Chapter 42
Chapter 42: Obsession
「You have three sins, did you know about that? 」
She held up her thin finger to my throat to express her bursting feelings . I narrowed my eyes and I swallowed dry . My brain twisted in a confusing manner after I heard Caria’s questioning . I tried to find an answer for her question, but I became even more confused .
Only a tiny air circulated through my throat . It wasn’t enough to supply my lungs with oxygen . My lungs ached with pain because of the lack of air . My body lost strength and my limbs became dormant . I didn’t feel that great and I was about to lose my consciousness .
What was this feeling? It was true that Caria was a woman capable of behaving rashly and cold-hearted like this . But, there was always some sort of distance between her and me . I always knew what to expect of her nasty words .
Yet, a sin . I didn’t have any memory of it . I tried to recall my memories of the past timeline . Then, I tried to remember what happened so far on the present timeline . Still, I didn’t remember having any guilty feelings towards Caria .
The sight of my eyes’ pupils was slightly blurred . The confusion spread further on my body . My brain became dull as if blood stopped circulating through my veins .
I was unable to understand the meaning of her words . Her piercing talk managed to make me feel bad with myself even though I didn’t know the reason why . It looked as if her hand was choking my throat . This feeling was unmistakably true . This was not a joke or fluke . Seriously, this woman was trying to make me go mad .
「You’re not sure? I’ll tell you…The first one…my “comrade” didn’t care about me and acted on his own without asking for my advice . Twice now . 」
Caria added that she forgave me once . It was as if she wanted to show me her generous side . However, her smile was rather cold . Bittersweet in fact .
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I rounded my eyes when I received her words by nodding slightly .
I understood to some extent . I considered her my comrade and I changed things as I pleased . Most probably, the first time was when I accepted Filaret’s request . After that, the second time was with the negotiations between the Heraldic people without considering them with Caria .
Her chin quivered and her hard expression said it all . I understood why she nominated my sin for those reasons alone . Still, this situation made me feel quite uncomfortable . Even if I tried to speak, I could only make a strange hoarse sound that echoed from my dry and constricted throat .
Then, Caria loosened her expression when she became convinced of my reaction .
「Then, your second sin . This time you’re putting that Sorceress at the center of your plan . You gave her a chance to participate directly on this scheme while you put me behind the scenes . What do you have to say about his, huh?」
Finally, the power behind her thin finger pointed into my throat weakened .
New air went inside of my throat . My esophagus felt a quivering feeling of fresh air coming through . Then, my lungs began to act fervently as they took the new air .
On this moment, I felt a swirl of confusing feelings running on my mind . I wondered if I remained sane or not . I questioned whether my thoughts were intact . Everything that happened here felt like torture . This was nostalgic . Yes, a state of fear and horror that I was familiar with from the past timeline .
Nonetheless, her finger still touched my throat . But, her touch was relaxed now . If I made a mistake, this could cost me dearly . Everything I might say, could damage Caria’s mood .
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At this time, I felt something strange about all of this on my heart .
What? Something felt off . Why was she so full of rage and hatred? This situation was too different when compared to the former Caria during the salvation journey . Of course, her behavior changed as she aged, but even so, something was clearly off this time .
Obsession . Yes, her past fixation . I would never forget it anymore . I remember clearly how obsessed she was with Helot Stanley . Still, her current tantrum made her behavior a lot worse than what it was in the past .
I slowly opened my mouth to speak some words without hurting my throat too much .
「Ugh…Ah . You’re wrong . As far as I can see, Filaret is someone with a fragile heart . If I let her go without paying much attention, she’s likely to “collapse” unless I take care of her . 」
Actually, not quite so .
In fact, that girl was a polar opposite of her future self . Filaret La Volgograd from the journey of salvation was different from the one of this timeline .
She was a fierce girl no matter what happened . She always stood by herself and always showed to others what she was capable of doing . She had the aura that made people feel small against her . She had cunning eyes that were able to see through the inner self of other people .
However, if you looked closely at the present day Filaret, she behaved like a young tree that needed something to lean on . She wouldn’t be able to even imagine standing by herself . It made me feel that I had to watch over her back because she felt hopeless .
I was sure that Filaret was brilliant . A great talented person . Still, this Filaret was still a diamond in rough . It would be irresponsible of me to leave someone like her alone .
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Ah, or maybe I was wrong about it . In fact, it could’ve been otherwise . Perhaps, Filaret leaned on that man’s back during the journey of salvation without me realizing it . I wondered if her attitude remained the same after all .
「But, Caria . You’re different from her . You’re a strong woman . That’s what I really think of you . You are a reliable woman that can even slice the devil’s neck on your own . Besides…」
When I professed those words, I got a weird feeling on my body . I felt that the power of my hands disappeared temporarily . Of course, it wasn’t anything too serious . Caria said, 「Besides what? 」 She questioned my reasons while I tried to explain to her why I put her behind the scenes and not that girl Filaret .
「You’re a very proud person . Even if you dislike me, once you’ve made a promise with me, you’ll never betray me . I know you too well . 」
Yes, that’s the only thing I knew and truly believed .
During my days of the rescue party, she was arrogant, unreasonable and violent with me . But, those days were my past and her future . That’s why she didn’t remember it .
However, I did remember those days myself . I remember that a woman named Caria was a very proud woman that carried her will earnestly . Despite all of her big flaws, she was a great woman on that regard .
For a brief moment, her silvery eyes became wide open . She quivered her lips as well . She wasn’t prepared to hear such words coming from my mouth . She was oblivious of how much I knew about her .
「I see . You speak as if you know me personally . But, I doubt that you gained this wisdom so soon . So, tell me . Why do you believe that I won’t betray you? Why do you think I’m that reliable to being with? Why do you think that deeply about my persona?」
「I already told you before . 」
Caria’s reaction . She stared at me with suspicious eyes . But, it couldn’t be helped though . I just had to do my part in other to appease her unsettled feelings .
「Because you are Caria Burdnick…No . Because it’s you, Caria . 」
Caria thought deeply about what I’ve just said to her . Then, she narrowed her eyes and smiled a little as if she were satisfied with my answer .
「I accept that…I might not be a knight anymore, but I still have the respect and loyalty of a noble . Therefore, if I make a promise with someone, I’ll give them my trust and allegiance . 」
At last, my throat became clear and I was able to breathe normally again . I was finally released from the claws of the devil . I thought that I was living on hell . My strength returned and I felt a relief coming of my shoulders .
I didn’t know if my reasoning was enough . But, at least, it looked like I convinced her somehow .
When I stared at Caria’s face…I noticed that her silvery eyes were too close to my face . We were so close to each other, that I could feel our breaths . Our foreheads almost collided with one another . My throat throbbed spontaneously .
「Well, I hope you haven’t forgotten . But, you have three sins…Third . You seem to be hiding something from me . Your actions and words are weird and unusual sometimes . Even if you have a hidden purpose, you act somewhat suspiciously sometimes . If you want to work alongside me as a fellow comrade, don’t you think it’s necessary to break the walls between us? Why don’t you speak now whatever you’re hiding from me, huh?」
Caria’s expression was daunting . No wonder that our faces were so close to one another . She made this move so that I wouldn’t move my gaze away from hers . She grinned with that demonic expression on her face as if she intentionally pushed her comrade into a corner of hell