If e'er you mak a lucky puddin' I'll eat the prick.
"That is, I am much mistaken if ever you do good."--_Kelly._
If grass does grow in Janiveer, 'twill be the worse for't a' the year.
If he be na a souter, he's a gude shoe clouter.
If he cannot make new shoes well, he is very good at repairing old ones.
If he binds his pock she'll sit down on't.
"Spoken when a niggardly man is married on a more niggardly woman."--_Kelly._
If he gies a duck he expects a goose.
If I canna do't by might I can do't wi' slight.
If I canna keep my tongue I can keep my siller.
If I canna kep geese I can kep gaislins.
"If I cannot work my revenge upon the principal author of my injury, I will upon his children, relations, or friends."--_Kelly._
If I come I maun bring my stool wi' me.
For, as I am not properly invited, there will be no seat allotted to me.
If "ifs" an' "ans" were kettles an' pans there would be nae use for tinklers.
"Were it not for 'if' and 'but,' we should all be rich for ever."--_French._
If I had a dog as daft, I wad shoot him.
Signifying that mischievous or silly doings should be put a stop to.
If I had you at Maggy Mill's house, I would get word about wi' ye.
Used when, in argument or dispute, a man has not a proper opportunity to defend himself.
If I hae done amiss, I'll mak amends.
If I live anither year, I'll ca' this fern-year.
If I'm no kind I'm no cumbersome.
If it be a faut it's nae ferlie.
Or, it is no wonder, as any other result should not have been expected.
If it be ill it's as ill rused.
"Spoken of those who discommend what we have."--_Kelly._
If it can be nae better, it's weel it's nae waur.
If it sair me to wear, it may sair you to look at.
A pertinent reply to those who find fault with a person's dress.
If it werena for hope the heart would break.
If it werena for the belly the back wad wear gowd.
If it winna be a gude shoe we'll mak a bauchel o't.
If it winna sell it winna sour.
Meaning that an article is good, and will not spoil by keeping.
If marriages are made in heaven, you twa hae few friends there.
If ony body speir at ye, say ye dinna ken.
Meaning that a person is unwilling to give another some information.
"'Madge,' said Ratcliffe, 'have ye ony joes now?' 'An ony body ask ye, say ye dinna ken. Set him to be speaking of my joes, auld Daddie Ratton!'"--_Heart of Midlothian._
If she was my wife I would mak a queen o' her.
If strokes be gude to gie they'll be gude to tak.
If that God gie the deil daurna reive.
If the auld wife hadna been in the oven hersel, she ne'er wad hae thought o' looking for her dochter there.
That is, if a person had not been guilty of a particular crime himself, he would never have suspected another of it. Kelly inserts this proverb, but says it is English; and Henderson makes it the subject of an illustration.
If the badger leave his hole the tod will creep in.
If the deil be laird, ye'll be tenant.
If the deil find ye idle, he'll set ye to wark.
For "An idle brain is the devil's workshop."--_English._
If the deil were dead, folk would do little for God's sake.
If the laird slight the leddie his menyie will be ready.