Chapter 13. I Am Very Hard
Today, the sky was bright and the air was clear, a gentle breeze was blowing. To be honest, it was an ideal day to film a beach commercial. Maybe because the sun was too strong and the surrounding beach area had been cleared out early that morning, but there was nobody on the beach.
A slight breeze was blowing, seabirds squawked overhead, occasionally gliding around. It added a measure of life and spiritedness to the shot.
On the beach, the director wore a wide-brimmed hat and half-squatted in the sea. In one hand, he held the cucumber covered by the swim trunks, in the other hand he slowly lowered the fish tank into the water. Very quickly, the little jellyfish's tentacle floated out of the fish tank. The director shook the cucumber in the water while lowly calling out, "Come on! Do you see this? Come and get this! Quick! Quick!!"
Hua Ji couldn't bear to watch this director's ridiculous actions. He had half a mind to tell the director that the little jellyfish would absolutely be able to achieve the goal of the filming but held his tongue after thinking it over. 'A jellyfish turns into a spirit.' This kind of situation most people would not believe would happen, just let the director first try it out for himself!
He watched, wide-eyed as the little jellyfish drifted out of the fish tank; he watched, wide-eyed as the little jellyfish surged towards the unceasingly swaying cucumber; and he watched, wide-eyed as a long, long tentacle with barbs struck out with lightning-fast speed, brushing past the cucumber in the swim trunks and weaved around the director's elbow to attack the dragon in his jeans[1].
Director: "Ahhhhhhhhhh–!!"
Hua Ji: "……"
Hua Ji wiped his forehead with his hand. Lord Jellyfish was too cruel, he ignored the cucumber in the swim trunks, focusing on the director's precious 'little brother', and even attacked forcefully…… it was really too miserable.
Lord Jellyfish: Let's see him look down on me!
The director seemed to unconsciously fling away the cucumber and swim trunks, loosening his grip on the fish tank, jumping up from his squatting position. He even leaped out of the water, crying out loudly like a frog as he threw himself towards the beach = =
The surrounding people were all shocked stiff by the director's incredible display. The manufacturer lowered his head and said disbelievingly to his assistant, "Amazing skills! This is truly a case of a real master not revealing his skills!!"
His assistant frantically nodded his head, even going so far as to pull out a small book from his bosom, specially drawing two horizontal lines across the director's name= =
The director stumbled back to the beach like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. The surrounding people were stunned, the person with the fastest reaction was the director's assistant. The assistant hurriedly came forward to support the director, but who would have expected the director to say with an alarmed expression, "Stay further away from me! Further away!! Don't stimulate the jellyfish anymore!!"
The assistant then discovered that the director's posture was extremely beautiful, both legs spread wide, the exposed location…… okay, that seemingly small and fragile jellyfish tightly pursued the director's precious thing, t-t-this……
The director’s assistant quick-wittedly said, "I'll call 120!"
The manufacturer blurted out, "120 is only for illnesses, you need to call the police in case of wild animal attacks! 110 ah!"
The manufacturer's assistant added his two cents, "You can also call 119!"
Hua Ji couldn't bear to continue watching. He walked forward with large steps, pushing aside the director's assistant fumbling around in anxiousness with one hand, the other hand shoving the director onto the ground.
The surrounding people: Wah–!!
The director fell back with his face towards the sky, Hua Ji plopped down beside the director's chest and reached a hand out to touch the small jellyfish. He looked at the small jellyfish wrapped around the director's precious 'little brother', his hand almost touching it when the small jellyfish suddenly reached out a tentacle to smack the back of Hua Ji's hand.
The surrounding people gasped in shock: Wah! Huge was stung by the jellyfish? Really need to call 120 now!!
Hua Ji's face colour didn't change. With a tone like he was coaxing a small child, he said, "Be good, come down. Do you really like to stay on someone else's ol' two[2]?"
The director was about to collapse. How could this have any effect? He also coaxed the jellyfish like this, but what was the result? The result was that he was attacked!!
Who would have thought that when Hua Ji's words just fell, the jellyfish would let go. Like a snake, it slithered onto Hua Ji's arm; Hua Ji seized the opportunity and stood up. The director didn't react for a long time, he lay on the beach and twisted a bit. Huh? The restricting feeling that was difficult to put into words disappeared.
The manufacturer strolled over to the director's side, smilingly saying, "What? Did you really want a spicy-hot blowjob?"
The director trembled from head to toe as he instantly turned over and pushed himself to his feet. He lowered his head to look at his jeans; the jeans had been twisted by the jellyfish's long, long tentacle until they tore.
This f*cking thing was a jellyfish? It was more terrifying than a mace!!
He stared at the jellyfish on Hua Ji's hand with a convoluted expression. Hua Ji coughed and said, "Do you still want to try?"
The director gnashed his teeth and said, "Of course I want to try."
However, this time he directed Hua Ji to be the one to do it. Hua Ji's face was dark; he placed the cucumber and swim shorts in front of the jellyfish, saying without any good feelings, "You have to be gentler……"
Before he had finished speaking, he saw Lord Jellyfish flash by before his eyes like a shadow. With a rustling sound, the swim trunk was split in half along with the cucumber.
Hua Ji: "……"
Only now did the surrounding people see the milky-white tentacle waving in midair.
Nobody dared to speak out of fear.
After a long time, the director slowly said, "I think we should use the crab after all."
The director thought beautifully but mysteriously, no matter what sea creature was brought out, be it a crab; a sea roach; a shellfish; or a sea urchin, the moment these critters were brought near the waters around them , they would be so afraid that they immediately tried to escape.
The director was incredibly perplexed. "Why did this crab run away so fast? When did the sea urchins grow legs[3]?"
The ocean fish shop owner said, "Typically, these creatures won't act like this unless there was something nearby that would make these little fellows feel terrified. For example, if a shark was drawing near, the seawater around the area would not have any fish activity."
The director blanked out; the thing that made these animals feel fear……
He unconsciously looked towards the jellyfish in Hua Ji's hand before shaking his head. That couldn't be, jellyfish were only a type of lifeform low on the food chain, they didn't even have brains. There were even people who said that jellyfish couldn't differentiate between colours, only knowing how to float around in the water. How could they possibly deter other lifeforms from surviving near them?
In order to prove his own point, the director had the ocean fish shop owner send a large sea turtle over.
Don't sea turtles eat jellyfish? There should be no more problems this way.
Hua Ji saw this wasn't a solution. He said, "Director, there's no need to bring over whatever sea turtle. Let us try one more time."
The director closely observed Hua Ji, lowly saying, "My boy Hua Ji, aren't you afraid this thing would cut off your…… that thing?"
Hua JI's mouth twitched. "Relax. I am very hard!!"
The director exhaled a breath. With a face full of admiration, he patted Hua Ji's shoulder. "Huboy, you're a real man!!"
He didn't want to waste any more time. Wasting one day's time meant he needed to pay an extra day of wages ya!
Action!
Sunshine, the beach, the sea and coconut trees, as well as…… the countless number of people playing in the sea.
At this moment, a large wave came roaring. A small, transparent jellyfish floated along with the wave to the seaside in a seemingly confused manner. It floated and floated, the long tentacles spreading out in the sea, arriving among the crowd of people.
The water near the beach was stirred up until it looked cloudy from the number of people splashing around. At this time when everyone was immersed in having fun, the transparent, little jellyfish reached out a sinister, cruel hand.
The first one!
Extra A let out a miserable cry.
The second one!
Extra B, too, let out a miserable cry.
The third one!
Extra C staggered and fell into the water.
The crowd of people on the beach were filled with terror. All of them hurriedly ran back to the shore. There was only a single, black-haired handsome guy remaining in the sea, continuing to swim, as if he were a fish in water; the lines of his body were extremely beautiful.
Someone beside the sea hollered, "There's something in the sea! Quickly come back!"
This black-haired handsome guy directly leaped out of the sea, sea water spraying in all four directions. He stepped on the beach, reaching out a hand to tug on his swim trunks and deliberately showing off the brand logo printed on the trunks. A jellyfish hung on the outside of his swim trunks; with a shake, the jellyfish was shaken off and dropped onto the beach.
The black-haired handsome guy lifted his head; he ran hand through his hair and revealed a bright, spicy-hot smile. That disdainful gaze instantly wiped out all the men on the beach.
"I have ## swim trunks, not even knives and guns are effective!"
Extras ABC immediately turned to the camera, simultaneously letting out a wowed expression; and so, the filming for the commercial was completed.
The moment the director yelled "Cut!", Hua Ji bent down to pick up Lord Jellyfish and placed him in the shallow water, fearful that he would dry out.
When the director took a look at the footage, he nodded his head in satisfaction and said to the few extras, "Your acting this time was pretty good!"
The extras wanted to cry but had no tears. "Who was f*cking acting? It's really painful ya!!"
The director unconsciously clenched his legs together, embarrassedly avoiding this question. "Alright, the jellyfish's role is already over. Come, come, after filming a few extra shots we can call it a day!"
The day's filming was over, Hua Ji hugged the fish tank and left.
In the fish tank, the Lord Jellyfish bobbing up and down suddenly said, "Is there anything else after this?"
Hua Ji blanked for a moment. "For the time being there's nothing. Oh right, the memory crystal ball you gave to me last time, I found someone to make it into a film. I want to let more people see the birth of this Earth……"
He looked at the small jellyfish in the fish tank. "Great One, are you okay with this being publicly screened?"
Lord Jellyfish tilted his little umbrella to face upwards. Maybe it was his imagination, but Hua Ji always felt as if Lord Jellyfish was observing him deeply.
After a while, Lord Jellyfish said, "Just screen it publicly. The growth of the Earth took tens of billions of years, but to destroy this planet, only a short century is needed."
Hua Ji was stunned stiff.
Lord Jellyfish was unwilling to talk more about this topic, he said, "The day after tomorrow is my examinations. I will temporarily retract this little jellyfish's consciousness."
Hua Ji said, "En, all the best for your examinations."
The day after tomorrow, huh? Seems like that He Bai that girl was still filming together with Old Lady Bai Mei?
Oh! What fantastic news! Go book a train ticket in a while, let's go to see Lord Jellyfish off to his examinations!
[1] The words here are 直捣黄龙. Which translates to assailing Huanglong, which is a famous dragon in Chinese mythology. In this situation, I think you can figure out what it means by yourself…
[2] Slang for dick.
[3] This just means the sea urchins were so afraid of Lord Jellyfish that they ran away so fast it seemed like they grew legs. Although in the context of what this story is about, I wouldn’t be surprised if they actually grew legs.