Ughhh. My heart hurts while translating this :”( Aah, so painful. One more chapter tomorrow before we catch up with the plot line of MaguToro chapter 1.
TL: clover
ED: clover
Nee-chan went on to university safely and I became a high school student.
I felt like becoming a high school student meant that I had become a young adult, but Nee-chan who headed to college with casual clothes looked more mature than me.
I had three years of difference, I couldn't catch up with Nee-chan anymore.
Nee-chan talked a lot about the events that were at the university every day.
There were talks that she was invited to a blind date, and I was not bothered by that anymore.
As she entered university, Nee-chan exchanged her glasses for contacts.
As usual, her clothes remained plain, but she looked much more appealing than during her high school days.
Somehow, there was such a premonition, 'I guess Nee-chan will get a boyfriend soon.'
It was about a year since I got that premonition.
Nee-chan who came back from college was concerned about her mobile phone with a strange looking expression.
Usually Nee-chan neglected her mobile phone, so I was concerned about what happened.
"Nee-chan, did something happen?"
"Eeh!?"
"Since a little while ago, you keep looking at your mobile phone."
When I pointed it out, Nee-chan's face turned bright red and looked down bashfully.
Towards such reaction that I had never seen from Nee-chan, I remembered my unpleasant premonition.
"That, in fact, actually……today I got confessed by my friend from college."
My unpleasant premonition came true, and I couldn't speak.
I was preparing for this day since a long time ago.
However, my heart was still hurt.
"And, what was your reply? Are you going out with him?"
While being careful not to raise my voice, I asked Nee-chan.
"That, I still haven't give my reply."
"—Is that so? Why?"
"Yeah, I didn't have any experience in such thing like relationships. I don't know what to do."
Nee-chan said such a thing while biting her lips bashfully.
An odd feeling of impatience rose within me.
"Does Nee-chan like him?"
As I managed to drag my voice from my dry throat, Nee-chan nodded ambiguously.
"Yeah. I like him, maybe. —I don't quite understand this kind of thing, but when he told me that he wants to go out with me, I was happy."
I felt like someone punched me in the head to the words of Nee-chan who was shyly telling me that.
"W-well, then why didn't you reply soon?"
"Because I was confessed to for the first time, although I feel ecstatic, I thought I should reply after thinking properly."
"—So, you're going to go out with him then?"
To my words, Nee-chan blushed and then nodded her head.
"I'm thinking that I will give my reply tomorrow."
"Kuh—!"
To Nee-chan's words, words that rejected that notion came to my mind.
Something like, stop that kind of thing.
And, I don't want you to have a boyfriend.
And, rather than becoming that unfamiliar guy's girlfriend, become mine instead.
But, all those words, I swallowed them in my throat.
I had been preparing since a long time ago, that one day something like this would come.
When this happened — what to do. I had resolved myself properly.
Because, I was Nee-chan's younger brother.
Because I wanted to preserve this family, I didn't want to break this relationship, I always thought of that.
"I see, then, Nee-chan's first boyfriend. Congratulations."
I spitted out blessing words with an awkward smile.
I clenched my fists tightly and somehow kept my hands from trembling.
"Thank you, Soutarou!"
Nee-chan didn't notice my feelings and was laughing with a shy face.
My heart was about to collapse.
Nee-chan, please notice.
I like Nee-chan.
—Wrong. That's not good, don't notice it. I want to stay with Nee-chan.
My head felt messed up.
I could hardly put on a poker face.
"Well then, Nee-chan, I, I will go to the convenience store for a bit."
"Eh, at this time?"
"Yeah. There is something I want to buy. I will return soon."
"Yup. Please be careful on your way!"
"Of course. See you."
I somehow smiled, then I left the living room to escape.
Putting on my shoes, I opened the front door quickly so I couldn't be disturbed.
Outside the house was a dark night, where neither the moon nor the stars were visible.
I ran the dark road with full speed.
Just like running away from painful thoughts or running away from painful reality.
"~~~~Tch, aah, damn it!!!"
After I ran for a while and moved away from home, I kicked off the utility pole near me.
My leg hurt from the recoil, but I crazily kicked it over and over again.
"Why is it……!!!"
My heart hurt so much.
It was painful that Nee-chan became a girlfriend of someone who was not me.
Kissing with a guy who was not me, held by a guy who was not me.
"Why is it……!!!"
Kicked off the utility pole like kicking myself.
Why was I her younger brother?
Did I take care of my family to get such a painful feeling?
Even though Nee-chan was taken away by another man in front of me, I had to laugh and bless her!!
"If this is the case, I'm with Nee-chan—-!"
—I wish I had not become her family.
Only those words, that I couldn't speak with a cruel tone.
Because I was saved.
My encounter with Nee-chan was a saving grace for me.
Nee-chan told me that I was her younger brother, while feeling awkward we still became a family.
No matter how hard it was - I couldn't deny that time, that past, my current family.
"I can't quit becoming Nee-chan's younger brother."
Even if I liked Nee-chan so much.
Even though I wanted to embrace Nee-chan.
Even if Nee-chan was hugged by another man and my chest hurt.
I was sure that I couldn't stop becoming her younger brother.
It was a quiet despair.
If I couldn't stop being her younger brother, I had no choice but to give up on Nee-chan.
This love. A love that I couldn't throw away for so many years, this time, somehow I would do it.
Let's move on from Nee-chan. Let's forget about Nee-chan.
If I did that, surely, it would become easier.
I would be released from this unprecedented suffering.
I could be Nee-chan's only younger brother.
—Please, God. Please, remove my feelings for Nee-chan.