Chapter 75
Episode 75
“…… why did you come out?”
“That’s what I was trying to say . ”
Ash, who came close, put a shawl around my shoulder . Then I diminished it as if there were no momentary gaps .
“Isn’t it cold?”
“…… not so, it’s just a little cool . ”
“Still, put this on . ”
After putting the shawl around, Ash sat next to me . I fiddled with the shawl wrapped around my upper body without a murmur .
I could feel my heart pounding .
‘I’m being like this again . ’
The shawl edges were pressed for no reason . I was getting used to the fact that my heart was beating like this even though it was nothing .
“Why are you out there?”
“That’s… . . wait a minute, that’s the question I asked first . ”
“I followed you, noonim . ”
There were times when Ash’s smile often feels bitter after I realized my feelings, which was now .
It was fortunate that it was dark . I answered back with my gaze down .
“It’s not a big deal, either . I just have a little something to think about . … . ”
“What thoughts?”
“……this and that . ”
Did it sound like I was avoiding the answer? But I could never say straight .
Whether I was planning to run away……anything else .
“Noonim . ”
“Huh?”
“I once said this before . ”
“……”
“Now it’s just the two of us . ”
I raised my eyes . Ash was looking at the garden with nothing but darkness .
Thanks to it, I was able to capture Ash’s side face with my eyes as if I were appreciating it .
Straight forehead . High nose, sharp-faced lines .
I was watching him as if I had been possessed, but I came to my senses belatedly . Oh, that’s why I can’t let my guard down .
“Do you remember?”
“…… when was it?”
“I don’t think it’s been a long time . ”
“It’s been a long time . That’s what the people used to say if they forget it . ”
Those words fell on the day my parents died .
On the day of the funeral, when the priest wrote my parents’ name on the coffin then buried under the cold ground .
The younger brother, who was well covered, said, holding his sister’s hand, who was lower than I was .
‘At that time, I should have run away . ’
It sounded like a death sentence at that time …maybe .
‘When did I start liking Ash?’
My awareness was late, I didn’t think it was feelings accumulated over a day or two .
Ash’s voice was heard one after another as he was conjuring up such a fresh question .
“Let’s say it’s been a long time then . ”
“… . ”
“The important thing is that it’s still the same . ”
“What?”
“That there’s only two of us now . ”
Ash turned his gaze from the garden to me . Our eyes met . I stopped moving .
“I only have noonim . ”
“… . . ”
“How about you, noonim?”
“I…”
I felt as if I were stuttering .
Knowing that I didn’t mean that, I bit the inside of my cheek as my voice was about to shake out .
“Of course… so am I . ”
Ash laughed with his eyes met with me .
Ah .
I realized for a moment .
There is nothing best for me…… .
What exists in me is only the second-best if not the worst .
The worst case for me was Ash who said that to me with those eyes to kill me with a cold and insensitive face as if I’m anyone else .
And the only second best option I had was that I run away from it .
There was no such thing as a choice for me from the beginning unless I had to choose the worst . I knew it, but I realized it clearly at this moment .
“It seems like the wind is getting cold . ”
“…… . ”
“Are you going to stay here longer?”
“……yes . ”
“Well, then me too . ”
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I didn’t take my eyes off Ash’s face .
Even though I felt strange, I couldn’t help it, but I was so persistent in my eyes that I could not help it .
As if I am trying to engrave it .
‘Ash . ’
I thought I was going to cry, so I bit the flesh in my mouth again .
‘I’m gonna run . ’
Because it’s scary .
It’s scary if he didn’t look with that kind of look anymore .
To see with my own eyes that I’ve become nothing to him .
Because it’s scarier and more miserable than anything I can imagine .
I clasped the shawl around my shoulder .
The touch passed through the grasp was soft . I held back my tears with all my might . It occurred to me that my luggage was likely to be increased .
I was lying in bed . The fact that Ash led the subjugation force to the south, instead of the Count, was confirmed .
“They have good eyes . ”
“Southern monsters, if they get caught by His Excellency, then it’s over . ”
“They can’t even taste His Excellency fists . ”
“Now we’re going to dry them up . ”
The knights in the mansion somehow seemed to be proud .
On the other hand, Sir Davery’s impressions were slightly divergent .
“Such a nuisance . ”
Ash’s appreciation, too, seemed close to the latter . It’s Imperial order so he couldn’t disobey it, but he showed signs of annoyance to this point .
“I’ll be right back . ”
The campaign was quick . The longer it drags on, the greater the damage to the south, so the imperial court hurried the schedule .
I looked up at Ash as I walked out with the people of the mansion .
The black horse, which was seized by Ash, wept .
At the end of the greeting, Ash will be on horseback and will leave the mansion with some attendants and knights .
‘This is the last . ’
This was the last time .
The only thing I could see was Ash .
My thoughts drove me crazy and I suddenly got greedy . I got close to Ash and tiptoed my foot .
Then I kissed on the cheek .
“……go home safely . ”
Although my heart was racing belatedly because it was an act I left it to my impulse, and I was already in the process of rationalizing it in my head .
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It’s okay . This much is okay…
As a good older sister who worries about her younger brother, it’s okay up to here .
“……yes . ”
Ash looked at me as if he were going to pierce me and soon got on to the horse . He seemed to be fiddling with the cheek I kissed, but I didn’t look closely .
“Don’t worry too much, my lady . Of course, he’ll be back safely . ”
I only nodded to Bessie’s voice, capturing the gradually diminishing figure of Ash .
As time passed, even the silhouette quickly became invisible . I turned around in a little slow motion between the crowd .
There seemed to be some void in the corner of my chest . Probably not be filled with anything else in the future .
“Are you all right?”
“What?”
In front of Sir Davery, I tried my best to pretend to be calm .
It is also something that I practised in advance .
“No, it’s just that you seem to be in a subdued mood . ”
“It’s all because of the mood”
“Is that so?”
Fortunately, there was no further questioning . I entered the mansion without looking back any further .
Since then, I have spent about three days in a normal manner .
And on the fourth day, I suddenly opened his mouth to Sir Davery .
“Sir . ”
“Yes, my lady . ”
“Do you remember what you said to me the other day?”
I would confirm that the other party’s attention was directed at me .
“You said you wanted me to be happy . ”
“… . ”
“Are you serious about that?”
Sir Davery answered steadily, with a sudden look on his face that he didn’t know why I was asking such a question .
“Yes . ”
“Really?”
“I can prove it here if you want . ”
“Really? It’s true, isn’t it? You really want me to be that happy?”
“…… . ”
“Then……”
There was silence . Sir Davery stared at me silently, as if waiting for my words to go on .
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When I saw his strangely tense look, I continued to speak .
“Buy me some coconut meringue cookies . ”
“Yes?”
“It should be sold at the Sweet Gentle Cooking Boy, a snack shop on the east side of the island . I’ll be happy no matter what happens if I eat it today . ”
“……”
“Come on . I’ll be unhappy if I don’t eat it . Oh, I’m already getting a little unhappy . ”
“Oh, I see . ”
Sir Davery left the mansion with a look of some sort of regret .
I thought as I looked at the back of Sir Davery, who had taken charge of my errand and had to go out .
‘I’m sorry, sir . ’
The snack shop, Sweet Gentle Cooking Boy, takes an hour from here by the carriage .
And then you won’t be able to get the cookies I told you right away . I used to go in person and it sold out just before .
It was a small shop that lacked materials and hands . Even if you wait to make it again, it will take some time .
That was enough .
I came back to my room and took a pen and paper out of the drawer .
And I wrote a short note saying thank you and put it between the bookshelves .
After that, I pulled the rope and called the user . It was Alex who showed that he was free .
“Do you need anything, my lady?”
“I suddenly got a little sick because of the weather . ”
“Yes? Then I’ll get the Doctor…… . ”
“Not to that extent . I’m just a little down and sensitive, so I think I’ll feel better if I take a good rest in my room by myself for a little bit . So, can you tell everyone not to let anyone in my room until tomorrow morning?”
“Uh, even Bessie?”
“Yeah . ”
Alex soon nodded yes .
I don’t know if Alex knows .
When he mentioned Bessie’s name, he had a moment of redness on his face .
“Be happy, Alex,”
“Yes?”
“No . You could go out . ”
“Oh, yes . My lady, then rest well!”
After sending Alex out, I changed my clothes . I wore the maid clothes I had prepared last night and covered my hair with a cloak upside down .
Then, I checked the quietness of the corridor and left the room .
I got out of the mansion and headed for the back door, which was frequently used by the servants . The guard at the door did not hold me, who was empty-handed in a maid’s uniform .
So I came out and took the carriage . When I got off the deserted alley after running for some time, a familiar voice welcomed me .
“Eonni!”
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