[Aside.
_Lod._ You must know, Gentlemen, I have a sort of a matrimonial Kindness for a very pretty Woman, she whom I tell you I disturb'd in the Garden, and last night she made me an Assignation in her Chamber: when I came to the Garden-door by which I was to have admittance, I found a kind of Necessary call'd a Baudy Waiting-Woman, whom I follow'd, and thought she wou'd have conducted me to the right Woman; but I was luckily and in the dark led into a Lady's Chamber, who took me for a Lover she expected: I found my happy mistake, and wou'd not undeceive her.
_Wit._ This could be none but _Lucia_. [Aside.
--Well, Sir, and what did you do there?
_Lod._ Do! why, what dost think? all that a Man inspir'd by Love cou'd do, I followed all the dictates of Nature, Youth, and Vigor.
_Wit._ Oh, hold, my Heart--or I shall kill the Traitor. [Aside.
Sir _Cred._ Follow'd all the dictates of Nature, Youth and Vigor!
prithee what's that?
_Lod._ I kiss'd a thousand times her balmy Lips, and greedily took in the nimble Sighs she breath'd into my Soul.
_Wit._ Oh, I can scarce contain my self. [Aside.
Sir _Cred._ Pshaw, is that all, Man?
_Lod._ I clasp'd her lovely Body in my Arms, And laid my Bosom to her panting Breast.
Trembling she seem'd all Love and soft Desire, And I all Burnings in a youthful Fire.
Sir _Cred._ Bless us, the Man's in a Rapture!
_Wit._ Damnation on them both.
Sir _Cred._ Well, to the point, Man: what didst do all this while?
_Lean._ Faith, I fancy he did not sleep, Sir _Credulous_.
_Lod._ No, Friend, she had too many Charms to keep me waking.
Sir _Cred._ Had she so? I shou'd have beg'd her Charms pardon, I tell her that though.
_Wit._ Curse on my Sloth, Oh, how shall I dissemble? [Aside.
_Lean._ Thy Adventure was pretty lucky--but, _Wittmore_, thou dost not relish it.
_Wit._ My Mind's upon my Marriage, Sir; if I thought he lov'd _Isabella_, I wou'd marry her to be reveng'd on him, at least I'll vex his Soul, as he has tortur'd mine.--Well, Gentlemen, you'll dine with me,--and give me your opinion of my Wife.
_Lod._ Where dost thou keep the Ceremony?
_Wit._ At Sir _Patient Fancy's_, my Father-in-law.
_Lod._ How! Sir _Patient Fancy_ to be your Father-in-law?
_Lean._ My Uncle?
_Wit._ He's fir'd,--'tis his Daughter, Sir, I am to marry.--
_Lod._ _Isabella!_ _Leander_, can it be? can she consent to this? and can she love you?
_Wit._ Why, Sir, what do you see in me, shou'd render me unfit to be belov'd?
[Angry.
_Lod._ Marry'd to day! by Heaven, it must not be, Sir.
[Draws him aside.
_Wit._ Why, Sir, I hope this is not the kind Lady who was so soft, so sweet and charming last night.
_Lod._ Hold, Sir,--we yet are Friends.--
_Wit._ And might have still been so, hadst thou not basely rob'd me of my Interest.
_Lod._ Death, do you speak my Language? [Ready to draw.
_Wit._ No, take a secret from my angry Heart, which all its Friendship to thee cou'd not make me utter;--it was my Mistress you surpriz'd last night.
_Lod._ Hah, my Lady _Fancy_ his Mistress? Curse on my prating Tongue.
[Aside.
Sir _Cred._ What a Devil's all this, hard Words, Heart-burnings, Resentments, and all that?
_Lean._ You are not quarrelling, I hope, my Friends?
_Lod._ All this, Sir, we suspected, and smok'd your borrowing Money last night; and what I said was to gain the mighty secret that had been so long kept from your Friends:--but thou hast done a baseness-- [Lays his Hand on his Sword.
_Lean._ Hold, what's the matter?
_Wit._ Did you not rob me of the Victory then I've been so long a toiling for?
_Lod._ If I had, 'twould not have made her guilty, nor me a Criminal; she taking me for one she lov'd, and I her for one that had no Interest in my Friend: and who the Devil wou'd have refus'd so fine a Woman? Nor had I but that I was prevented by her Husband.--But _Isabella_, Sir, you must resign.
_Wit._ I will, provided that our Friendship's safe; I am this day to marry her, and if you can find a means to do't in my room, I shall resign my Interest to my Friend; for 'tis the lovely Mother I adore.
_Lod._ And was it you I fought with in the Garden?
_Wit._ Yes, and thereby hangs a tale of a mistake almost equal to thine, which I'll at leisure tell you.
[Talks to _Lod._ and _Lean._
Sir _Cred._ I'm glad they're Friends; Zoz, here was like to have been a pretty Business; what damnable work this same Womankind makes in a Nation of Fools that are Lovers?
_Wit._ Look ye, I am a damn'd dull Fellow at Invention, I'll therefore leave you to contrive matters by your selves, whilst I'll go try how kind Fortune will be to me this Morning, and see in what readiness my Bride is. What you do must be thought on suddenly; I'll wait on you anon, and let you know how matters go.--I'm as impatient to know the truth of this, as for an opportunity to enjoy _Lucia_.
[Goes out.
_Lod._ _Leander_, what shall I do?
_Lean._ You were best consult your Mother and Sister; Women are best at Intrigues of this kind: But what becomes of me?