Next chapter finally we reached the same timeline as the chapter 1 of MaguToro. After this, I will work on 3 chapters of MaguToro. And Soutarou is such a good guy even when his thoughts are pretty distorted.
TL: clover
ED: clover
Nee-chan got a boyfriend.
Nee-chan was ecstatic in having a boyfriend for the first time, that her time when she returned home was later than before.
The evening when she usually spent it in making dinner since forever, these days I would get a message saying that she couldn't make it because she would return home late.
Weekends when she would spend it slowly by staying at home with me, she would use it to go on dates.
It felt like a hole opened in my heart.
I liked this house where my sister was, I enjoyed doing homework with her, so I didn't join club activities and would come home as soon as possible.
However, waiting for Nee-chan's late return at this house was too much for me to bear.
—I wonder if Nee-chan is with her boyfriend right now.
When thinking about such a thing, I couldn't bear to wait for Nee-chan's return.
So I decided to go to the library every day after that turning point.
I went to the library without going home, because I would be distracted from those thoughts when I was studying.
Studying until closing time which was 7 o'clock exactly and then going home, Nee-chan usually would be at home by that time.
If I looked at Nee-chan now, my heart was a bit steadier.
Well, let's forget her.
Even though I thought something like that, my feelings for Nee-chan didn't disappear.
At that time, I was confessed by a girl from the same school.
"Soutarou-kun, please go out with me."
The one who confessed to me was someone from Class 2 - surely, her name was Uedsan.
She had a short bob hair, tall, and had a good style.
She was a girl with a slightly boyish atmosphere, a girl who was the true opposite from her.
If I went out with someone of a quite different type from Nee-chan, would I be able to forget her?
I had not wanted to do dishonest things, and had rejected confessions since forever.
But, I didn't care now.
Everyone was fine if they let me forget about Nee-chan.
"Okay. Uedsan, I'll go out with you."
"R-really!?"
Uedsan's face shone as she heard my reply.
Looking at that expression, a slight guilt filled my chest.
—It's fine. Because I will forget about Nee-chan, I only need to like this girl.
"Take care of me from now on, Uedsan."
I smiled at her.
From when I started sating Ueda An, three months had passed.
The conclusion was, I could not like An.
Let's love her, so I tried to love her.
I tried going out on dates together, tried going to school and returned home together.
However, I could not feel the love for An.
The crazy feeling like I felt for Nee-chan didn't grow.
Even my affection for Nee-chan didn't disappear.
"Hey, is it okay for me to go to Soutarou-kun's house today?"
Recently, An persistently wanted to visit my house.
But I didn't want to take An into my house.
That house was mine and Nee-chan's place. It was the house of my family.
I couldn't bring myself to invite An there.
"Why do you want to come to my house?"
"Because, the parents of Soutarou-kun aren't home since they are on business trips, right? And I heard that your sister returns home late."
I was amazed that An's eyes were filled with expectation.
I see. In other words, she wanted to have sex with me?
I read the expectation of An, and I swallowed my sigh.
It was about three months since we started dating.
But we didn't do anything like sex, or even a kiss.
I understood that An was dissatisfied with that.
However, by all means, I didn't feel the desire to touch her.
"Aah, well……that's right."
I replied vaguely in purpose, and I managed to dodge the question somehow.
That day, I came back home earlier than Nee-chan after a long time.
It was because the library that I usually went to was closed.
When I was relaxing at a house where there was no one, I heard a crackling noise at the entrance.
—Oh, Nee-chan has come back.
Today she returned home faster than usual. I bet she didn't see her boyfriend.
My chest soared a bit, and I descended the stairs to greet her at the entrance.
I might be able to relax with Nee-chan today.
"Nee-chan, welcome home—"
My words stopped when I looked at the appearance of An lined next to Nee-chan.
When An saw me, she showed an impish smile on her face.
"Ehehe, Soutarou-kun. I come to play."
"Play—"
Eh, why did you come to my house?
I didn't remember granting such permission, and in the first place, I had not taught her where the place of my house was.
Nee-chan laughed with an innocent face.
A bitter feeling spread in my heart.
It’s not what you think. I like Nee-chan, I don't think of An like that.
Such worst kind of excuse filled my heart.
Even though it was different than I expected, An was my girlfriend, and I was not in a position to give Nee-chan any excuse.
"An, what is it? Why are you here?"
"……I can't come here?"
An's eyes shook uneasily.
Nee-chan who saw it raised her eyebrow at me.
"Soutarou. She wants to meet you, right? Please show her your room."
I clenched my fists to Nee-chan's words.
I couldn't quarrel with An in front of Nee-chan.
"—Anyway, go ahead and enter."
"Pardon my intrusion!"
An came into my house happily.
Nee-chan didn't stop An, she just kept watching while smiling.
Even if she knew that An was my girlfriend, Nee-chan didn't care at all.
My chest hurt.
I went out with An to forget about her, but this didn't go well.
Far from forgetting my feelings for Nee-chan, it just became worse.
Following me, An climbed the stairs.
She was laughing happily, although she surely didn't mean anything bad, I felt my anger welled up and I needed to vent.
If An didn't come, Nee-chan wouldn't know that I have a girlfriend.
"Why do you know my house?"
As soon as I closed the door of my room, I let out a sharp voice.
An's shoulders were trembling after realizing that my mood was not good.
"……Before, because you told me the address, I looked it up on the map."
"So you looked it up, and went here without an invitation."
I let out a sigh.
—I knew, I was only taking out my anger on her.
Still, I couldn't stop making my words sharp.
"……I'm very sorry. But, I, absolutely want to see Soutarou-kun."
"Even if you don't bother to come to my house, we can meet at school."
"That's not it! Because, that's not enough at all…"
In the eyes of An, tears were welling up slightly.
When I saw that, guilt made my stomach heavy.
An was not bad. —I was bad.
I told her that I would become An's boyfriend, but eventually I couldn't love An at all.
If An was me, then I was Nee-chan.
I definitely would want to meet Nee-chan.
I would wonder if she really likes me since we never kiss, because then I would feel anxious.
"I'm sorry, An, that was my fault."
I shouldn't use An to cut off my feelings towards Nee-chan.
Like this, no one would be happy.
What to do, surely, I couldn't give up on Nee-chan.
Even if I was going out with An, I would eventually remembered about her.
"Soutarou-kun!"
An looked happy as if she thought that I understood her feelings because I apologized.
However, I shook my head to deny An's feelings.
"Let's break up, An - I should have done this earlier."
An widened her eyes when she heard my words.
"Why…Is it because I forcefully go to Soutarou-kun's house without permission?"
"No, that's not it. An is not bad. I'm a terrible guy."
An probably only acted naturally as a girlfriend.
I was terrible. Although I didn't have any feelings for her, I went out with An and lead her on.
"I, I have a person that I like. Although I couldn't forget about her—I went out with An."
"—-!"
To my words, An distorted her face.
She squeezed her fists.
"I knew that……But I didn't realize that Soutarou-kun really doesn't like me."
My eyes shook to the words of An.
If you noticed it, why did you keep going out with me?
"That person doesn't like Soutarou, doesn't she? You thought that someday she would like you, and even if you couldn't get her now, you thought that someday you'd be able to turn her around."
"—An."
"You may use me. Even if Soutarou-kun used me to forget that person, I don't mind."
So don't break up with me.
My chest hurt to the words of An who told me her wish.
Oh, I see. An really likes me.
Now—it was too late now that I noticed such a thing, I felt miserable by myself.
"I'm sorry, but I can't do that."
"Why?"
"I can't forget about that person. I wouldn't be able to forget her no matter how many years I had been with An."
No matter how hard it was, even if I tried to forget her.
Still, I would be attracted. I couldn't forget.
Even if Nee-chan belongs to someone else.
Even if she married a man I didn't know, had a child, and made a new family.
I liked Nee-chan.
I didn't want anyone else but Nee-chan.
"I'm sorry, An. —I can't go out with you after all."
I said goodbye to An.
An who furrowed her eyebrows and refused to part, somehow calmed down and turned away from my house.
Let's stop this farce already.
I couldn't involve someone else in my barren unrequited love.
—Nee-chan. I couldn't give up on Nee-chan after all.