Chapter 70: Terrified (2)
I woke up because of a strange thing. I felt that something's wrong with the air. Cold and thick. It stank like a thick fog with a smoke, smelling from a bonfire. I immediately opened my eyes. And I almost couldn't move around upon seeing what's in front of me. What the fuck? I moved from the tree and stood from the ground. What is this? Smoke? Fog? I turned to one beside me but was surprised when Luna was not in her place. Panic began to spread in my system.
“LUNA!” I called. I looked around. All I saw was smoke or fog. And I knew it’s not normal as fogs weren't this thick inside the forest. “LUNA!” I started walking away from here we slept. “LUNA, WHERE ARE YOU?!”
I suddenly stopped walking when I heard some noise. There were voices. They were talking happily. I furrowed my brows and immediately became alert. I took the dagger hanging on my waist and carefully walked to the source of the noise. Surprisingly, I didn't even feel any danger in that direction even though there seemed to be a number of them. I arrived at a clearing in the forest. The area has vacant space where trees weren't really growing. I swallowed hard when I saw the source of the noise. I almost dropped my dagger. What’s happening? Why are they here?
“Shia!”
I almost pulled back when Luna turned around and called me.
“Come on, we’re waiting for you.”
I watched her smiling face. I then turned to the people next to him. They surrounded a kind of bonfire from where all the smoke earlier was coming from. They're sitting on the cut trunk of the trees and were happily talking. They’re here. Cain, Victoria, and Ethan—with Luna.
“Shia, come on! Sleepy head!” Cain teased her.
I turned towards the one beside him. Victoria. She simply glared at me as if telling me they've waited too long already while Ethan was holding a stick that prodding the stack of logs on the fire. He smiled at me. It was another joke of Cain's; Victoria's frowns and Ethan's smiles. I thought I would never see them again.
“What are you waiting for?” I heard Victoria asked.
I didn't know what my reaction should be. Is this true? They're in front of me. I closed in on them, still uncertain. They're watching me, waiting for me to sit on the place reserved for me. Six logs were surrounding the bonfire. I sat down.
“It's good that you're here,” Ethan said.
I just watched the fire in front of me. I suddenly can't take my eyes off it. The woods crackled and sent tiny specks of glowing embers on thin air as Ethan repeatedly prodded the woods in the fire. It was beautiful. I didn't know fire could be this beautiful.
“How did you find us?” I asked.
Cain smiled. “We're not the one who found you, Shia,” he said. “Captain did.”
Gin? I looked around. “Where is Gin?”
Ethan and Victoria looked at each other. “He's just around, the Captain,” Ethan replied. “If you want, you can follow him. Maybe he's on his way back.” Ethan pointed to the opposite direction where I came from.
I stood up from where I sat. “I'll f-fetch him,” I cannot help stuttering. Just the thought of Gin made my heart pound. I wanted to see him. Just one more time. I wanted to see him.
I turned to the direction they pointed at. The fog or smoke was still thick around. I couldn't see passed anything except the nearby trees and plants. When I was a little bit away from the group, I stopped and looked around again. Hold on. Is this all true?
I heard a rustle which roused me. I quickly turned to the source but I cannot see much because of the thick fog and smoke. But I got a glimpse of the silhouette of a walking man. I blinked hard and felt my breathe hitched up. The man kept walking towards me as if I he also felt my presence. My heartbeat was so loud. But I don't like what I was feeling because it only proved something.
I watched the man in front of me. I felt fragile after only looking at his face. Gin. I was surprised to find tears filling my eyes. I turned away so he could not see it. It was deep longing. I miss him. I goddamn miss him so bad. And I couldn't stop feeling terrified because I knew the day will come that I will never see him again. I squeezed my fists to prevent my feelings overflowing.
He watched me in wonder. He seemed to cannot believe it himself. But his face immediately cleared up when he saw that it was really me, Shia. He faintly smiled. He seemed to have been waiting for this opportunity for a long time. I felt more fragile with his stare. He came closer to me and I stayed where I was standing. When he's finally in front of me, he looked closely on my face. I tried to avoid it because I didn't want him to see how weak he's making me. But he held both sides of my face and turned me to face him.
“Shia.”
I promised that when I see you in the arena, I will keep my decision so you will never be hurt anymore. I have to go back in those times when you're not that important for me yet. But why? Why can I not do it now that you're in front of me?
Gin tried to wipe the tears falling on my cheeks. He leaned over and I felt as our foreheads gently touched. I had to close my eyes.
“You’re here,” he whispered. “You’re finally here.”
It was supposed to be easy. If only I was somebody else in the arena, everything would be easy. I will fight with my group to live and win and then we'll leave together. But no. It was never meant to be easy. I have to deal with it all as fate was playing a fool of me. It wasn't the other group who's my enemy in this game; I was fighting against my destiny.
My tears finally fell down when I felt Gin’s lips on mine. I clutched on his clothes, weakening on his chest. The kiss was slow and gentle as if filled with both of our longing, pain, and unbearable sadness. In the back of my mind a soft warning lingers, telling me that no matter how painfully perfect this moment felt like, everything wasn't quite right; that this was too good to be true. But I cannot stop now especially when Gin was just in front of me. Not now. And it frightened me that if I kept on lingering here, I will never be able to stay away.
“Shia, stay with me. Everything will be fine. Just stay with me.”
I nodded. All I know, I don't want to lose Gin.
But something strange I felt was happening bit by bit. It’s as if I was slowly sinking into something, an invisible water or a dark pit. I ignored it, though, as I kept on hugging Gin. But as time went by, I felt like sinking further forever. I watched Gin’s face, wondering. He smiled and this time he kissed me on my forehead and everything went calm again—very much peaceful. I will just stay here. I don't want to go out anymore. I quit.
“Say you’ll stay.”
I nodded. “I will—”
“Shia, no!”
I was frozen by the voice I heard. I watched Gin’s face in front of me but his expression was still the same. We’re so close to each other and I seemed to be drunk by the proximity of his presence.
“Say it,” he whispered.
I couldn't answer immediately. I heard something earlier and it was far from the sweet voice this Gin has in front of me.
“Shia, say it.”
Suddenly, I moved back from the person before me. He’s Gin, right? He followed closer to me and then lightly kissed me. I had to close my eyes again as I drowned in Gin’s presence once more.
“Shia, no! Damn it!”
I snapped my eyes open again. It was like I was in a game; he'll come close to me, I will drown under him and will no longer want to be saved, and yet I'd hear a familiar voice that seemed to be pulling me back over the water surface. It was such a deadly game.
I finally stepped away from the man in front of me and a lone tear fell from my eye. What was I thinking? Stupid, Shia. I wanted to slap my face. From the very start, I knew they were not real, everything in front of me were not true. When I saw the strange fog, I've known what could be next but I chose to ignore it because I wanted to be with him again. Even if it's only inside an illusion I'd rather chose to disregard it.
I stood up and watched the 'Gin' in front of me. I knew how to get out of this kind of illusion. I’ve encountered one of the best deceivers that I've known. I should never follow what he asked of me but I almost wanted to stay because even after getting out of this I knew I have nowhere to get back to. You’re pathetic, Shia.
I took a deep breath before speaking. “No, I will not stay with you, Gin.”