L. _Kno._ Sure _Lucretia_ merits a Husband of as much worth as your Nephew, Sir.
Sir _Pat._ A better, Madam, for he's the leudest Hector in the Town; he has all the Vices of Youth, Whoring, Swearing, Drinking, Damning, Fighting,--and a thousand more, numberless and nameless.
L. _Kno._ Time, Sir, may make him more abstemious.
Sir _Pat._ Oh, never, Madam! 'tis in's Nature, he was born with it, he's given over to Reprobation, 'tis bred i'th' bone,--he's lost.
_Lean._ This is the first good Office that ever he did me.
L. _Kno._ What think you, Sir, if in defiance of your Inurbanity, I take him with all these Faults my self?
Sir _Pat._ How, Madam!
L. _Kno._ Without more Ambages, Sir, I have consider'd your former Desires, and have consented to marry him, notwithstanding your Exprobrations.
Sir _Pat._ May I believe this, Madam? and has your Ladyship that Goodness?--and hast thou, my Boy, so much Wit? Why, this is something now.--Well, he was ever the best and sweetest-natur'd Youth.--Why, what a notable Wag's this? and is it true, my Boy, hah?
_Lean._ Yes, Sir, I had told you so before, had you permitted me to speak.
Sir _Pat._ Well, Madam, he is only fit for your excellent Ladyship, he is the prettiest civillest Lad.--Well, go thy ways; I shall never see the like of thee; no--Ingenuously, the Boy's made for ever; two thousand Pounds a Year, besides Money, Plate and Jewels; made for ever.--Well, Madam, the satisfaction I take in this Alliance, has made me resolve to give him immediately my Writings of all my Land in _Berkshire_, five hundred Pounds a year, Madam: and I wou'd have you married this Morning with my Daughter, so one Dinner and one Rejoicing will serve both.
L. _Kno._ That, Sir, we have already agreed upon.
Sir _Pat._ Well, I'll fetch the Writings. Come, _Isabella_, I'll not trust you out of my sight to day.
[Ex. Sir _Pat._ and _Isab._
_Lean._ Well then, Madam, you are resolv'd upon this business of Matrimony.
L. _Kno._ Was it not concluded between us, Sir, this Morning? and at the near approach do you begin to fear?
_Lean._ Nothing, Madam, since I'm convinc'd of your Goodness.
L. _Kno._ You flatter, Sir, this is mere Adulation.
_Lean._ No, I am that wild Extravagant my Uncle render'd me, and cannot live confin'd.
L. _Kno._ To one Woman you mean? I shall not stand with you for a Mistress or two; I hate a dull morose unfashionable Blockhead to my Husband; nor shall I be the first example of a suffering Wife, Sir.
Women were created poor obedient things.
_Lean._ And can you be content to spare me five or six nights in a week?
L. _Kno._ Oh, you're too reasonable.
_Lean._ And for the rest, if I get drunk, perhaps I'll give to you: yet in my drink I'm damn'd ill-natur'd too, and may neglect my Duty; perhaps shall be so wicked, to call you cunning, deceitful, jilting, base, and swear you have undone me, swear you have ravish'd from my faithful Heart all that cou'd make it bless'd or happy.
Enter _Lucretia_ weeping.
L. _Kno._ How now, _Lucretia_!
_Lucr._ Oh Madam, give me leave to kneel before, and tell you, if you pursue the Cruelty I hear you're going to commit, I am the most lost, most wretched Maid that breathes; we two have plighted Faiths, and shou'd you marry him, 'twere so to sin as Heaven would never pardon.
L. _Kno._ Rise, Fool.
_Lucr._ Never till you have given me back _Leander_, or leave to live no more.--Pray kill me, Madam; and the same Flowers that deck your nuptial Bed, Shall serve to strow my Herse, when I shall lie A dead cold Witness of your Tyranny.
L. _Kno._ Rise; I still design'd him yours.--I saw with pleasure, Sir, your reclination from my Addresses.--I have proved both your Passions, and 'twere unkind not to crown 'em with the due Praemium of each others Merits.
[Gives her to _Lean._
_Lean._ Can Heaven and you agree to be so bountiful?
L. _Kno._ Be not amaz'd at this turn, _Rotat omne fatum_.--But no more,--keep still that mask of Love we first put on, till you have gain'd the Writings: for I have no Joy beyond cheating that filthy Uncle of thine.--_Lucretia_, wipe your Eyes, and prepare for _Hymen_, the Hour draws near. _Thalessio_, _Thalessio_, as the _Romans_ cry'd.
_Lucr._ May you still be admir'd as you deserve!
Enter Sir _Patient_ with Writings, and _Isabella_.
Sir _Pat._ How, Madam _Lucretia_, and in Tears?
L. _Kno._ A little disgusted, Sir, with her Father-in-law, Sir.
Sir _Pat._ Oh, is that all? hold up thy Head, Sweet-heart, thy turn's next.--Here, Madam, I surrender my Title, with these Writings, and with 'em my Joy, my Life, my Darling, my _Leander_.--Now let's away, where's Mr. _Fainlove_?
_Isab._ He's but stept into _Cheapside_, to fit the Ring, Sir, and will be here immediately.
Sir _Pat._ I have Business anon about eleven of the Clock, a Consultation of Physicians, to confer about this Carcase of mine.
_Lean._ Physicians, Sir, what to do?
Sir _Pat._ To do! why, to take their advice, Sir, and to follow it.
_Lean._ For what, I beseech you, Sir?
Sir _Pat._ Why, Sir, for my Health.
_Lean._ I believe you are not sick, Sir, unless they make you so.
Sir _Pat._ They make me so!--Do you hear him, Madam--Am not I sick, Sir?
not I, Sir _Patient Fancy_, sick?
L. _Kno._ He'll destroy my Design.--How, Mr. _Fancy_, not Sir _Patient_ sick? or must he be incinerated before you'll credit it?
Sir _Pat._ Ay, Madam, I want but dying to undeceive him, and yet I am not sick!
_Lean._ Sir, I love your Life, and wou'd not have you die with Fancy and Conceit.--
Sir _Pat._ Fancy and Conceit! do but observe him, Madam,--what do you mean, Sir, by Fancy and Conceit?