Neilson
28 James, Seriously.
I survived the tea, but I could not stand watching the Duke flirt with Isabel any longer, so I invited James to take a walk with me in the garden. I did not turn to look at Henry as we left, but I knew he was absorbed in Isabel. I went down the terrace with James and hurried into the hedge maze with James.
‘Do you like Henry, Julia?’ James, who had been silently following me, asked suddenly. He smoothed his light brown hair that had been disarrayed in the breeze with one hand, and put his thumb in his trouser pocket. Before his restless eyes, my aggrieved mind relaxed unexpectedly.
‘Hnn…James is really easy to understand.’
‘I am easy to understand? This is the first time you’ve ever said such a thing.’
‘Yes, you’re very intelligent and calculative. You give the air of a light-hearted frivolous gentleman, but really are a fast thinker with considerable knowledge. You can use a sword, but haven’t held one for years. I am sure you’re still able to defend yourself. I think the reason you are hanging around me is because you want to rumble about society, isn’t that so?’ (Zuben: Way to divert the question, Julia. Bravo!)
‘Why would I do such a thing?’
‘You’re putting on the air of an idiot prince who is chasing a poor woman, because you don’t want to be dragged into the competition for the throne between your elder brothers. Or is it that you have been asked already and you’re trying to evade?’
He sighed and gave a smile.
‘Dear Julia. Yes, both sides invited me to join then, but I have no mind to support either of them. The reason is there is a woman who I sincerely love in this country. Clever Julia, here is a question: What happened with Henry yesterday?’
He leaned over me watching my expression. I tried to steel myself so he didn’t read me, but it looked like it was too late. James smiled as he put his arms around me and pushed me into the hedge. The trimmed branches poked my back and hurt.
‘So something did happen? Did you two do it by any chance? Henry would have been very skilful because he puts his all in everything he does. It’s the first time I have seen him so happy. I wonder if it felt good for him inside Julia. Can I test it?’
I was shocked at the drastic change from James’ usual gentlemanly behaviour. He was suddenly using obnoxious words; I did not know what to do. I was confused.
‘Not at all, I did nothing like that with the Duke. This is a misunderstanding!’ (Zuben: Well, not exactly…) As I hurriedly denied it, James drew nearer till our foreheads were touching. I could not look directly in his eyes, so I turned away. His breath tickled my ear as the breeze tickled the braches and made them rustle. It was impossible to think calmly,
‘But you have a love bite on your neck. Who did it?’
Damn it, did Marius leave a hickey?! How far did this horrible man want to take me down?! The worst man! (Zuben: It was a mutual satisfaction situation, stop pretending you were under duress)
I tried to cover my neck with my hand, but I heard James chuckle evilly as he grabbed my hand and hot pain seared the crook of my neck. It didn’t take long to recognise James’ lips on my skin, like a vampire, he bit my neck and placed a hot kiss on the bite.
‘Ouch James! Stop it!’ I tried to push James off me, but he did not budge. He raised his head from my shoulder and looked at me cold piercing eyes,
‘I am very worried about what is going on between you and Henry. I don’t want to see you get hurt by trusting him. Yet, still I like you a lot.’
‘There isn’t…n!’ Before I could formulate a response, James forcibly kissed me. He pushed his thigh between my legs and pressed my body against the hedge. I couldn’t resist him. He pressed his lips against mine over and over.
I didn’t want this to continue, I kept my mouth as tightly closed as possible, but James’ finger pushed into my mouth and pulled my jaw open. His soft hot tongue soon followed. I felt saliva running from my mouth but I could do nothing about it. James was pouring saliva with his kisses.
No! I could not let this continue. I will be had by James if I should let it continue on.
I bit him. James let out a sharp shout and released my lips. He looked at his finger and sighed, my tooth marks stood out in relief as blood began to ooze out of the cuts. The bleeding was emphasised because his finger was wet with saliva.
James narrowed his eyes as he said, ‘Julia, you’re a disobedient child. I do not like children who disobey me.’ And he licked the blood from his fingers. I did not miss the crazed light in his eyes.
I glared at him in return, ‘Even if you say such a thing, I do not find you scary at all. I am not going to be at your mercy. I am not in a relationship with the Duke, but I am not going to be in a relationship with you either. I need a good man who can inherit the Viscount title, so I can’t continue to play with you.’
‘Yes…yes. That is a problem. But I think I want you more than I thought, Julia. Can’t I be the one to inherit? I’ll give you happiness and drown you with love for the rest of your life.’ (Zuben: I will smother you with the pillow of my love)
James spoke in his usual gentle frivolous tone but there was something wrong. I noticed his discomfort and looked closer, had his hands clenched into fists the whole time. I realised his nails were digging into his palms and blood was oozing. (Zuben: What a drama queen. But come, how do these characters always seem to dig their own nails into their palms. Whenever I try it, my nails just bend, my palms be tough)
‘James! What are you doing to yourself?’ I cried.
I grabbed his hand and forced him to open up. The blood oozed as I looked and ran down his hand. I quickly plucked my handkerchief out and tried to stop the bleeding.
‘It’s alright James, the bleeding will stop soon.’ I said trying to soothe him. (Zuben: He did it to himself, he did)
I saw to the bleeding and looked up at James. He had gone pale and looked down at me with sad eyes. Suddenly his cold body was falling over me. I could not hold him up with my strength alone so we collapsed to the ground.
‘James!’
🂬
29 James’ Awareness(Zuben: Everyone seems to be aware except for the main character)
I suddenly found myself in a difficult situation. Luckily, the lead gardener’s son passed by and I was able to call for help. He got the footmen, and they helped carry James back into the house to a guest room. We called a doctor, who came quite quickly to look at James. He declared aside from the wounds in his hands, he was alright. The cause for the collapse was fatigue.
I sent a foot man to search for Henry and Isabel to inform them of what happened to James, but they were not to be found. I suppose they were in the romantic gazebo deep in the garden by now and they were probably busy doing bad things (Zuben: It wasn’t a bad thing when you were doing it) It seems that when the Duke said he could only be aroused by me, it was a lie. It must be a technique he used to catch women. It was a pity I was nearly captured by such a man.
A pain seared inside my chest.
‘Julia…’
‘James, are you awake?’
He opened his eyes and looked about in surprise. He was in the Bourbon guest suite for their most distinguished guests.
‘What happened, Julia? I remember walking in the garden with you…but nothing else.’ (Zuben: How convenient)
I saw confusion in the usually confident blue-green eyes. I wonder if he had truly forgotten that he had forcibly kissed me. It looked as though he was truly tired. I suppose I would not be able understand the pressure he was under as the third Prince of Basseterre staying in a country that was not his own.
‘We’re in one of the Earl’s guestrooms. You suddenly collapsed while we were walking in the garden. The doctor said it was fatigue.’
James sat up and then looked down at his hand. My hand was held in his. I had been hoping he would wake up soon. I wriggled my toes – it was very likely I would not make it in time.
‘Were you with me all the while…?’
‘Even when I tried to let go, you would not let me go. I wonder if you would release me now. I can’t take it anymore…’
James looked away from me with an expression of distress and said, ‘Julia…I have been terrible to you...’
Cold sweat seeped out of my forehead, ‘Let me go this instant. Any longer and I will not be able to make it to the bathroom!’ I shouted loudly. I could not stand holding it for much more.
James understood and released my hand from his tightly clench one. I rushed to the bathroom. Sure, I should be more dignified about it as a lady, but compared to not making it in time, it would be better to lose a little face.
I relieved myself and washed up. I returned to the room. James was out of bed, dressed and waiting for me.
‘Are you alright?’ I asked.
He turned to me with a gentle expression.
‘Yes. I am sorry I was holding your hand so tightly; I had been having a bad dream. Fearful things were chasing me in the dark.’ (Zuben: Please feel sorry for me and love me)
‘Oh dear, that sounds like a horrible dream. But James, maybe you’re very stressed out because you have been trying so hard to pretend everything was alright. Now you have reached your limit and your head was about to explode.’ (Zuben: Such a delicate constitution he has)
I went up to him and held his hands. He looked at me strangely, as though I was talking gibberish, but I pulled him with me and I continued,
‘I will show you away to relieve your stress, dear Prince.’
I dragged put his arm through mine like a Prince escorting a Princess, and gave him a smile. We left the room, went down the corridor and grand staircase, and out of the house. We went deep into the garden past all the cultivated land into a wild park land. James looked about uneasily as I stepped without hesitation over the tree roots and rocks.
‘Julia, how do know your way around? Would you know the way back?’ he asked.
‘Don’t worry,’ I said, ‘Hermiata has lost of wild forest such as this, so I know my way around. I have been here many times. We won’t get lost. Anyway, here we are.’
I referred to a clearing in the forest. There were tall trees around letting little sunlight through. The earth in the clearing had holes in it, looking like moles had destroyed the pristine earth; it was rather unsightly.
I let go of James and walked up to a tree and stuck my hand into a hollow in the tree, ‘It should be in here…’
I pulled out a small garden trowel. James eyes became dots. I pulled up the hem of my dress and found a clear place to kneel and began to dig into the earth with the trowel. When I dug a hole to my satisfaction, I turned and smiled at James who was watching me in amazement,
‘Right, so watch this, James.’ I said.
I took a deep breath, and bent over the hole. With my exhalation I let out my anger and grievances, and shouted ‘You idiot Duke! Lying about not being able to sleep with other woman! Go ahead and marry Isabel and be exploited for the rest of your life!’ (Zuben: 1. You’re an idiot. 2. Didn’t you tell James there was nothing between you and the Duke?)
When I finished and put seeds into the hole and covered it with the dug up earth. I turned to James and handed him the trowel. He silently received it with trembling hands. At first he looked about in a confused manner but he soon found space and began to dig gently. But he as he got into it, he became faster; soon, his hole was bigger than anyone I have dug. He put aside the trowel and bent over his hole, and shouted, ‘I am not a tool for your political machinations. I am not a tool to be used just for your convenience! That kind of country needs to perish! I hope your internal organs get eaten by maggots and you die miserably! Miserable!’
James got so excited he dug many holes and shouted lots. It looked as though he had accumulated a lot of stress. After he was done, he gave a happy tired sigh and began to try to fill his holes but I stopped him. This was a stress dissipation method I devised, it was not finished yet. I handed him a pouch,
‘James, put these seeds in. It will be perfect now.’
I helped him put the seeds in and we filled the holes back. The evidence was a mounds of soil dotted about the place.
‘These are strawberry seeds. They should grow well in the soil here. By next spring, we should be able to enjoy picking strawberries. This is our anger and grievance; they will be purified and become something new and good. And the fruit will feed the birds in this forest.’
‘But Julia, you’ve only been in the city a month but there are lots of mounds.’ James said looking around him. There were about twenty holes.
‘Can you imagine what Isabel’s attitude towards me was because you visited so often? She was mean, mocking, just plain despicable! Not only to me, but to Hannah as well. That’s why I have been coming here almost everyday for the last two weeks.’
James burst out laughing, ‘You can’t be serious, almost every day?!’
‘My father and Hannah don’t know about it so, keep it secret. I have been using this method to relieve my stress since I was seven. My backyard at home became a strawberry field. I make jam with the fruit – it’s very delicious.’
James laughed even harder.
Author’s note: Finally James’ realises he love for Julia, but his love is very heavy and paranoid. But he has Julia on his mind. But the Duke is a formidable opponent!
🂼
30 James’ feelingsJames held his stomach and laughed. He laughed so hard and so long, I was beginning to get annoyed with him. I had just taught him my biggest secret – what kind of attitude was this!
James noticed I was getting angry and wiped away his tears of mirth. He looked at me and continued to chuckle, but his expression was back to his usual mischievous self, but unlike before, it was very natural and likable. Maybe this was James’ true self.
‘You’re very funny, Julia. I can see why Henry is attracted to you.’ (Zuben: it’s not because she’s funny)
Suddenly reminded of the Duke, I remembered that he and Isabel were somewhere in the house doing god know what. My bad mood returned and I yelled, ‘Don’t talk about the Duke. I was an idiot for trusting such a man!’
‘That is correct.’ James replied his expression suddenly serious, ‘Let go of Henry and marry me. Of course, there is the issue of succession of Hermiata Viscount title, but I am willing to take it on. And we can give birth to sons, so it would solve the problem of continuity, wouldn’t it? I am willing to cooperate with you in that.’ (Zuben: Like it is easy to pop out sons)
He took my hand and gazed into my eyes. He looked like he was very serious. The way he was now, he would not lie. I could not look away from him.
‘But James…’
If he really liked me, it might be good to accept his suit. Yet, I could not say he was the best candidate for a fiancé, he was quite the schemer. But I did not doubt that he would take on the mantle of Viscount Hermiata. If I hadn’t met Henry Magnaria, I would have answered yes without hesitation. Now, I am at a loss on how to answer.
After being toyed with by that playboy duke, the envisioned future with James by my side did not seem bad. He even wanted to marry me knowing my personality.
‘Henry is useless, he is not dependable. His manhood doesn’t work. He has been alive for twenty nine years and has never been aroused by a woman. He has a deep distrust of the female sex.’ (Zuben: Hmmm, I don’t think that statement will swing things in your favour James)
‘Huh? Hold on a moment. That…’
A gust of wind blew, the fluttering of leaves filled the quiet forest. My hair and purple dress got swept in the wind’s wake as fallen leaves blew around us. As the leaves shook, the pattern of sunlight changed around us. (Zuben: The Japanese wind of realisation. How long will it last…?)
James brought my hand to his lips and kissed it. He looked at me with heated eyes, but at this moment, it wasn’t James’ proposal but the Duke’s matter running in my head.
Did…did the Duke really not have lovers? But I have seen him get erect with my own eyes time and time again.
‘He does not even comfort himself because he barely gets erect either. Even if you marry Henry, you will not be able to have a child. In such a case, the Hermiata title will revert to the crown. Is that what you want?’
So had Henry really been telling the truth? Did he only react to me?
Listening to James, I found that my heart that had been dyed in jealousy was now refreshingly clear like the sky after rain. The Duke had not been lying. Yesterday, and before that, from the moment we met at the Royal ball, Henry’s had always been incredibly big. It seemed he had shown me a truly special thing.
‘Henry…’ I sighed his name in spite of myself.
Suddenly, James’ expression changed into a scary one. He grasped my hand tightly and pulled me to him.
‘Julia, Henry is useless. I have only you. I’ll give you everything Henry cannot. I promise, you will never regret it! And you will save me from the darkness. You will hold my hands and help me out of the darkness!’ (Zuben:hmmmm)
He held me so tightly against his chest, it was painful. I could not breathe properly, so I tried to tap him lightly so he could let me go
‘James…it’s too tight…’
‘Julia, don’t refuse me. I want you to accept me as I am.’
Just as I thought he was letting me go, because he held me away from him, he suddenly pulled me back and kicked up a storm of kissing. My head went pure white in the moment. I could not escape because he held my neck fast. He kissed me deeply over and over, exchanging saliva, making harsh sounds.
I wanted to refuse but my lips were occupied I could not mount a protest. James hand slid up my waist and came to my bust. He was seriously trying to get me. If I did not do something, I may be forced like last time.
‘James…stop…’
Since I kept resisting, James pulled away a little, ‘Julia…I love you. You’re the only one who understands me. I want to make you mine alone!’
The usual light-heartedness was gone from his eyes; it looked like he had been possessed. I had never seen him this way before; I could not hide my surprise. He had a look of helpless desperation tinged with madness. I was afraid. James looked at me as though his soul was being torn apart.
My chest hurt, but this was not the right thing.
‘James, I like Henry. I’m sorry but I’m not the only one who understands you, Henry cares for you…’
‘Stop it! I do not want to hear his name from your lips. He abandoned me!’
Before I could reply, James returned to kissing me. Unlike the intensity before, this was a gentle kiss. Our lips touched and exchanged heat. When we stopped for air, James licked my lips with his tongue like he did not want to let go of the taste.
I felt James’ hot breath on my skin and somehow started to feel good. I began to drown in his sweet kiss, but I managed to regain calmness to pull away,
‘James,’ I said between pants, ‘we should not do this…’
But something changed in James and he embraced me even tighter.
‘What’s wrong, James?’
‘Quiet, Julia!’
Index 🃜