've all thought and heard of how a lot of women don't want to "play games" and take part in manipulating behavior. I understand the mindset. It's the idea that if you're mature enough to want a serious relationship, then you don't need to do things that might not be what you'd naturally do.
If a relationship is "meant to be", it supposedly should come together without your having to do much at all and that doing anything to attract a man is manipulative. That's great if you're sure that you'll meet the perfect guy at the perfect time and that you'll easily fall in love and live happily ever after. But if you've been dating and have had various failed relationships, then you probably know that these ideals are more the exceptions than the rule.
And while I get what women mean about playing games, I'm always compelled to show them that they're often times manipulating men-such as cooking for a man even if you hate cooking, or wearing makeup and dressing sexy on a date.
Aren't doing these things a way to get what you want out of the situation?
And how about the potential manipulative behaviors that are common in men? Men often take a woman to a fancy restaurant and buy her flowers and gifts because he is trying to get a certain reaction from his gestures. Isn't this a form of manipulation that really only seems normal because it's so common?
I'm not at all against men doing these kinds of things for women, but I just think we all have certain behaviors and communications aimed at getting a reaction from the other person.
Now that we've got the idea of playing games out of the way, let's get on to what works with men.
In my opinion, most men have gone through a learning curve here in our western culture that has, on average, given ::: 118 :::.
them a sort of "predictable psychological makeup."
Now, there are differences between these men. Some are smart, some are not, some are tall, some are short, some are cerebral, some are physical, etc., etc, but there are things that most of them have in common. At some point in their lives, the men who attract lots of women began to be treated differently because they were attractive. In psychology, the concept is called "The Halo Effect." Simply stated, attractive people are assumed to be smarter, more honest, more trustworthy etc.
than other people. The fact that a woman will do whatever an attractive man tells her to do begins to blur his sense of reality and make the man believe that he can have whatever he wants whenever he wants it.
Now, on a subconscious level, I've noticed that most attractive men realize that they are being ridiculous when they act as if they are God's gift to the world, take women for granted, etc., but it doesn't really matter because it still WORKS for them... Underneath it all, they are still men and they are looking for what other men are looking for...
So what are men looking for?
Well, for the record, there's no easy answer. And anyone who tells you that they have THE ANSWER is flat out lying to you or is just talking from their own subjective personal experience.
But here's my take on it: First and foremost, they want a woman who is in CONTROL (of the situation, herself, her emotions, her world, and especially the entire reality that they share). So it goes to show that women who are confident, comfortable, and in control are often irresistibly attractive to men.
The reason I say "Never try to convince a man... don't force a relationship with him..." or "Never let him think that you feel like you have to have him or else your life can't go on..." etc. is, ironically, to give him what he REALLY wants... a woman that's in control.
This might seem like "game playing", but men really do ::: 119 :::.
want a challenge. Think action movies and novel themes where the man victoriously struggles against all odds...
The women I see who are successful with men are enjoying themselves, talking about whatever comes up, making jokes, and generally behaving like a normal person while they engage in playful challenges with men. But like anything else, if they do too much testing and challenging, it's counterproductive... so it must be done at the right moments.
What's interesting is that the women who are great at teasing, testing, and challenging men do these seemingly controlling things with a bit of a dry humorous spin, which causes the guy to have an internal response like, "Wow, this girl is feisty, but I can't tell if she's serious or not... and I want to find out... but either way, she's funny and there's something going on here."
Most women screw up when a man begins acting distant or weird or when he doesn't seem interested in her...or if a man gets upset, a woman says, "I can't believe you're doing this" and mess it up. Or when a man acts aloof, the woman begins to doubt herself. You have to stay in control... if a man starts to act distant, instead of getting nervous say in a playful but confident way, "I guess you don't know what to do with a real woman once you've met her..."
Here's a bit more background on the why's and how's of testing and challenging to increase attraction.
When you're challenging a man early on in a dating situation, the best thing you can do is challenge him in the context of common dating issues that most men have. Ask him questions like, "Why can't lots of men figure out that they don't want a woman for a girlfriend before they get intimate or sleep with her?"
I know... it sounds like something dangerous that could backfire if you're too serious about it. But said in a playful and challenging way, it works magic and teaches you a year's worth of knowledge about a man, especially how he thinks and feels.
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What you're doing in testing and challenging a man with common dating issues is putting big issues out there in front of him that most women don't want to discuss with a man. This kind of discussion it has a lot of what I'll call "high drama potential." It isn't necessarily the negative kind of drama some people think about, but rather the good kind of drama that instantly raises a guy's heart rate and makes him sit up and pay ten times more attention to you than before.
Why? Because it's a question most women will never ask a man in a playful context that allows him to answer in a pressure-free way. The playfulness and challenge of the playful "high drama potential" questions sets things up for an extremely memorable interaction that will leave a strong, attractive, and fun impression of you to a man.
Best of all, everything happens in a cool and casual way without sounding and feeling like you're trying to get a man to talk about "issues." You demonstrate that you're in control and can deal with issues that other women often lose their cool over while challenging him about his feelings and beliefs.
All these things make you more intriguing in the eyes of men, and it's deeper than physical attraction. Remember that you're looking to create the "intellectual attraction" that sets the foundation for something more serious. By triggering a man's interest and attraction on a cerebral level, you're increasing your odds of success of a long-term relationship in the future.
The "intellectual attraction" lasts a whole lot longer than the physical ones do and play a much more critical role if you're looking for a long-term relationship with a man. And at the same time, you're getting all the important information you need about a man BEFORE things get too far along.
What's interesting is that attraction is usually caused by just brief moments when a few words and expressions are exchanged. But the effects are usually bigger than most long serious conversations. In fact, when you're in doubt about where an interaction is headed and you want to keep the attraction level high, keep things fun and short. These impressions and short moments have a lot more importance ::: 121 :::.
than most women think they do.
Most people's perceptions of others as they are getting to know them are often made up of just a few key brief moments of more direct and intense interaction. And these moments are mixed with some subtle dynamics involving body language, tone of voice, and other silent behavioral "stuff" involving social status.
The fact is that most men haven't spent time around women who have the wit and perceptive abilities to ask challenging questions AND do it in a way that comes off to the guy as fun and pressure-free while still being assertive. To do this, a woman genuinely has to be "together" with her attitude, body language, etc. or else the message the guy will get will be very different.
The bottom line is that when it comes to finding a woman and settling down, men are NOT attracted or interested in needy, unconfident, and low status women. They're attracted to witty, unpredictable, confident, high status women who are comfortable wherever they are and who are able to talk about anything they want to talk about in an interesting way. The good news is that ANY woman can learn to have these qualities for herself, no matter who she is or what she looks like.
If you point out the common, obvious, and serious stuff that makes most women nervous and cringe, and doing it in a way that shows you are having fun with it and the outcome doesn't bother you, then all of a sudden you're not like all the rest. You're an exceptional woman in a man's mind. And by being direct and addressing some of the important things you want to know, you'll get to know a whole lot more about a man at the same time.
It's a challenge to a man when you ask questions like this because you're dangling bait for him. And what's even more powerful is that you're being serious AND flirtatious at the same time, making it very playful and fun to a guy.
On Testing and Challenging Men I get a lot of emails from women who read my newsletters ::: 122 :::.
that say things like...
"I'm sure what you're saying is right, but my situation is different because my guy has specific issues. How do I deal with (issues here)?"
Or...
"I've seen what you're talking about in my guy, but I'm a great girlfriend and these are all his issues, so I'm doing everything right and he should simply like me for me..."
I'd like to address these ideas. Up until about 3 years ago, I would tell women to be patient and supportive when they encountered issues that were holding things back. I'd tell these women that men had to take time to work through issues and that women should be patient and supportive because these issues are reasonable.
In all honesty, I found out that after time this actually created more obstacles for women with the men they were with or interested in because of how men reacted and dealt with this attitude of acceptance and patience around their inability to move forward.
I'll explain...
Because I believed that being the "nice and supportive girlfriend" who helps a man deal with all his issues and waited for him to figure it out MUST be the way to success with men, it didn't make sense that doing anything besides supporting him would be the right thing to do and say to a man to keep him attracted and interested. In other words, I could see a situation where a woman was attracted to a mean, abusive guy and think that she must be either screwed up in the head, or that the guy must be REALLY NICE to her the rest of the time.
As you probably know, it's hard to convince a person to believe something when they've already established their own opinion about the issue. The person that you're trying to convince just uses whatever you say to convince themselves that they're actually right, and that you're wrong.
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Well, when I told these women that being nice and supportive wouldn't help the guy change, they did the exact same thing. No matter how much evidence I found to the contrary, they still somehow believed that being a "nice"
woman, taking care of a man, and generally letting him be in control of the relationship HAD to be the way to attract them and keep them around.
Well, after watching these women continue along the same path and getting the same results, I realized something that literally changed how I saw EVERYTHING.
I realized that women who playfully test and challenge men do in fact attract great men and the men tend to stay around longer. And even more amazing is that I found that the more a woman was focused and deliberate about communicating what she wanted with a man, as long as she didn't try to add too much pressure, it worked in her favor.
There's a deeper communication that takes place when you talk to a man in a challenging way, and it goes beyond attraction. By asking a man direct questions about his character, his personality, and his desires in a pressure-free, fun, and flirtatious way, you're subtly telling him that you're paying attention to him and being selective about what kind of man you'll spend your time with.
In other words, you're silently communicating that you don't spend time with any man or any person for that matter who doesn't live up to your standards and who isn't going where you're headed in your life. But then you've got to make sure you know where you're headed.
Neediness & Insecurity Let me put it to you straight about men.
The #1 thing #1 thing that drives men that drives men crazy crazy and scares them off when you're dating is neediness and insecurity. And while most women don't see their behavior from this context, it's the most common turn-off men have when they're dating women. and scares them off when you're dating is neediness and insecurity. And while most women don't see their behavior from this context, it's the most common turn-off men have when they're dating women.
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A woman acts needy and insecure when she feels unsure of herself or what she's doing. Everybody feels this way in life sometimes. Hey, I've been there. But when you let your insecurities take over and look to a man or a relationship to validate you and your feelings, it's like expecting money to make you happy. You might get some "cheap thrills" and temporarily change your short-term emotions and situation, but the long-term situation about YOU has not really changed.
Ok, so enough preaching.... Let's get back to attraction and how neediness and insecurity are the absolute attraction repellants.