"Fine," beamed the agent.
Manufacturer reached for the "good-business" cigars.
"How fine?"
"Got two good orders," the agent said.
"Ah-ha," grinned the boss. "Who were they from?"
"One," came the reply, "was from Mr.---- of---- &---- who ordered me to 'Get out,' and the other was from his partner who ordered me to 'Stay out.'"
_See also_ Booksellers and bookselling; Mistakes.
SALVATION
An evangelist was exhorting his hearers to flee from the wrath to come. "I warn you," he thundered, "there will be weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth."
At this point an old woman of the congregation stood up.
"Sir, I have no teeth."
"Madam," returned the preacher sternly, "teeth will be provided."
SAVING
SON--"Dad, what is a savings account?"
FATHER--"A savings account is that part of a man's income which the government takes after permitting him to pay for the necessities of life."
_See also_ Economy; Thrift.
SCANDAL
"Yes, it cost me ten thousand dollars to have my family-tree looked up, and five thousand dollars more to have it hushed up."--_Life_.
Believe that story false that ought not to be true.--_Sheridan_.
Willing to wound, and yet afraid to strike, Just hint a fault, and hesitate dislike; Alike reserv'd to blame, or to commend, A tim'rous foe, and a suspicious friend.
--_Pope_.
The scandal of the world is what makes the offence; it is not sinful to sin in silence.--_Moliere_.
SCHOLARSHIP
"What's the matter? You look thoughtful."
"My six-year-old son brought home a list of questions to answer."
"What of that?"
"My average ranks me as a deficient kid."
"Is my son getting well grounded in the classics?" asked the millionaire.
"I would put it even stronger than that," replied the private tutor.
"I may say that he is actually stranded on them."
"Tommy Tucker is the worst boy in school, Harry, and I want you to keep as far away from him as you possibly can."
"I do, mother. He stays at the head of the class most of the time."
_See also_ College students.
SCHOOLS
A keen-eyed mountaineer led his overgrown son into a country schoolhouse. "This here boy's arter larnin'," he announced. "What's yer bill o'fare?"
"Our curriculum, sir," corrected the schoolmaster, "embraces geography, arithmetic, trigonometry--"
"That'll do," interrupted the father. "That'll do. Load him up well with triggernometry. He's the only poor shot in the family."