And so night fell.
In the end, Leon didn’t show himself after he left. At least, not to me.
But when I tried to imagine what the reason why, I felt some sympathy. That served to offset my own undefinable feelings toward him. 1
It wasn’t like I went out of my way to deceive him.
It wasn’t, but when I thought about it, I got the feeling I did something horrible to him.
…No, I deceived him — or more precisely, I lied. From the very beginning.
Only, Leon had already known the truth. So there was a part of me that thought that maybe this confession, too, would end with a simple [I know].
But the result: Leon got flustered like it was outside his wildest predictions…
When I thought about it, I felt like I’d done something awful all the same.
Thinking back, there was that request between us, sure, but it wasn’t that both parties had an even mutual understanding, and all that was left was the debt Leon owed us, I realized. 2
He sheltered us, the runaway slaves.
He gave us a place to sleep.
We owed him more than enough for that.
You might even say that in the end, we would be paying back his kindness with evil.
Like it or not, reality was reality. Let’s say I didn’t make that confession and instead passed myself off as a woman. Based on my speculations so far, it didn’t seem like I would’ve had a bright future waiting for me.
For example, well, Leon might’ve confessed to me.
That… would be trouble.
From that perspective, coming clean about myself was for my sake, as well as Leon’s.
Yeah, so, I’m not sorry.
Somehow, I feel like I’ve been letting my imagination run too wild, but I should have nothing to be sorry about.
“…Chris?”
Palmira’s voice interrupted my reverie, and I looked at her blankly.
“Ah?”
“The soup will get cold.”
Palmira looked a little concerned by my idiot response. I pondered her meaning for a few moments before coming back to my senses.
“Y-Yeah.”
And I hastily dipped my spoon into the soup served for dinner.
It’s delicious, but…
“What’s wrong with Lord Leon?”
murmured3 Aira.
That was why I ended up thinking about all that stuff.
“I wonder, did we do something bad after all…?”
“That’s right.”
Sitting in his seat for some reason, Irene cut in decisively.
In the very beginning, I was dead set on being vague and using that as a smoke screen, but it was tiresome to balance that and the business with Leon too, so I told Irene the truth.
For the time being, I set aside the matter of my birth and told her the part about becoming a woman.
She pulled away from me.
Well, I mean, that’s normal. I think. I completely felt that way myself; if it were me, I’d back the hell away too.
But in a slight change of course, Irene summed it up, in words that could be taken as abuse or disparagement, as: [It’s unfair for a guy who turned into a girl to be that beautiful.]
Hey, don’t look at me. Well, it wasn’t like I wanted to turn into a woman in the first place, so I didn’t take it personally.
But it seemed that she understood but wouldn’t settle down unless she said something. It was a relief, even, to be spoken to so bluntly.
And so4 she left.
It felt a little lonely, but since I’d be saying goodbye to her soon, making a clean cut was probably for the best.
“S’what I’m sayin’, I just can’t believe a beautiful girl like this used t’be a guy. Lord Leon was shocked too, ‘m I right?”
But for some reason, she was at dinner too. I didn’t understand why.
And if that weren’t enough, she was now helping herself to the wine and gulping it down, glug glug. Real classy.
“That aside, why are you here? You’re on the opposite side, aren’t you?”
“The opposite side’s fulla rescued slaves righ’ now, C’manner Leopard said I could eat here.”
I didn’t know what her position was right now, but setting us, the guests, aside, I suspected that Leopard’s ‘here’ probably didn’t mean here.
Is she, by any chance, an immense annoyance to the serving maids and the cook here? I can’t say she doesn’t seem the type.
“Ahhh, damn iiiiit. Lord Leon, don’t fall for someone like that, fall for me.”
When I heard her speaking so frankly, I suddenly started to question my earlier conclusions. Did Leon actually fall for me?
Come to think of it, if it isn’t actually the case that [he fell for me], then honestly, I’ve been pretty embarrassing. Or should I say ‘extremely self-conscious’? In this case.
But if that’s not it, then what was going on with Leon’s attitude back then?
If there’s some other reason —
…I’m coming up empty. Hmm.
“I mean, c’moooooon, even if it isn’t me, Airi and Polly are here too, aren’t they? Even if they’re just pretty faces. Whyzit you? I’m not okay with this.”
“…Ahaha.”
“I don’t care.”
Unable to say anything, Aira responded with a strained laugh. Palmira tossed in a few blunt words, like saying she wasn’t interested. Or more accurately, she was still eating.
Her eyes met mine as I stared at her, making her testy. She’s sharp. Those glaring eyes are scary.
“…Don’t you know? In the first place, feelings or not, there’s a difference in our social standing. And we were always going to have to leave sooner or later,”
I said, turning my eyes away from Palmira.
To be honest, thinking about it was starting to get on my nerves.
“…How long will we be able to stay here…”
Uneasy, Aira let those words slip.
At the moment, we were more or less guests. If I remembered correctly, according to what Leon said in the very beginning, it should have been until Palmira’s injury healed.
It was his later request that kept us here, and now that was over too.
We didn’t have any reason to be here anymore.
Right, our pay.
“Yeah, that’s right! Our pay!”
I forgot the most important reason for coming back to this comfy place.
Even if we were leaving, we had to get that money5.
Five hundred thousand? With five hundred thousand —
…what would I do?
I had a feeling that I thought of so many things when he made the offer.
Leave this place, five hundred thousand coins richer, and then what?
But what would I do?
“……”
I looked at Aira and Palmira.
Somehow, I found it ridiculous to leave the decision I couldn’t make in someone else’s hands. And in front of Irene, it was tasteless.
Well, look, why not think about it after getting the money?
In the end, I might regret leaving.
The food was tasty, and best of all, I could sleep without worry.
How long could we stay here?
We had to leave someday.
And that probably wouldn’t be too far off in the future.
Just when I noticed how quiet it was, Irene fell over onto the table, asleep. She was wearing an expression of pure bliss.
When I saw that, I somehow envied her.
“…Going to sleep?”
I asked, rising from my seat.
But I couldn’t say anything against that either.
She might be the only one among us capable of great resolve.
I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring.
But now, it made me uneasy.
After all, this was somewhere we didn’t belong.
Author’s Notes
Though I want to get around to the story.
Footnotes
2. 思い出せば、確かに例の依頼があったものの、それは両者合意のイーブンなものだったので無かったこととしてしまうと、残るのはただ、レオンから俺たちに対する恩だけだということに気付く ↵
4. Skipped: 言うだけ言った ↵
5. Skipped; if we don’t receive the money, it won’t become a story?: 報酬を貰わなければ、お話にならない. ↵