"How is your little brother, Johnny?"
"Sick abed. He hurt himself."
"That's too bad. How did he do it?"
"We were playing who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won."
_See also_ Determination.
SUITORS
The one who brings candy and eats most of it himself.
The nice beau with the little automobile.
The not-so-nice one with the big automobile.
The handsome suitor who talks about himself.
The man who likes theaters and tea.
The man who would make a better uncle than husband.
The one who means well.
The right man.
"My dear," said the proud father, "I can not understand your objection to young Prudely as a suitor for your hand. I am sure that he is a model young man."
"There is no question about his being a model," replied the bewitching beauty; "but, father, dear, the trouble is that he is a 1912 model."
HER MOTHER--"My daughter sings, plays the piano, paints, understands botany, zoology, French, Italian--in fact is accomplished in every way. And you, sir?"
PROSPECTIVE SON-IN-LAW--"Well, in an emergency I suppose I could cook a little and mend the socks."
SUMMER RESORTS
"We are taking in boarders this summer."
"Have they found it out yet?"
SUNDAY
The solemn Sabbath air was wracked by strident cries from "de gang,"
engaged in a game of one-eyed cat. Finally the good lady of the house ventured a protest and suggestion.
"Boys," she said, "don't you know that it is Sunday and you mustn't play ball in the front-yard? Go in the back-yard and play, if you must."
"Hey, youse!" yelled the leader to his followers. "Come on in the back-yard. It ain't Sunday there."
_Sunday the Thirteenth_
Must the new morn Be a Blue morn?
Must we backward turn to find The kind of day To while away The stalwart modern mind?
Must the Sun day Be the one day When the sun is banned to all?
Must our play day Be a gray day Locked behind a prison wall?
Must the rest day Be a pest day?
Must we bore ourselves to death By boding ill From sitting still To curb each merry breath?
Must the feast day Be the least day, Robbed of all the things we'd seek?
Must our proud day Be a shroud day With rehearsals once a week?
--_Mabel Haughton Collyer_.
_Keeping Calm_
I have my share of grief and care, Beyond the slightest doubt; I have enough of dreadful stuff Each day to fret about.
So when I see prepared for me A line of stuff like this: "The Sabbath gang now want to hang The man who steals a kiss!
They'd kill the joy of man and boy, Who'd spend the Sabbath day By motoring where song birds sing, And put all fun away!"
I do not fret and get upset, And let that frighten me; Let others storm--that's one reform That's never going to be!
--_Edgar A. Guest_.
Recent clerical utterances against Sunday amusements raise the question of whether a clergyman, with six days for outdoor recreation, is the one best qualified to pass on a Sabbath schedule of toilers who work from sun to sun six days a week.
LADY (to small boy who is fishing)--"I wonder what your father would say if he caught you fishing on Sunday?"