BOY--"I don't know. You'd better ask him. That's him a little farther up the stream."
FOND MOTHER--"Oh, Reginald! Reginald! I thought I told you not to play with your soldiers on Sunday."
REGINALD--"But I call them the Salvation Army on Sunday."
"Helen, I really cannot permit you to read novels on the Sabbath."
"But, grandma, this one is all right; it tells about a girl who was engaged to three Episcopal clergymen all at once."
Enforcement of the blue laws would make Sunday not a day of resting but of arresting.
When the New York National League ball club was playing in Boston, a local clergyman called at the hotel where the players were stopping one Sunday to congratulate Mathewson on his stand against playing on the Sabbath.
The clerk made a few mysterious inquiries and then said: "Sorry, sir, but Mr. Mathewson is out playing golf."--_Everybody's_.
SUNDAY SCHOOLS
"Ef yo' had your choice, Liza, which would yo' rather do--live, or die an' go to heaven?"
"Ah'd rather live."
"Why, Liza White, yo' scan'lous chile! Sunday-school hain't done yo'
no good'tall!"--_Life_.
JIMMIE AND BOBBIE--"Mother I don't mind going to Sunday school any other day, but it just spoils Sunday."
Little Raymond returned home from Sunday school in a very joyous mood. "Oh, mother," he exclaimed as he entered the house, "the superintendent said something awfully nice about me in his prayer this morning!"
"Isn't that lovely! What did he say, pet?" questioned the mother.
"He said, 'O Lord, we thank thee for our food and Raymond.'"
SUPERSTITION
MRS. WIGGS--"Is Billy sick, Mrs. Skinner?"
MRS. SKINNER--"Well, 'e ain't exactly sick, but no stummick can stand thirteen buns! It's an unlucky number."-_Puck_.
"And you wouldn't begin a journey on Friday?"
"Not I."
"I can't understand how you can have faith in such a silly superstition."
"No superstition about it. Saturday's my pay day."
SURPRISE
"Do you think Gladys was surprised when I proposed to her?" inquired the happy youth.
"About as surprised," answered Miss Cayenne, "as a candidate who has received formal notification that he has been nominated."
Boss entering his factory caught two of his employees shooting craps during working hours. "Oh! what is the matter with you?"
"Well boss, I can't help it, you see you got rubber heels."
SYMPATHY
BEGGAR--"I haven't tasted food for a month."
DYSPEPTIC--"You ain't missing much. It's the same old taste."
Every seat was occupied, when a group of women got in. The conductor noticed a man who he thought was asleep.
"Wake up!" shouted the conductor.
"I wasn't asleep," said the passenger.
"Not asleep! Then what did you have your eyes closed for?"
"It was because of the crowded condition of the car," explained the passenger. "I hate to see the women standing."