Chapter 43
Chapter 43: Shaky Emotions
There was no trace of Caria’s finger on my throat . The tightness was gone .
I was supposed to feel relieved . Still, something else bothered my throat . I poured some ale on my mouth to soften my throat . I tried to “swallow” my anxiety and frustration .
Caria narrowed her eyes and bit her tiny lips . She stared fixedly at me as she waited for some sort of meaningful reply .
Please, give me a break . This situation felt so awkward and uncomfortable that I almost couldn’t breathe .
「I see . For the sake of your childhood friend . That makes sense . That’s why you’re willing to walk on “burning iron” . 」
Caria nodded a few times after she heard my explanation . After a short moment, she looked somewhat convinced at my story . She grinned from the corner of her mouth . It would be great if I really persuaded her with my words .
There was no way that I would explain everything to her . If I were to tell her that in fact, an unknown shadowy figure visited me or that I came from the future, she would suspect that sanity was gone .
But, I told her about everything else except those supernatural phenomena . I explained her that my childhood friend Ariene was the focus of my journey . In order to save her, I had to become an accomplish adventurer . Therefore, I planned to make use of the upcoming turmoil between the Heraldic people and Garoua Maria to achieve that status . I mentioned all of that except for my feelings of hatred towards Helot Stanley . I didn’t want to mention that by any means .
This was the maximum sincerity that I could show to Caria . She trusted me as her comrade, and she was willing to follow my path . Yes, in the past she would’ve looked down on me and make me feel as if my life were worthless . Of course, this Caria was different from the one back then . This Caria became my companion . My trusted comrade .
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If my assumption was correct, then her attitude towards me would be different from her other self . Of course, I only showed her a little bit of my sincerity . So, let’s hope she’ll buy that and respond to my feelings of comradeship .
I didn’t have any etiquette nor education . I was just a mere rat . But, she was different . She had the duty of a noble . Etiquette wasn’t always necessary . But duty yes . She wouldn’t toss me away after she vowed to become my fellow comrade . It would go against her principles if she were to breech the link she created with me . Unless, I dishonored that unbreakable vow . Therefore, this talk was the best I could do in order to preserve my relationship with her .
After thinking for a while, Caria spoke while touching her face with her tiny finger .
「Your childhood friend from the Cathedral, huh…Ariene, you say . I see . That’s why your impeding deal with the Heraldic people could be advantageous for you . Still, just your hands aren’t enough to achieve that purpose . You’ll need more “hands” in order to succeed it . 」
Strangely enough, it seemed that I convinced her immediately . After all, her expression didn’t change that much and she kept grinning from the corner of her mouth .
After adjusting the long sword at her waist, Caria bent over to the table and grabbed the bottle of alcohol . She took a large sip of ale while staring at me .
This sight was flamboyant . Her eyes were gleaming like silvery jewels . I took a long deep breath involuntarily . A moment of silence lasted for a long while .
「…I understand . I will come into contact with the ministry of self-defense . I’ll try to do what I can do in order to help you . I can’t guarantee anything . But, based on the story of their social standing, I should be able to join them without much hassle . 」
Caria spoke in a lighter tone . She moved her lips and continued to speak .
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「I’m going to accept your plan . But, that’s it . From now on, I’ll move under my judgement and reason…You don’t have any complaints, do you?」
Of course, I nodded positively in response .
There was no problem whatsoever . What I wanted was not a doll that impersonated Caria . I wanted the human being named Caria . I wanted her to demonstrate rationality, to make judgements on the spot, and to seek the best solution . I wanted Caria, the proud knight . That’s why I considered her a reliable person and comrade .
That’s right . Before long, I noticed that Caria’s cheeks were slightly red . I didn’t know if they became red because of the ale or because of her swirling emotions .
「This was a meaningful talk . However, don’t you dare mess everything up or I’ll have my hands chopped up as well . You…No . I should say it differently… . Let’s do our best . 」
Our conversation was finished . Her gaze did not seek my eyes anymore . Caria looked the other way and got up from the table . She walked away and trampled on the local Guild’s wooden broad . She opened the door and went out .
Well then, I should go too . I had to get ready . I mustn’t rely on Caria for everything . I had to do something myself in order to stand as her equal . I wasn’t a worthless human being after all .
Just like Caria, I drank the remaining ale in one gulp . While I drank, some words spun from the back of my mind . Ah, what a pain . This really felt like an excruciating pain .
*bang*
I put the bottle of alcohol on the table abruptly . Unwanted emotions spurred on my brain without warning .
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I slowly put my hand in my mouth to suppress the emotions that appeared against my will . I didn’t feel such emotions before Caria became my comrade . That’s right . I never felt like this .
The behavior that Caria showed me today . That emotion . No doubt about it . It was obsession . Caria was showing a strong attachment to my persona that didn’t go unnoticed . She didn’t show this emotion to anyone else . Not to Helot Stanley nor other men . She only showed this to me .
On this precise moment, I felt shaky emotions from the depths of my heart .
Stop . I mustn’t get happy . I mustn’t be fooled by such emotions . That person was Caria after all . Yes, Caria Burdnick . She was the woman that humiliated me before . She treated me like garbage . A worthless living being . I could count the times she trampled on me and used her tyranny to oppress me . She was a cold and harsh woman that didn’t feel empathy . She never hid her resentment and prejudice towards weaklings like myself .
Ah, but . But .
…How could I make these shaky emotions disappear from the bottom of my heart? How could I suppress the surge of joy?
—
It was not an exaggeration to say that Caria’s cheeks became red because she did her best to suppress her emotions . She walked away and trampled on the wooden board on the floor, and left through the local Guild’s door .
Caria’s chest felt rough and unwanted emotions began to shake her own eyes . After all, her eyes became slightly watery . Hot blood circulated vigorously throughout her body . Tension and nervousness made her body boiling hot from the tip of her toe to the tip of her hair .
She felt this uncomfortable sensation . Yes, a sensation that made her heart beat too fast . It became “so big” that she felt that her chest was going to burst out at any moment .
It may be the first time that Caria felt this spur of shaky emotions . Caria gritted her back teeth in frustration . The pressure was so strong that all of her teeth smashed with one and another as if they were about to self-destruct .
“His face . Yes, the face he made back then . Lugis’ expression was different from his usual self when he mentioned the name of that woman called Ariene . ” Caria thought .
She kept thinking . “That was an expression I’ve never seen on him before . He had such a warm expression all over his face . ”
Vexing . Cats and mice trembled in fear and ran immediately from Caria’s path as if they felt her dark mood and bitter feelings . The same happened with people . No obstacles appeared in front of the silver-haired girl’s walking path .
Many words were stuck on her throat as if they were about to explode . While gritting her teeth, Caria’s lips were pressed tightly as well . She tried to suppress these shaky emotions . Yet, the emotional storm didn’t go away .
「…Okay, Lugis . If you need me now, fine . Because I’ll follow you wherever you’ll go . 」
Even so . However . Caria whispered as she walked away . Her voice trembled incessantly because of her unwanted emotions . Her feelings were so overpowering that even her voice sounded different . It was as if another person spoke for her . At the same time, her tone sounded like a magical tune .
Somehow, her frightening smile was strangely beautiful .