20: A Far Too Dangerous Proposition
Raws:
I was eight when I knew.
I found out when my parents let me take the aptitude test as a joke.
Sure, why not.
I spent a week taking the aptitude test with that attitude. Then, the results shocked all the grown-ups around me.
Of course, I didn’t know what those words meant.
After that, the world around me became hectic.
I —
I didn’t want to become something like that.
I wanted to be with Big Brother forever. I wanted to play more.
I didn’t want to be a magus.
I didn’t want this kind of power.
I —
I —
–
–
Magic, huh…?
I sighed. I’d already gotten used to having this dream.
Unconcerned with the contents, I started to organize the new information I’d gleaned as I lay in bed.
Magic.
It could only be magic. Nothing else could explain it.
And it was most certainly one of the secrets of this body. Of course, I didn’t take the aptitude test when I was a man. But no matter how I tried, I couldn’t imagine that I’d had this ability back then. I’d just be deluding myself.
In other words, when I turned into a woman, I got the ability to use magic.
But that was strange too.
…Although.
If so, maybe I was also the only person in the world to acquire magical ability.
Of course, it was because of the dream that I was remembering all this.
Those dreams were becoming more and more unsettling to me.
The dreams I had before were still an everyday kind of thing, sorting out the information in my head. Live long enough, and you’ve probably had a similar experience. Even if it wasn’t direct knowledge, it could be a fusion of overlapping experiences.
But by this point, my dreams had already crossed that line.
The week-long aptitude test.
A magical talent with six attunements.
That story, that information — of course none of it was mine. Even Irene had never heard of such things.
Or rather, who exactly was [I] in the dream?
This body. It wouldn’t take injury, it hardly tired. It could use a magic acquired after birth.
Until now, I had been under the impression that it was all a product of having [a body that turned female by ancient medicine]. These two things were shaking my faith in that simple explanation.
Even now, in the extremes of my heart, I would touch upon those speculations. Each time, I would put off drawing my conclusions.
Because quite simply, it frightened me.
‘It was the effect of the ancient medicine.’ That explanation was easy to understand, you see.
Assuming I had a ray of hope, being able to see a path to the solution was critical.
But what if it wasn’t the effect of the medicine?
Then why the hell did I end up with this body?
I’d be all the way back at square one.
What I don’t know only serves to frighten me. Especially if I ever forget myself.
“…Hkk–”
I felt defeated. A few tears trickled from the corner of my eye. Even I was surprised by that. Not trying to fool anyone, I buried my face in the pillow.
It’s useless. These thoughts are useless.
“…Are you crying?”
“!!!!!!!!!!”
I wasn’t expecting to words to come from the side. I jumped out of bed, tumbling all the way to the end as I fled.
And with the blanket still covering me, I took a defensive posture for good measure.
There was no need to check. It was Leon.
Leon had come almost every day, but naturally, I thought he wouldn’t today. So I let down my guard, and now here we are.
Even so, what’s wrong with this guy? Alright, I’ll concede to his presence in my room1, but in that case, what the hell was that yesterday?
I lowered the blanket just a fraction to check his face.
My gaze caught, I reluctantly poked my head out from the blanket and faced him. Then, I pinned him with the nastiest glare I could muster.
“…Hey, you. What the hell were you doing yesterday?”
I was long past giving a damn, even about swearing to his face.
— Wait, no. I didn’t have any intention of asking that.
…Because he already knew I was a guy, this situation was looking pretty damn bad. Especially for my mental well-being.
“I had… something to think about.”
Leon’s response ran contrary to my worried expectations. I didn’t know if he noticed them or not, but he calmly adopted a thoughtful demeanor.
“What were you thinking so much about?”
After asking that question almost reflexively, I realized that I’d allowed myself be caught up in Leon’s pace. If I asked, I had to listen.
How would the conversation go from there?
“Just you.”
So we were going there after all. 2
Though I thought expected as much, the problem was the content. If a man, or possibly a woman, thought of nothing but a member of the opposite sex, it was typically that sort of thing.
…But it wasn’t that kind of conversation.
“Pretty calm, aren’t you. So, the verdict?”
When I thought about it, there was a high possibility that Leon knew various things about my abnormal condition by this point.
At that time, he played stupid and didn’t say anything, so I thought maybe I was the only one who could see it. But remembering the incident with Guibenague, that couldn’t be true.
If there was anything left that he didn’t know, it was just those enigmatic dreams.
What’s more, Leon said he thought things over.
Hey Teach, won’t you share with the class?
–
–
“This is getting right to the point, but would you do me the honor of marrying me?”
–
–
……
……
……Huh?
I looked at him like, ‘What is this guy talking about?’ Leon’s words went round and round in my head, but I couldn’t make sense of them.
What — he — just now, what did he say? Mare-ee-ing. Marrying?
“HUUUUH?”
What the hell is he thinking?
He heard what I said yesterday to begin with. That I was a guy.
Wrapped up in the blanket, I inched away, little by little.
In other words, I was the one backing away. I could say, with absolute conviction, that I had never wanted to retreat so badly in my entire life.
“Is it no good?”
“Do I even need to say it!”
When Leon asked me that with a slight unease, I yelled back at him full-force.
“Why?”
‘Why,’ you say…
Faced with too straightforward a question, I inadvertently faltered.
“Well, ’cause, because, I’m a guy.”
I had to wring out the words.
After I answered, for a moment I pictured a gross punchline — Leon saying [It’s alright, I’m actually a woman] — and hastily shook my head to get rid of the image.
No. Just no. I felt like my head was in chaos. This development came completely out of the blue.
Coming this far, I was a little embarrassed that I seriously expected Leon to have some kind of insight into my situation.
Maybe I should say I severely overestimated him in this case?
“But at the moment, you’re a genuine woman, right? What’s the problem?”
“Well, yeah, that’s true… but I’m telling you, inside I’m a guy! I never planned to stay a woman forever in the first place!”
“Is that so? …That’s a shame.”
When I practically screamed at him, Leon’s tone suddenly calmed, and his usual smile returned.
Seeing him withdraw so easily, I sunk even deeper into confusion.
“All joking aside, I want to ask you to take on a new request.”
…Joking?
The words left me dumbstruck for a moment. But when my mind caught up, I realized that the conversation we had just now was Leon teasing me, and I instantly exploded with rage.
“Don’t — you — fuck with me!”
Furious, I threw aside the blanket and savagely launched myself at Leon.
I grabbed him by the nape of the neck to yank him down —
“Wah–!?”
The moment I tried, my vision spun in a circle, and I found my body snugly settled in Leon’s arms.
Then, when I grasped what happened, Leon had me in a princess carry.
“P–Put me down–! Let go, you moron–!”
I tried to mount a resistance, flailing my arms and legs about, but with the difference in physique, Leon was completely unperturbed.
I couldn’t do anything, so stuck with this set-up, I glared daggers at him.
“My apologies. Just now, I was caught up in the moment.”
And then Leon lowered his head with an unexpected readiness. His expression seemed to be genuinely apologetic.
Seeing that, I felt my rage quickly cooling.
…This guy. Despite being nobility, he’d bow his head so easily to a guy like me…?
So I thought, but I felt that it was very much like him, so even though I was still pissed, my emotions settled down a bit.
“…Put me down.”
“Ah, yes, of course.”
Nodding obediently, Leon took care to put me down so that I was sitting on the bed.
Leon went back to his usual spot and sat down in the chair. His expression seemed somewhat downcast.
There was something childish about it, I guess?
……Honestly, this guy.
“…So!? What’s this goddamn request of yours?”
I snapped, turning away angrily and crossing my arms.
I snuck a quick glance at him, just with my eyes. Sure enough, when hangdog Leon heard me, a slightly apologetic smile returned to his face.
What a simple guy.
Seeing him like that, an indescribable emotion leapt inside my heart, but I did my best to ignore it.
“Will you listen to it?”
“If it’s just listening!”
I spat back. I couldn’t let him get more impudent here. So I issued him a strict warning.
“The truth is, there is a troubling matter on my hands.”
…But even so, Leon started to speak without reserve.
Whatever this troubling matter was, all I got was an unpleasant premonition. Just like last time.
By the time I noticed, I was already hearing him out.
Did I have no intention of leaving this place? This wasn’t something I should have asked about, was it?
Could it be that one way or another, I was just being made to dance to his tune?
It was an unpleasant conclusion. But I was the one who brought it up. Forcing myself to accept the fact, however unwillingly, I couldn’t do much besides lending him my ear.
Author’s Notes
I say ‘second’, but it might be more like the middle.
Footnotes
2. やはり、というか、そう切り出してきた ↵
Hey, you guys would tell me if you spotted any typos, right?