It was sheer luck that he'd happened on Dee and me at just the right time. I don't know what would've happened if he hadn't.
I put the shirt in the box.
It's okay that he hates me. He's an overbearing know-it-all who only wanted to find out things about my father. He never cared about me.
I grabbed a pair of jeans and folded them.
That kiss meant nothing, nothing at all. I'm fine.
I stuffed the jeans next to the shirt.
I don't need some arrogant, underhanded boyfriend.
I remembered Sal saying, A boyfriend, huh? I closed my eyes. I could feel his closeness, smell his scent, see his eyes ...
I piled two more shirts and another pair of jeans on top of the others.
I called Sandy. She was at a party-I could hear music and people in the background-we didn't talk long. Besides, I wasn't going to tell her about Sal anyway.
"I'll call you when I'm on the express tomorrow," she yelled through her PAV.
I couldn't wait to see her. I liked Wei a lot, but I longed for the comfort of my best girlfriend, which I hoped she still was. Even if we never ever talked about Sal, just being around her would make me feel so much closer to normal. Closer to the way I'd been before my life had been turned upside down.
Maybe, I thought, she wouldn't get chosen for FeLS. If I got into the Art Institute, I might be able to get a tiny apartment. Sandy could come stay with me whenever she wanted. The daydream was nice, but reality took over.
I could not forget that someone, most likely Ed, had broken in looking for something. But on further reflection, he couldn't possibly know about the book. The only people in the Infinity machine room when Ginnie'd told me were me and her.
I pushed the rest of my clothes on the floor and plopped into the middle of the borrowed inflato-mat. All kinds of awful thoughts started crowding into my brain, making me crazy. I got up and went into the living room. Pops was asleep in his chair and Gran was reading.
"I'm going out," I said.
"Where?" Gran asked. "It's late."
"Just outside. I need some air." I could tell she was concerned. "Look, I'll be fine. I'll be just outside the lobby. What can happen there? I won't be long, I promise." Before she could protest, I had my coat on and was out the door.
I didn't stay right outside the building. I went down to the river, ending up at the oasis where Sal and I had argued. Plopping down on the bench, I stared out at the black waves slapping up against the pilings. I knew this wasn't smart, but I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to think for a little bit. Everything felt off to me. I realized suddenly that I hadn't sketched or drawn anything since Ginnie died. Ginnie. The river looked ominous and cold. I wondered how my father could possibly have survived falling into it. And if he had, like Ginnie'd said- The sounds of people coming my way snapped me back to the present. I shrank into the corner of the bench, out of the direct glow of a nearby streetlamp. The circle of light fell on two homeless women walking down the path. I couldn't make out what the older of the two was saying, but there was something about the younger one that seemed familiar. They stopped for a moment and the covering over the younger one's head slipped down. I gasped. "Joan?"
"Who's there?" The girl clutched the arm of her companion.
I leaped off the bench and ran over to the women. "Joan, it's Nina." I started to touch her, but she pulled back.
"Do I know you?" She cowered behind the other woman.
"I'm Mike's friend ... Nina. Remember?"
"Mike? Who's Mike?" She turned to the woman. "Do I know Mike?" Her voice began to tremble. "He's not going to come for me, is he?" She grabbed my arm and terror spread across her face.
"Mike's your brother. He's not coming for you. He doesn't know where you are. Neither does your mother. You should let them know-"
The woman grabbed me, pulling me close. I could smell the stench of garbage on her. "Sometimes she don't remember nothing except what those FeLS trainers did to her. It would be best if you don't remember seeing her here."
With that warning, she shoved me backward, threw a protective arm around Joan, and the two of them melted into the shadows.
XXVI.
Thank goodness the next morning was Saturday, because I'd barely slept the night before. All I'd thought about was Joan. I couldn't forget that look of fear on her face. I still hadn't decided if I should tell Mike I'd seen her. Or if I should, like that woman had said, forget all about it.
I needed to put everything out of my mind, once and for all. After breakfast, I packed up my art tote and took Dee to her friend Maddie's, making them promise to stay inside. Which was easy considering the temperature had dipped into the thirties and it was threatening a dreary mix of rain and snow. Coat collar up, I braced myself against the wind, waiting for the number 56.
While I waited, a trannie with a couple of guys inside stopped at the light. "Want a ride, babe? Two for the price of one." I could see their XVIIIs.
I slid my coat sleeve up, showing my bare wrist.
"We won't tell." The guy doing the talking grinned.
The trans pulled up behind them and I hurried on. What was I going to do when I had my tattoo? It wasn't going to be easy turning down guys who thought the tattoo was a free pass. And I wasn't some martial arts expert like Wei. Maybe she'd teach me some moves for real.
When I got to the Art Institute I went straight for the Twenty-first Century Postwars exhibit. I took out my paper and rapidos and spent the entire day sketching. Several people stopped to look over my shoulder at my efforts. It didn't bother me; I was used to it.
"Nice," one lady said.
"Are you a Creative?" a man asked.
"I will be," I said. Would I? I hoped so. Ginnie had worked so long and hard for me to have this chance.
"Take this." He handed me a card. "When you get your designation, come and see me. I could use a bit of help."
When he left, I read his card.
MARTIN LONG, CURATOR TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY ART COLLECTION ART INSTITUTE, CHICAGO.
That's what it said. What I read between the lines was "hope."
After dinner, I helped Gran clear the table. On the way to pick up Dee from Maddie's, I'd listened to verts; their mindless chatter helped to pull me from the world inside my head back into reality. A particular one about dressing for that "someone special" stuck in my mind. It had made me question my usual jeans and T-shirt. And I wondered about Sal. Yes, I knew he hated me, but still ... that girl in the hallway, the one who'd tucked something in his pocket (and draped herself all over him)-she obviously didn't shop Mega or Sale. She was ultrachic. Was she the kind of girl he really liked? I knew I didn't stand a chance against someone like her.
I shook my head. Why was I obsessing about this? I didn't stand a chance with him anyway. I didn't want to stand a chance with him ... did I? But if I looked different, maybe he'd notice, and then be sorry that he wasn't with me. I kicked the sidewalk. Damn Sal Davis anyway.
When I got home, I asked Gran, "Did you ever dress up or fix your hair special because you wanted Pops to notice you?"
She smiled at me over her glasses. "Someone you want to impress?"
"No." I doubt she believed me. I hardly believed me.
"One time I was going to a party where I knew your grandfather would be. I wanted to get his attention, so I decided to get all dolled up. One of my girlfriends came over and we spent the entire day getting me coiffed, polished, and stuffed into clothes I'd normally never dreamed of wearing."
"Did it work? Did he notice you?"
"Oh, he noticed me all right." Gran laughed. "He walked over to me and said, 'Edith, you look like you fell into a bucket of paint, face-first, and stuck your finger in an electro socket gettin' out of it.'
"I was so embarrassed, I ran out crying. He was right behind me, braying like a donkey. He finally caught me and asked what I'd done to myself. He said I was the prettiest girl he knew-no matter what I did with my hair or what I put on my face. But that he liked me best natural-like I always was."
She started loading the dishes into the sterilizer. "I went home that night, washed the gunk off my face, shampooed the curl out of my hair, and got rid of those clothes. I never tried to change myself to impress anyone again."
I couldn't imagine Gran being any way except how she'd always been. She'd confirmed what I'd suspected all along. When two people liked each other, it wasn't about clothes or makeup or hairdos.
"You're going out tonight?" Gran said.
"I'm meeting everyone at Soma."
"Can't they come here, and pick you up?"
"I'll be fine, Gran. The trans picks us up right out front and Soma's at North and Wells. One well-lit block from the trans stop. Please don't worry about me. I'm always careful." It wasn't me I was worried about anyway; Dee was the one in danger.
"It's not your carefulness, it's other people's carelessness that worries me."
"Well, don't." I kissed her cheek and went down the hall to get ready.
I left for Soma, dressed in my usual T-shirt and jeans. Sandy'd called from the express and I gave her directions, telling her I'd meet her there. When the trans neared North Avenue, I didn't get off like I should've. Instead, I rode up to the stop by Robin's Roost. When I got off the trans, I crossed the street and stood in front of the building. I conjured up the image of how it had looked in the photograph of my dad and Mr. Jenkins. I knew it was silly, but something about this place made me feel close to my father ... and to Ginnie. They had been here often. I bet they'd even stood right where I was standing. Tilting my head back, I looked up toward the roof. Light sleet peppered my face. I wondered if there was a way to get up there. Gran had said it was Ginnie's favorite place.
"I'll find him, Mom. I promise," I whispered up to the sky.
I realized I was running late. At least Soma was just a few blocks down Wells. I hurried around the building and slipped on a patch of ice. I reached for the wall when someone grabbed my shoulders.
"Thanks ..." I looked up-right into Ed's face.
XVII.
"Well, well ..." Ed tightened his grip and put his face close to mine, the smell of tobacco and garlic and his aftershave almost gagged me. I tried to wrench myself free, but he had a secure hold.
"What are you doing here?" I glanced around, hoping someone would come down the street, but it was empty.
"Looking for you. I want to talk about Ginnie."
"What about her" I tried jerking free again. "You didn't call or come over after she was killed. Why the sudden interest now?"
Ed laughed, and I could feel the blood rushing to my face. "She's the mother of my child," he said. "Maybe she left something for me. Maybe you found it. Maybe I want it-now." He shoved me against the wall, hard, but didn't let go of my arm.
The streetlight shone on his face and I recognized the look in his eyes-the same one he'd get before Ginnie'd send Dee and me to Sandy's. Instinct took over and I rammed my knee up between his legs. He yelped and loosened his grip enough for me to struggle free. I took off like a veljet. He lunged at me, catching the pocket of my coat. It ripped as I kept on running, narrowly avoiding crashing into a couple of guys as they exited an apartment. Ed wasn't so lucky. I heard the collision and the ensuing curses and accusations, which grew fainter as I raced up the street.
Instead of going straight down Wells, I ducked into an alley that cut through to Clark. Slipping and sliding on the sleet-slick pavement, I somehow managed to get out the other side. Racing to North and Wells, I didn't stop until I was inside Soma.
Bent over, hands on my knees, my lungs screamed for air. I saw Wei about the time she saw me.
She rushed over. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"Bathroom," I gasped.
We went down a narrow hallway and through a door marked "FEMS."
"Are you all right?"
Still breathless, I pointed at the door, making a locking motion.
She secured it. "Nina, what on earth's happened?"
"Ed." I gasped for air.
"What about him? Dee's okay, isn't she?"
I finally managed to fill my lungs. Exhaling, I collapsed onto the stool in one of the stalls. "She's fine. I was coming here ... and I ran right into him ... got away ..."
"Did he follow you?"
I shook my head. "I dodged a couple of guys; he wasn't so lucky. I don't think he knows where I went."
"We need to tell the others. Are you sure you're okay? He didn't hurt you?"
"I'm fine." I looked down at my ripped pocket, "My coat, however ..." I flipped the flap of ripped material back and forth.
We both stared at the torn pocket. I started to giggle. After a moment, Wei joined in. Then all my emotions burst out in uncontrollable laughter. I clutched my sides and Wei was rocking back and forth. We didn't stop until someone banged on the door, yelling for us to get out.
As soon as we stepped into the main room, I scanned it for Ed. Wei spotted Sal and Mike. Sal. I didn't realize he was going to be there. I took a breath.
"Forget your good coat?" Mike asked, pointing at my pocket.
I sat down in the chair facing the door, and tried to ignore Sal. "I ran into Ed. Literally."
Sal raised an eyebrow at Wei. "Everything okay?"
"No. Ed attacked her when she was on her way here."
Even in the dim light, I could see Sal's jaw muscles tighten. However, any hope that he might still care about me was dashed when, without even looking at me, he said, "Guess you're okay."
"Yeah, sure I am."
"What happened?" Mike asked.
With only a slight alteration of the truth, I said, "When I got off the trans, I turned the corner onto Wells and there he was." I recounted the details and concluded, "That's it." I didn't say why I was on that particular corner in the first place.
Then all the what-ifs started racing through my mind: What if I hadn't caught him off guard, what if I hadn't kneed him as hard as I did, what if- "I wonder why he followed you?" Wei asked.
"Yeah. You're not his daughter," Mike said.
"I don't know." I really didn't want to start dissecting things now. Soma wasn't the place to be telling my secrets.
"Did your mother leave you anything valuable?" Wei said. "Maybe he gave her something and wants it back."
Startled, I stared at her. It was as if Wei knew, but she couldn't possibly.