"Why, I'll tell you. It was that confounded party at Doane's. You know what a favorite of mine little Louie Berton is--the best little thing that ever breathed, the prettiest, the--full of fun, too. Well, we're awfully thick, you know; and she chaffed me all the evening about my engagement with Miss Phillips. She had heard all about it, and is crazy to find out whether it's going on yet or not. We had great fun--she chaffing and questioning, and I trying to fight her off. Well; the dancing was going on, and I'd been separated from her for some time, and was trying to find her again, and I saw some one standing in a recess of one of the windows, with a dress that was exactly like Louie's. Her back was turned to me, and the curtains half concealed her. I felt sure that it was Louie. So I sauntered up, and stood for a moment or two behind her. She was looking out of the window; one hand was on the ledge, and the other was by her side, half behind her. I don't know what got into me; but I seized her hand, and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"Well, you know, I expected that it would be snatched away at once. I felt immediately an awful horror at my indiscretion, and would have given the world not to have done it. I expected to see Louie's flashing eyes hurling indignant fire at me, and all that. But the hand didn't move from mine at all!"
Jack uttered this last sentence with the doleful accents of a deeply-injured man--such an accent as one would employ in telling of a shameful trick practised upon his innocence. "It lay in mine," he continued. "There it was; I had seized it; I had it; I held it; I had squeezed it; and--good Lord!--Macrorie, what was I to do? I'll tell you what I did--I squeezed it again. I thought that now it would go; but it wouldn't. Well, I tried it again. No go. Once more--and once again. On my soul, Macrorie, it still lay in mine. I cannot tell you what thoughts I had. It seemed like indelicacy. It was a bitter thing to associate indelicacy with one like little Louie; but--hang it!--there was the awful fact. Suddenly, the thought struck me that the hand was larger than Louie's. At that thought, a ghastly sensation came over me; and, just at that moment, the lady herself turned her face, blushing, arch, with a mischievous smile. To my consternation, and to my--well, yes--to my horror, I saw Mrs. Finnimore!"
"Good Lord!" I exclaimed.
"A stronger expression would fail to do justice to the occasion," said Jack, helping himself to a glass of beer. "For my part, the thrill of unspeakable horror that was imparted by that shock is still strong within me. There, my boy, you have my story. I leave the rest to your imagination."
"The rest? Why, do you mean to say that this is all?"
"All!" cried Jack, with a wild laugh. "All? My dear boy, it is only the faint beginning; but it implies all the rest."
"What did she say?" I asked, meekly.
"Say--say? What! After--well, never mind. Hang it! Don't drive me into particulars. Don't you see? Why, there I was. I had made an assault, broken through the enemy's lines, thought I was carrying every thing before me, when suddenly I found myself confronted, not by an inferior force, but by an overwhelming superiority of numbers--horse, foot, and artillery, marines, and masked batteries--yes, and baggage-wagons--all assaulting me in front, in flank, and in the rear. Pooh!"
"Don't talk shop, Jack."
"Shop? Will you be kind enough to suggest some ordinary figure of speech that will give an idea of my situation? Plain language is quite useless. At least, I find it so."
"But, at any rate, what did she say?"
"Why," answered Jack, in a more dismal voice than ever, "she said, 'Ah, Jack!'--she called me Jack!--'Ah, Jack! I saw you looking for me. I knew you would come after me.'"
"Good Heavens!" I cried; "and what did you say?"
"Say? Heavens and earth, man! what could I say? Wasn't I a gentleman?
Wasn't she a lady? Hadn't I forced her to commit herself? Didn't I have to assume the responsibility and pocket the consequences? Say! Oh, Macrorie! what is the use of imagination, if a man will not exercise it?"
"And so you're in for it?" said I, after a pause.
"To the depth of several miles," said Jack, relighting his pipe, which in the energy of his narrative had gone out.
"And you don't think of trying to back out?"
"I don't see my way. Then, again, you must know that I've been trying to see if it wouldn't be the wisest thing for me to make the best of my situation."
"Certainly it would, if you cannot possibly get out of it."
"But, you see, for a fellow like me it may be best not to get out of it. You see, after all, I like her very well. She's an awfully fine woman--splendid action. I've been round there ever so much; we've always been deuced thick; and she's got a kind of way with her that a fellow like me can't resist. And, then, it's time for me to begin to think of settling down. I'm getting awfully old. I'll be twenty-three next August. And then, you know, I'm so deuced hard up. I've got to the end of my rope, and you are aware that the sheriff is beginning to be familiar with my name. Yes, I think for the credit of the regiment I'd better take the widow. She's got thirty thousand pounds, at least."
"And a very nice face and figure along with it," said I, encouragingly.
"That's a fact, or else I could never have mistaken her for poor little Louie, and this wouldn't have happened. But, if it had only been little Louie--well, well; I suppose it must be, and perhaps it's the best thing."
"If it had been Louie," said I, with new efforts at encouragement, "it wouldn't have been any better for you."
"No; that's a fact. You see, I was never so much bothered in my life. I don't mind an ordinary scrape; but I can't exactly see my way out of this."
"You'll have to break the news to Miss Phillips."
"And that's not the worst," said Jack, with a sigh that was like a groan.
"Not the worst? What can be worse than that?"
"My dear boy, you have not begun to see even the outside of the peculiarly complicated nature of my present situation. There are other circumstances to which all these may be playfully represented as a joke."
"Well, that is certainly a strong way of putting it."
"Couldn't draw it mild--such a situation can only be painted in strong colors. I'll tell you in general terms what it is. I can't go into particulars. You know all about my engagement to Miss Phillips. I'm awfully fond of her--give my right hand to win hers, and all that sort of thing, you know. Well, this is going to be hard on her, of course, poor thing! especially as my last letters have been more tender than common. But, old chap, that's all nothing. There's another lady in the case!"
"What!" I cried, more astonished than ever.
Jack looked at me earnestly, and said, slowly and solemnly:
CHAPTER V.
"FACT, MY BOY--IT IS AS I SAY.--THERE'S ANOTHER LADY IN THE CASE, AND THIS LAST IS THE WORST SCRAPE OF ALL!"
"Another lady?" I faltered.
"Another lady!" said Jack.
"Oh!" said I.
"Yes," said he.
"An engagement, too!"
"An engagement? I should think so--and a double-barrelled one, too. An engagement--why, my dear fellow, an engagement's nothing at all compared with this. This is something infinitely worse than the affair with Louie, or Miss Phillips, or even the widow. It's a bad case--yes-- an infernally bad case--and I don't see but that I'll have to throw up the widow after all."
"It must be a bad case, if it's infinitely worse than an engagement, as you say it is. Why, man, it must be nothing less than actual marriage.
Is that what you're driving at? It must be. So you're a married man, are you?"
"No, not just that, not quite--as yet--but the very next thing to it?"
"Well, Jack, I'm sorry for you, and all that I can say is, that it is a pity that this isn't Utah. Being Canada, however, and a civilized country, I can't see for the life of me how you'll ever manage to pull through."
Jack sighed dolefully.
"To tell the truth," said he, "it's this last one that gives me my only trouble. I'd marry the widow, settle up some way with Miss Phillips, smother my shame, and pass the remainder of my life in peaceful obscurity, if it were not for _her_."
"You mean by _her_, the lady whose name you don't mention."