_Geo._ Which will burn like a snuff of a Candle; no body will be able to endure it.
[Aside.
--So Fortune, I see, provides for me: On this hand Wealth, on that young Pleasures lie; He ne'er wants these, who has that kind Supply.
[Exeunt.
_The End of the First Act._
ACT II.
SCENE I. Sir _Rowland's_ Lodging.
Enter Sir _Rowland_, _Teresia_, and Lady _Youthly_, &c.
L. _Youth._ Well, Sir _Rowland_, if I should be inclin'd to cast away my self on your Son _George_, what wou'd you settle?
Sir _Row._ Settle! not a Souse, Madam; he carries the best younger Brother's Fortune in _Christendom_ about him.
L. _Youth._ Why, the young Man's deserving, I confess. But he's your Son, Sir _Rowland_, and something ought to be settled upon the Heirs of our Bodies, lawfully begotten.
Sir _Row._ All _Hercules_ his Labours were a Jig to his that shall beget 'em.
[Aside.
If you like him upon these terms, to make him Master of your Fortune--
L. _Youth._ For that, let him trust to me, and his own deservings.
Sir _Row._ No trusting in these fickle Times, Madam--Why, I'll let the young sturdy Rogue out to hire; he'll make a pretty Livelihood at Journey-Work; and shall a Master-Workman, a Husband, deserve nothing?
L. _Youth._ Ay, these Husbands that know their own Strength, as they say, set so high a value on their conjugal Virtues. And if he be disloyal, again o't'other side he gives a Wife so ill an Example--for we are all liable to Temptations.
Sir _Row._ Well said; if thou beest so, it must be the old Tempter himself.
[Aside.
Look ye, Madam, I'll propose a fair Swap; if you'll consent that I shall marry _Teresia_, I'll consent that you shall marry _George_.
L. _Youth._ How, my Grand-daughter? Why, I design'd her for your eldest Son, Sir _Merlin_; and she has a good Fortune of five hundred a year that I cannot hinder her of; and is too young for you.
Sir _Row._ So is _George_ for your Ladyship; and as for his Fortune, 'tis more than likely I shall make him my eldest Son.
L. _Youth._ Say you so, Sir, well, I'll consider, and take Advice of my Friends.
Sir _Row._ Consider! alas, Madam, my House will be besieged by all the Widows in Town; I shall get more by shewing him, than the _Rhinoceros_.
Gad, I'll sell the young Rogue by Inch of Candle, before he's debauch'd and spoil'd in this leud Town.
L. _Youth._ Well, suppose--
Sir _Row._ Nothing under _Teresia_--Gad, I think some old Dog-Star reigns to Day, that so many old Hearts are burning in their Sockets--I'm in love with this young Tittymouse here, most damnably--Well, what say you, Widow? Speak now, or you know the Proverb.
L. _Youth._ Well, Sir _Rowland_, you are too hard for me.
[Ex. all but _Teresia_.
Enter _Olivia_, runs to her and embraces her.
_Ter._ 'Tis as you said, _Olivia_, I am destin'd to your Father.
_Oliv._ What, the Sentence is past then?
_Ter._ Ay, but the Devil is in us, if we stay till Execution Day: Why, this is worse than being mew'd up at _Hackney-School_--my Fortune's my own, without my Grandmother, and with that Stock I'll set up for my self, and see what Traffick this wide World affords a young beginner.
_Oliv._ That's well resolv'd; I am of the same mind, rather than marry Mr. _Welborn_, whom I never saw.--But prithee let's see what we have in Stock, besides ready Money--What Toys and Knick-nacks to invite.
_Ter._ Faith, my Inventory is but small--Let me see--First, one pretty well made Machine, call'd a Body, of a very good Motion, fit for several uses--one pretty conceited Head-Piece, that will fit any body's Coxcomb,--when 'tis grave and dull, 'twill fit an Alderman; when politick and busy, a Statesman; turn it to Intrigue, 'twill fit a City Wife; and to Invention, it will set up an Evidence.
_Oliv._ Very well!
_Ter._ _Item_, One Tongue, that will prattle Love, if you put the Heart in time (for they are Commodities I resolve shall go together) I have Youth enough to please a Lover, and Wit enough to please my self.
_Oliv._ Most excellent Trifles all! As for my out-side, I leave to the Discretion of the Chafferer; but I have a rare Device, call'd an Invention, that can do many Feats; a Courage that wou'd stock a Coward; and a pretty Implement, call'd a Heart, that will strike fire with any convenient force: I have eight thousand Pounds to let out on any able Security, but not a Groat unless I like the Man.
_Ter._ Thus furnish'd, we shall ruin all the _Jews_, and undo the _India_ Houses--But where shall we show? where meet with the Love-Merchants?
_Oliv._ What think you of the Gallery at the Play in Masks?
_Ter._ Shu, a State-Trick, first taken up by Women of Quality, and now run into Ridicule, by all the little common Devils of the Town; and is only a Trap for a Termer, a small new rais'd Officer, or a City Cully, where they baul out their eighteen Pence in Baudy, and filthy Nonsense, to the disturbance of the whole House, and the King's Peace: the Men of Quality have forsaken it.
_Oliv._ What think you of the _Mall_?
_Ter._ As too publick to end an Intrigue; our Affairs require a Conquest as sudden as that of _Caesar_, who came, saw and overcame.
_Oliv._ 'Tis true, besides there's so many Cruisers, we shall never board a Prize. What think you of the Church?
_Ter._ An hypocritical Shift; of all Masks I hate that of Religion; and it shou'd be the last place I'd wish to meet a Lover in, unless to marry him.
_Oliv._ And, Faith, that's the last thing a Lover shou'd do, but we are compell'd to haste, 'tis our last Refuge; if we cou'd but see and like our Men, the business were soon dispatcht.--Let me see--Faith, e'en put on Breeches too, and thus disguis'd seek our Fortune--I am within these three days to be fetch'd from _Hackney School_, where my Father believes me still to be, and thou in that time to be marry'd to the old Gentleman; Faith, resolve--and let's in and dress thee--away, here's my Lady--
[They run out.
SCENE II. A Chamber.
Enter _Mirtilla_ and Mrs. _Manage_.
_Mir._ Ah, let me have that Song again.
A Song by Mr. _Gildon_.