45 To the Royal Castle:
In a flurry, the servants packed as I got ready for another journey back to the capital. We waited in one of our sitting rooms for the royal carriage to arrive. Although our house was poor, the rooms of the manor were very large. I sat on a long bench that barely took up room.
Since I was going to the castle to see the Queen, James would be accompanying me. In addition, we would announce our engagement. I was relieved to hear he was coming with me, because I would be too anxious to meet the Queen by myself.
‘But why would the Queen want to see me?’ I asked James as we waited, ‘Do you think she is against the marriage? I mean, a poor noble marrying a prince; she might be thinking it is inappropriate.’
‘It could not be that, Queen Eleanor was delighted when I informed her I wanted to marry you.’ James replied soothingly, ‘Although I want everyone to know we are getting married, I was hoping to enjoy more quiet times with you.’
He put his head on my shoulder then nuzzled me sweetly. Since I accepted his proposal, he had intensified his closeness each passing day. He behaved like a spoiled child so it wasn’t too bad. But the warm gaze of the servants was a bit uncomfortable. I just had to keep reminding myself that to be with him I had to endure such embarrassment. Looking at James’ satisfied face, it was strange I was so accepting.
‘Do you think she wants me to return the white dress the Duke loaned me?’ I asked after a short silence.
‘No. While the dress is expensive, I don’t believe the Queen is attached to it at all. There is no way she wants it returned.’
‘Is that so…?’ I replied as I ruffled his soft maroon coloured hair. James sat up, lifted me and placed me upon his lap.
‘James! What are you doing?’
‘The bench is hard; I don’t want your bottom to hurt. And this way, I can feel you closely. We won’t be able to do this at the castle; just say you’re unwell and refuse to go. We can remain here and I can hug you like this forever.’ He said as he nuzzled my hair, it felt pleasant.
‘I am not declining the Queen’s invitation; it will be the first time for me to meet Queen Eleanor! I wasn’t able to meet her at the royal ball.’
‘I’m also a royal prince, though. But you’ve never seen me as a prince.’
That was true. From the first moment we met, I was more wary of his insidious and cunning smiles that flashed behind his frivolous demeanour. I only saw him as a watchful person rather than a prince. After that, he wanted things he couldn’t have, and I could only see him as a child that was in danger of shattering. I did not forget he was a Prince, it just was not sacred.
‘Thank you James, the Queen is simply a human being. It would be rude to be needlessly afraid. But really James, you can’t behave like this in public. The seat is cushioned.’
‘That isn’t what I meant but I am being your cushion. If I could, I will be your dress; that way we could always be together.’ (Zuben: Leaving the living furniture implications aside, she isn’t going to wear one dress all-day every day. Although, James could be a convenient seat for her where ever she goes)
He moved from my hair to my neck and began to kiss me there. The sensation of his soft lips and hot breath made me feel strange.
‘I will have to wash you and hang you out to dry when you get dirty. You can’t come in until you dry.’ I said with a giggle, ‘James, that’s ticklish.’
‘What a brilliant idea; it would be fun to be naked and washed by Julia. Let’s try it sometime.’ He replied hotly against my neck. (Zuben: Y’all could have tried it that night, not so long ago, but this is not that kind of book orz)
I leapt off James’ lap just as one of the maids came to inform us that the carriage had arrived. I wondered how the conversation went so side-tracked as we left the room. Anyway, it wasn’t good for us to be seen holding each other so much, I am more than embarrassed.
My parents and servants saw us off as we got on the royal carriage. The carriage was luxurious and escorted by royal guard. Unlike the stage coach, there was very little shaking and the horses went quite fast. On the sides, the Bosch Royal emblem was emblazoned allowing us priority where ever we went. The interior was crafted and decorated to exquisite detail. I could only admire the beauty. Sitting in such lovely surroundings excited me. James gave me as fond smile as he watched my giddy expression.
In truth, I found James’ affection for me overpowering. He was always looking at me. I could see he was moved by my words and actions. It looked like the attachment and love he had for the Duke had been transferred to me.
‘James, how do you feel about the Duke Magnaria?’ I asked. I had been thinking about this, and now was a good opportunity to understand more.
James was sitting on the other side of the carriage; he reached over and grabbed my hand as he asked, ‘Are you jealous, Julia? I am so happy; you’re the first person who had ever been jealous for me. Do you want to know my feelings for Henry?’
His grip on my hand tightened as he stared straight at me. My heart was ringing as he said, ‘Henry is the one and only important person in my life. I want Henry to only look at me for the rest of our lives. Actually…it is the same way I feel about you.’
‘Oh? Do you like his Grace in that sense too?’
‘I love him, but not in that way. But if it was necessary to do that to keep him by my side, I would, but I didn’t have that option because Henry’s didn’t function. But you’re a woman, so I’m glad I have nothing to worry about.’ He said with a grin.
I smiled in return even though I thought his reply was a bit disturbing.
‘I love Henry, and I love Julia as well. It is impossible to have Henry all to me, but you’re different. At first, my purpose was to observe the woman Henry was interested in so I never expected to fall in love like this.’
Watching James talk so naturally, I laughed and said, ‘You’re really simple and cute.’
‘After saying such things, I don’t understand why you would laugh and call me cute, but I like that too. If I had Henry and you by my side, I have need for nothing more.’ He said wistfully, tearful even though he was smiling.
James had been starved of his parents’ love since he was a child. Even though he looked for it, it was never given to him. So the idea of parental love became twisted. (Zuben: To anyone who gives him attention)
I pulled James to me as I slid to the end of the seat. I made him lay down his head on my lap and gently patted his head. James was very tall so even in the expansive royal carriage he was a bit cramped in this position. But he would have to bear with it.
‘You’ve been a good boy,’ I said softly, ‘it’s alright. You’re also important to the Duke. Think about it; he shouldn’t be able to be a spy as Duke. His choice must have been opposed by all those around him. But he chose to do so for you; to protect you from political machinations. I care for you a lot to the extent that I thought it was okay for me to lose my hands.’
‘Julia, I can hear something…oh…I hear the sounds of your stomach…oh…this feels nice.’
‘That’s the bread I ate for lunch. Just close your eyes.’
I gently stroked his head for time and then I said, ‘James, I cannot marry you. Let’s cancel this engagement.’
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46 Julia's Thoughts:
‘Why do you say that?’ James looked up at me in astonishment.
‘My thought is that, your feelings for me and the Duke are originally intended for your parents. You want a love that is free of judgment, and my feelings for you are far from those of a lover. I want to take care of you and spoil you, like a mother thinks of a child.’ (Zuben: boy, she can be so conceited)
‘No, it’s nothing like that,’ he protested, ‘I don’t agree.’
He clung to my waist; he looked like a child kneading his mother and he looked adorable. He didn’t behave like a grown man of twenty four.
‘James, I can’t marry you, but we can still be friends; close friends. Sometimes, I can hold your hand to help you sleep, or we can dig holes in the backyard together, but we cannot marry. You can’t marry your mother, can you?’
‘I don’t see you as my mother! I love you.’
‘James, I love Henry. Even if he married Lady Isabel, I love him. I have no choice but to wait until this feeling fades-’
James shot up and pushed me over into the seat. He had both hands on my shoulders. Looking up at him, I saw tears in his eyes. The tears fell and wet my cheeks.
‘I do not want this! I will take you here and now. Would you still define our relationship as mother and son after that?’ James said vehemently as he tried to take off my clothes.
I did not try to stop him but stared at him gravely, ‘Even if that happens, I would not love you that way. I will treat you as my best friend for the rest of our lives. James, even if you are abandoned by the whole world, I will always be by your side - I promise.’
We stared at each other; I saw no light of madness in his eyes. He had been searching for love for a long time. I reached up and stroked his cheek.
‘You’re my precious friend,’ I said, ‘don’t make me kneel in cow dung and beg forgiveness.’
James laughed through his tears,
‘Don’t worry; I won’t cause your family to wander the streets. But I’m sure you already have an escape route, don’t you, Julia? I will let you go.’
‘Thank you, James. I love you.’
‘I love you too, Julia.’ (Zuben: Easy peasy contrivey, conveniently)
We stayed that way for a while, staring at each other. The repetitive sound of the carriage wheel filled the silence as we travelled on. It was like the sound of the heart...and for a moment it felt like we were in our mother’s womb. (Zuben: Carriage womb. Carriage mommy. What kind of horse on road sounds like a heartbeat?)
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We spent the night at the residence of a rich noble arranged by the royal retinue. The next day, we were speedily on our way back to the capital. It took a day and a half to reach the city from Hermiata. Though, I had seen it three months ago, my heart still leapt that the sight of the grandeur and beauty of the royal castle.
When we arrived, I was taken to the suite I would be staying in while I was in the castle. Shortly after, the Queen’s chamberlain came to inform me that I would be dining with the King and Queen at supper. I was so thankful that James came with me, or I would have died of nervousness. James had his own residence in the East Palace, a little away from the Royal Palace, so he returned there and was joining us for dinner.
In addition to the maid that came with me from Hermiata, I was provided with three other maids, and was totally spoilt. Before dinner, I was bathed and massaged with rose oils then I took a long nap.
For dinner, I was dressed in a yellow evening gown and my hair was put up and decorated with fresh flowers. By the time they were done with me, it looked like a different person in the mirror.
During the meal, the King asked about my future with James, but I didn’t know how to explain. James laughed at my silence before he informed the King and Queen that I had declined his proposal. The discussion moved on, and James and his Majesty had pleasant conversation. Perhaps, this visit was only about interest in James’ chosen fiancée.
After dinner, Queen Eleanor who had not spoken much during the meal, informed me she would like to speak to me, separately. I could not imagine what she wanted to speak to me about. I could only think it was about the dress, which had been carefully cleaned and packed and brought with me. It was safe to return it at any moment.
I tried to keep calm as the Queen’s chamberlain quietly guided me to a small tasteful room where the Queen was waiting. She smiled gently as I entered. Offered me a seat and the servants withdrew.
Despite her age, she was in her late forties, Queen Eleanor had a youthful face, and her lovely silver hair shone. She had a mild smile on her face as she said, ‘You were one of the women invited to the ball for Henry’s bride. But I am concerned that you were not only trying to capture Henry but James as well. Despite it all, Henry was taken with you.’
I quickly tried to correct the misunderstanding,
‘Your Majesty, that is not the case. I wasn’t chosen by Duke Magnaria. And I heard that the Duke was marrying Lady Isabel.’
The Duke chose to marry Isabel; things with me were just for fun.
‘Lady Isabel? Oh...that clever little madam of the Bourbon? Her father has admitted that it was all a deception. It is impossible for Henry to attack a woman in the first place. Did you believe all that, Julia?’ (Zuben: Yes, cos she’s a first class moron)
I stiffened in surprise at what the Queen had said. A cold sensation washed over me.
‘Bu-but…’
‘I don’t know about the rumours out there, but Henry, unbelievably, had never kissed anyone till he was twenty nine. His butler came to see me to tell me that, although my nephew looks normal on a day to day, he barely sleeps at night and all he does is call your name over and over again. I am very worried about my nephew.’
‘But…’
The rumours of his womanising were rampant but to have never kissed anyone?! So that night, that night at the royal ball was the first time he had been kissed?! And it was me! And I forced him to drink my saliva!!
I thought I was going to fall off my perch on the seat from shock, but I managed to keep my body steady.
But now I realised all the weird inconsistencies fit; the hyperventilation syndrome, the nausea he had claimed, was as a result of stress from being near a woman.
‘Henry changed since that night of the party to find his bride. I was delighted to see that there were three women he liked, but it turned out not to be the case. Why didn’t he choose you at the party?’
‘At the time,’ I hesitantly answered, ‘I was not interested in the Duke, so I stood at the back of the line so he didn’t even see my face.’
‘But Julia, Henry seems to love you very deeply. Henry is my cute nephew left in my care by my sister and her husband after they died. Although I think it is wrong to interfere, I was worried that it would all be too late after you went back to Hermiata, and James was going to propose to you. Henry is such a clumsy child, you see.’
I would have never thought that the Duke loved me alone. I wonder why he was never kind to me when if he loved me.
‘But he never told me anything. Whenever we met, he was always offish and cold. I would never have thought he loved me.’
(Zuben: Hey, someone is telling porkies)
‘Henry has always been a handsome person; because of this he has no good memories of women. Maybe, he didn’t know how to deal with it. He is so clumsy; maybe you are his first love.’
‘His first love…?’
‘To me, James is a lovely child, but I could not afford to show him any care because of his position. Do you understand? So it would have been nice if you loved James and chose him. Yet, you turned down his proposal. Why?’
When we last met, the Duke told me he love me and would never let me go, but I...I said awful things to him,
‘I...have said bad things to his Grace…’
I suddenly realised I was crying. Thinking of that night in his bedroom, my heart tightened and the tears began to fall.
‘Oh Julia,’ Queen Eleanor said softly, proffering a handkerchief, ‘I didn’t intend to make you cry. You mean you also love Henry? Such foolish children; fooling each other. This is what it leads to.’
‘I love Duke Magnaria...from the first moment we met…’ I could not hold back my honest feelings because my heart was warmly filling with my love for Henry.
‘Alright, let’s call Henry to the castle in the morning. It is rather late now. It would be best to solve the misunderstanding.’
‘Your Majesty, pardon me, but I would rather go now. Could you kindly call a carriage for me?’
I couldn’t wait another moment, I wanted to see Henry. I wanted to tell him how I felt.
Eleanor laughed, ‘You’re a funny girl. Very well, I will fetch the fastest carriage. However it turns out, do come back.’
I rushed to my room and got a cloak, without any ado, got on the carriage and was off to the Duke’s home. It was not far from the palace, we should be there soon. Though it wasn’t that late, it was still rather late to be visiting.
A carriage with the royal emblem was allowed through the main gate without issue. The butler that met me and Percy the last time came to meet me. He didn’t seem to notice that my hair colour was different.
When I told him my name, he lifted his face and his expression collapsed.
He led me to a drawing room and left to fetch the Duke. I sat in the chair waiting patiently and nervously.
The butler returned and said told me, ‘I’m sorry, Miss Julia. His Grace does not wish to see you.’
‘He said he doesn’t want to see me?’
‘I’m sorry, Miss Julia.’
‘I understand. May I sit here for a bit; I rushed out of the Castle after dinner so I am a little tired.’
The competent butler seemed to get my meaning for he said, ‘That will be fine, ma’am. The door is open.’ and he left.
I waited in the drawing room for a little while before venturing out. I headed to his bedroom. The butler must have cleared the way, for I reached the big doors to his room without encountering anyone.
I took a deep breath and entered. The room was in darkness. There was a shadow of someone sitting on the bed with their back to the door. The moon appeared and cast a long forlorn shadow on the bed.
‘Michael, has Julia left safely?’ He asked.
I silently approached the bed and raised my hand to touch his shoulder, but he grabbed and twisted my hand and flipped me onto the bed and squeezed my neck with his other hand.
I cried out.
‘Julia! You didn’t leave?’
Looking up at him, I could see his was a little gaunt in the light of the moon, but I could not read his expression in the shadows.
‘Why have you come here again? Aren’t you engaged to James? Did you come to ask for my blessing?’ He shouted in anger
He must have thought that was why I came. That was why he didn’t want to see me.
‘Henry, release me! I came to talk to you.’
‘I have nothing more to say to you. I do not want to hear anything from you either.’
‘Alright...then kiss me.’
I still could not see his expression, but I could tell he was surprised because the hands that held me down shook.
‘You don’t want to talk, you don’t want to listen. Then just kiss me.’
I closed my eyes and parted my lips - inviting him. I did not know who long it took, but time flowed slowly. Suddenly I was released and I felt a warm weight on my body and his lips covered mine. All my senses were concentrating on the sensation of his kiss, the pleasure flashed from my head to my toes. Our kiss felt so good, it felt like I was drowning. But I pulled myself together and turned my face.
‘That’s enough. Now move away from me.’
‘I refuse.’ He replied petulantly, remaining on top of me.
‘Henry, get off. I can’t breathe.’
‘Once I get up, you will leave. So I want to kiss you till you go.’ The tone of his voice made my heart sore. I was frustrated by his dishonestly. (Zuben: Oh really?)
‘Alright, let’s sit up first.’
He rose off me slowly pulling me with him. Finally I could see his face in the light of the moon. He looked a little haunted, but he looked at me without avoiding my gaze. His soft golden hair was lit in the moon, and his blue sapphire eyes were deep like the sea.
He looked like he was still in the work clothes. His outer jacket was left on but it was open. The first three buttons were open on his shirt. Looking at his beautiful visage, I could not believe such a gorgeous man loved me and wanted me so much. The desire to know how much was a bur in my head. (Zuben: Julia and her pride)
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