CHREM. Has not she, as I said, a liberal air?
DEM. She has.
PHOR. --And therefore I was coming, Demipho, To let you know I'm ready to receive My wife whene'er you please. For I postpon'd All other business, as indeed I ought, Soon as I found ye were so bent on this.
DEM. Aye, but my brother has dissuaded me From going any further in this business.
"For how will people talk of it?" says he: "At first you might have done it handsomely; But then you'd not consent to it; and now, After cohabitation with your son, To think of a divorce is infamous."
--In short, he urg'd almost the very things That you so lately charg'd me with yourself.
PHOR. You trifle with me, gentlemen.
DEM. How so?
PHOR. How so? Because I can not marry t'other, With whom I told you I was first in treaty.
For with what face can I return to her Whom I have held in such contempt?
CHREM. Tell him Antipho does not care to part with her. (_Prompting DEMIPHO._)
DEM. And my son too don't care to part with her: --Step to the Forum then, and give an order For the repayment of our money, Phormio.
PHOR. What! when I've paid it to my creditors?
DEM. What's to be done then?
PHOR. Give me but the wife To whom you have betroth'd me, and I'll wed her.
But if you'd rather she should stay with you, The portion stays with me, good Demipho, For 'tis not just I should be bubbled by you; When, to retrieve your honor, I've refus'd Another woman with an equal fortune.
DEM. A plague upon your idle vaporing, You vagabond!--D'ye fancy we don't know you?
You, and your fine proceedings?
PHOR. You provoke me.
DEM. Why, would you marry her, if proffer'd?
PHOR. Try me.
DEM. What! that my son may keep her privately At your house?--That was your intention.
PHOR. Ha!
What say you, Sir?
DEM. Give me my money, Sirrah!
PHOR. Give me my wife, I say.
DEM. To justice with him!
PHOR. To justice? Now, by Heaven, gentlemen, If you continue to be troublesome----
DEM. What will you do?
PHOR. What will I do? Perhaps You think that I can only patronize Girls without portion; but be sure of this, I've some with portions too.
CHREM. What's that to us?
PHOR. Nothing.--I know a lady here whose husband----
CHREM. Ha! (_Carelessly._)
DEM. What's the matter?
PHOR. --Had another wife At Lemnos.
CHREM. (_aside_). I'm a dead man.
PHOR. --By which other He had a daughter; whom he now brings up In private.
CHREM. (_aside_). Dead and buried.
PHOR. This I'll tell her. (_Going toward the house._)
CHREM. Don't, I beseech you!
PHOR. Oh! are you the man?
DEM. Death! how insulting!
CHREM. (_to PHORMIO_). We discharge you.
PHOR. Nonsense!
CHREM. What would you more? The money you have got We will forgive you.
PHOR. Well; I hear you now.
--But what a plague d'ye mean by fooling thus, Acting and talking like mere children with me?
--I won't; I will: I will; I won't again:---- Give, take; say, unsay; do, and then undo.
CHREM. (_to DEMIPHO_). Which way could he have learn'd this?
DEM. I don't know; But I am sure I never mention'd it.
CHREM. Good now! amazing!
PHOR. I have ruffled them. (_Aside._)
DEM. What! shall he carry off so large a sum, And laugh at us so openly?--By Heaven, I'd rather die.--Be of good courage, brother!
Pluck up the spirit of a man! You see This slip of yours is got abroad; nor can you Keep it a secret from your wife. Now, therefore, 'Tis more conducive to your peace, good Chremes, That we should fairly tell it her ourselves, Than she should hear the story from another.
And then we shall be quite at liberty To take our own revenge upon this rascal.