And I'm thinking uh, I was just over at your dorm, but yeah, I don't say that.
"Okay, cool," I say like an airhead.
He holds my hand, and I can see this big cardboard thing. "Is that what I think it is?"
He laughs, and his eyes are bright. "Yep, we built the Eiffel tower."
"What did you make it out of? It's so tall!"
"Come closer."
I do, and see that it is made out of pop and beer cases all glued together. No, make that duct taped together. It seems a little odd seeing Coca Cola and Bud Light blazed across the sides of the Eiffel tower. But still.
It's like an advertiser's wet dream.
"That's amazing. Very cool. How did you ever come up with that?"
He stops me at the base of it. Holds both of my hands, facing me. "I wanted to make it for you."
And at the exact same time, we leaned in, still holding each other's hands down at our sides and kissed. It felt so natural. No guy pulling me toward him. Is was so right. All about us. Our magnetic pull.
And I think I need to get serious about my diet. (The French weekend where they build an Eiffel Tower doesn't happen until much later in the series. Instead of asking Keatyn to Homecoming, he asks her to Winter Formal. I had to keep them apart even longer.) How do you say fuck off in French?
6:30 pm With Dawson, getting ready to go inside for our first part of tonight. The french dinner in the cafe. The dinner is our kick off to the evening. The cafe has totally be transformed by the art and theater department. There are little votives burning on each table. A few wine bottles with candle coming out of them, the fake Paris walls up lit. The smell of the food. It's really good.
I'm wearing a cute little black tulle skirt with a wide black silky belt, pink tank top, black sequined ballet flats, a pink, black, and white crystal necklace. My hair is pulled back into a sleek ponytail held by a black pouf of tulle.
Dawson and I just standing there taking it all in.
Dallas walks up to me, puts his closed fist out in front of me. Like he wants me to open my hand and let him put something in it, or he wants me to guess what's in it.
I says, "What?"
He bugs his eyes out at me, I hold my palm up to his hand.
"I'm pretty sure these are yours," he grins and drops an orange lace thong into my hand.
"Where'd you find this?"
"Ha! I knew they were yours! You wore these when we were in the limo. I recognized that little daisy charm on the very back. You don't see that very often."
"Yeah, where did you find those?" Dawson grins. I can tell he is trying to think of where we might have left them.
"At the cave."
My eyes get big. "Oh." I say quietly and totally look guilty. "Uh thanks." And shove them into my little pink clutch. "Wow, this looks really great! Let's go eat!"
We get our food and sit down at a table. Dawson hasn't said a word.
Finally he says, "You gonna even attempt to explain why your panties were at the cave?" (Oh, she's in trouble now!) "We've always been honest with each other right? I mean except for the Peyton thing?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, I'm going to tell you exactly what happened. And it's one hundred percent the truth."
He nods at me to go on.
"The other night after the JV game, I met Aiden at the cave."
His eyes get big, and his anger swells.
"Let me finish before you get all pissed, okay? He wanted to show me the clover thing, it was not a big deal, but it had been raining, and I sat on a stump and my underwear and my sweats got all wet on the back. Aiden had on gym shorts under his sweats, so he took them off and let me have them."
"How does a thong get wet when you sit down?"
"I don't know, but it's kinda one of those that's thicker in the back, and I sorta leaned onto the stump, and I don't know, but it was wet. I was embarrassed. He turned around, didn't even try to look, and I changed. Then it started pouring, and we wrapped it all up in the sleeping bag he brought to sit on and ran back to the dorms soaking wet. It must have fallen out."
He is shaking his head. He doesn't believe me.
"That sounds like bullshit. Let me guess, you just kissed?"
"Yes. Oh, not like that. Like we actually JUST kissed. And not for very long because it started pouring."
"Uh huh, sure. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. How do you say fuck off in French?"
Aiden who is standing behind him says, "Casse-toi, but she's telling the truth."
"Yeah well, Cassy Twa to both of you."
And he marches away.
Aiden says, "Hell, if I woulda known that would work, I woulda stole some of your panties and hung them in my football locker."
"It's really not funny." I tell him.
Shit.
"I'll sit and eat dinner with you."
"Uh, no. We're hanging out tomorrow."
Aiden looks like I just threw his puppy under a bus and sulks off.
I'm sitting at the little romantic round table alone, in my adorable outfit, wishing I could tap my sparkly flats together three times and go home.
Riley wanders over, Ariela on his arm. He looks really happy, for a guy whose neck is varying shades of bruise. He looks like he was in a freaking car wreck.
"What happened?"
I get big tears in my eyes. Try to keep them from falling.
I can't.
"I gotta go." I tell him and march quickly outside.
Tears are blurring my vision, I need to sit down, gather myself. I go to the nearest spot. The bench where Dawson first really kissed me. Put my head down into my hands and cry. For awhile.
I feel the weight of the bench shift slightly, as if someone sat down. I don't even have to open my eyes to know it's Dawson. I can smell him. I keep my face in my hands. I know I have mascara streaming down my face. It's not an attractive look. Mom always wears waterproof, so she can make a tear gently trickle down her face, like during an interview, but still look amazing. I know how I look, one big black streaked mess.
He puts his arm around me, pulls me into his chest, and whispers, "I'm sorry. I believe you. This is all my fault. If I would have just been happy with you, told Peyton no, not messed things up, we wouldn't be in this mess, would we? You wouldn't be dating Aiden, we'd still be going out, right?"
"Yeah." I sputter out, and then start bawling again. I'm bawling about all of it. Brooklyn. Him. Aiden. The guy I had a huge crush on during 6th grade that told me my fingers were too skinny. The guy in 8th grade that had the cutest hair but called me four eyes. The guy in 3rd grade that said I kicked like a girl. For my dad not being here. For being at a school without my family, without direction. I wanted to come here to take control of my life, to see who I'd become. And I realize I have not taken any control, and I don't think I like who I've become.
Dawson says, "No relationship is perfect, Keatie. But what makes it perfect is if you still want to be there when things get really hard."
I half laugh, half cry, "That's the problem. I like when you get really hard." (LOL) "I really don't think that's what they meant." He laughs. "Come here."
He pushes my chin up toward him, says, "Oh, wow. Um, here." Then he pulls his polo up off his stomach and uses it to wipe some of the mascara off my face. "Lets go get you cleaned up, then we're gonna figure this all out, okay?"
I nod okay.
I get cleaned up. Tonight is pretty much over for me, and it's only seven. "No, no," Dawson says. "Put some makeup back on, we're getting out of here."
"I don't want to go to French night."
"Me either, I'm taking you a movie, and we're gonna laugh our asses off. Have fun. Have a real date."
I throw my arms around him and start crying again. "I can't take you to the movies bawling." He looks perplexed. I'm sure growing up with three brothers, he is not used to this.
"Okay, let's talk first, figure this out, get all the crying out, and then we'll go see a movie if you want. You want honesty, right?"
I bite my lip and nod my head.
"I love sex with you. It makes me feel amazing. I've told you that. I feel like I'm in love with you. I wouldn't say it if I didn't feel it. And obviously, I didn't tell you just to get you into bed. There was no reason for me to tell you. On the other hand, do I think you are my one true love. I don't know. You helped me, healed me. I feel grateful. But remember that first night at the cave, you told us Aiden like spoke to your soul or something?"
"Yeah."
"I don't know if we're soul mates. I don't even know how you know that. Do you?"
"I don't think I believe in soul mates or true love anymore." (I really do like how honest they are with their feelings here. Regardless of what you think of Dawson, you have to appreciate this about him. He's a good guy.) "Yeah, you do. I know you. Under all that sexy is a true romantic."
"I mean I want that. Doesn't everyone want that? The idea of that special someone made just for them."
"So what should we do?"
"What do you want to do?"
"Honestly, I can't wait to graduate and go to college."
"That makes me sad."
"I don't know if we're soul mates, but we're gonna be friends for a very long time. I wasn't lying when I said you've become my best friend. I'll give up the sex if I have to, but I don't want to give up that."
"Do you want to give up the sex?"
"Hell no. Do you?"
"Well it complicates things, but no, I really don't want to. You make me feel really good, like I think you know how attracted I am to you. I've done stuff with you, I never thought I would do. But lately, I do feel a little guilty about it. Should we feel guilty about it?"
"As long as we're both single, no we shouldn't feel guilty. And you have to know, I'd go out with you again, if you'd have me, but I think you like Aiden. You probably need to figure that out before we go out again?"
"Kinda, but I don't want to let you go."
"I'm not going anywhere, and there's no one here I want to date. So, we'll see how it goes, and I'll try my best not to be a jealous idiot. It helps knowing you're not sleeping with him."
"I told him I wouldn't sleep with him for a very long time."
"I'm a life lesson, huh?"
I laugh, "Sorta. But I love life lessons." And I kiss him.
And then we kiss some more.
I'll have her screaming in ecstasy.
12:30 am We went to a movie, came home, made curfew. I'm sitting in my room with all the girls. Getting updated on everyone's nights. Ace fed Annie something tonight, and she was all how adorable is he? And we all agreed. They are all in love with someone. Bryce asked Mallory to homecoming tonight and she said yes. Annie is already going with Ace, Maggie had a date with Jake tonight. They apparently kissed and it was ah-mazing. Like she can't even believe how hot he is. I'm pretty sure he will ask her to homecoming as well. But Katie still does not have a date. She's telling us about Carson.
"He just says we'll all go in a big group, it will be fun."
And I decide to actually pay it forward. I know Dallas has a crush on Katie. And I know she thinks he is adorable. I can't keep him for myself any longer, it's not fair to him. So I text him.
Me: You gonna ask anyone to homecoming?
Dallas: Prolly not :( Wanna go with me?
Me: How bout we get you a real date? Like someone that has been crushing on you since school started, but I was jealous and didn't tell you and wanted to keep you for myself sorta.
Dallas: Scandalous :) Do tell. If you say Katie, I may wet myself with joy.
Me: It's Katie. She was hanging with Carson, but he says he doesn't want a date.