Suddenly he had neither style nor talent. Yet he persisted, and even passed exams. It had done him little good. He had seen really talented people, like Peter Usher, go on to the Slade or wherever, while he had to scrabble around for jobs.
The bus queue moved convulsively, and Julian looked up to see the bus he wanted waiting at the stop. He jumped on and went upstairs.
He had actually been working when he met Sarah. An old school-friend who had gone into publishing had offered him the job of illustrating a childrens novel. The money from the advance had enabled him to kid Sarah he had been a successful artist. By the time she found out the truth it was too late for her-and for her father.
The winning of Sarah had made him think, for a little while, that he had got his old touch back. Then it had turned sour. Julian got off the bus, hoping she would not be at home.
The house was in Fulham, although Sarah insisted on calling it Chelsea. Her father had bought it, but Julian was forced to admit the old sod had chosen well. It was small-three bedrooms, two recep., and a study-but ultramodern, all concrete and aluminum. Julian unlocked the front door and went in, up the half-flight of stairs to the main living room.
Three of the walls were glass. Sadly, one enormous window looked onto the road in front and another to the brick and pine end of a terraced row of houses. But the rear window had a view of the small garden, kept neatly by a part-time gardener who spent most of his twenty hours per week smoking hand-rolled cigarettes and pruning the postage-stamp lawn. And now the afternoon sun streamed in cheerfully, giving a pleasant glow to the golden brown velvet of the upholstery.
One of the low, wide chairs was graced with the long body of Sarah. Julian bent over and kissed her cheek perfunctorily.
Good morning, she said.
He resisted the temptation to look at his watch. It was about five oclock, he knew, but she had only been up since midday.
He sat opposite her. What are you doing? he asked. She shrugged. There was a long cigarette in her right hand and a glass in her left. She was doing nothing. Her capacity for doing nothing, hour after hour, never ceased to amaze Julian.
She noticed his glance wander to her glass. Have a drink? she said.
No. He changed his mind. All right, Ill join you.
Ill get it. She stood up and walked over to the bar. She seemed to be taking great care where she put her feet. When she poured his vodka it splashed up out of the glass onto the polished bar-top.
How long have you been drinking? he said.
Oh, Christ, she said. The blasphemy sounded foul coming from her. She was a woman who knew how to make swear words count. Dont start that.
Julian suppressed a sigh. Sorry, he said. He took the drink from her hand and sipped it.
Sarah crossed one leg over the other, allowing her long robe to slip aside and reveal a long, shapely calf. Her beautiful legs were the first thing he had noticed about her, he remembered. All the way up to her shoulders, he had remarked coarsely to a friend at that first party. And her height had obsessed him ever since: she was a couple of inches taller than he even without her outrageous platform shoes.
How did it go? she asked.
Poorly. I felt rather snubbed.
Oh dear. Poor Julian, always getting snubbed.
I thought we agreed not to begin hostilities.
Right.
Julian resumed: Im just going to send out press releases and hope the hacks will turn up. Itll have to be a good do.
Why not?
Because of the money, thats why not. You know what I really ought to do?
Abandon the whole thing.
Julian ignored that. Give them all cheese sandwiches and draft bitter, then spend the money on paintings.
Havent you bought enough?
I havent bought any Julian said. Three artists have agreed to let me show their stuff on a commission basis-if it sells, I get ten percent. What I really ought to do is buy the work outright. Then if the artist catches on in a big way, I make a pile. Thats how these things work There was a silence. Sarah offered no comment. Eventually Julian said: What I need is a couple of thousand more.
Are you going to ask Daddy? There was a hint of scorn in her voice.
I cant face that. Julian slumped lower in his chair and took a long pull at his vodka and tonic. Its not just asking that hurts-its the certainty that hell say no.
Quite rightly. My God, I dont know what made him fork out for your little adventure in the first place.
Julian refused to rise to the bait. Nor do I, he said. He steeled himself to say what he had to. Look, couldnt you scrape up a few hundred?
Her eyes flashed. You stupid little bastard, she said. You touch my father for twenty thousand, you live in the house he bought, you eat the food I buy, and then you come to me for money! I have just about enough to live on, and you want to take that away. Christ. She looked away from him in disgust.
But Julian had taken the plunge now-he had nothing to lose. Look, you could sell something, he pleaded. Your car would raise enough for me to set the gallery up perfectly. You hardly ever use it. Or some of the jewelry you never wear.
You make me sick. She looked back at him, and her lips flared in a sneer. You cant earn money, you cant paint, you cant manage a bloody picture shop- Shut up! Julian was on his feet, his face white with anger. Stop it! he shouted.
You know what else you cant do, dont you? she said. She pressed on remorselessly, turning the blade in the old wound to see it bleed afresh. You cant screw! screw! The last word was shouted, flung in his face like a blow. She stood up in front of him, untied the cord of her robe, and let the garment slip from her shoulders to the floor. She took the weight of her breasts in her hands, caressing them with her splayed fingers. She looked into his eyes. The last word was shouted, flung in his face like a blow. She stood up in front of him, untied the cord of her robe, and let the garment slip from her shoulders to the floor. She took the weight of her breasts in her hands, caressing them with her splayed fingers. She looked into his eyes.
Could you do it to me now? she said softly. Could you?
Rage and frustration made him dumb. His lips stretched bloodlessly across his mouth in a rictus of humiliated fury.
She put one hand on her pubis and thrust her hips forward at him. Try and do it, Julian, she said in the same seductive tone. Try and get it up for me.
His voice was half a whisper, half a sob. You bitch, he said. You bloody woman, you bitch.
He rushed down the back stairs to the integral garage, the memory of the row a twisting pain inside him. He flicked the switch that lifted the garage door, and got into Sarahs car. She was the kind of person who always left the keys in the ignition.
He had never borrowed her car before, having been reluctant to ask; but now he took it unrepentantly. If she didnt like it, she would have to lump it.
Cow, he said aloud as he drove up the short, steep drive and turned into the road. He headed south, toward Wimbledon. He ought to be used to these quarrels now: he was entitled to a degree of immunity. But the familiar jibes seemed to hurt more with the passing of the years.
She was to blame as much as he, Julian thought. She seemed to take perverse pleasure in his impotence. He had had a couple of girls before Sarah. He had not been spectacular with them, he supposed: still, he had succeeded in doing what was expected. It had something to do with the very qualities which had attracted him to Sarah-the perfection of her tall body, her immaculate aristocratic manners, her moneyed background.
But she could have put things right. She knew what needed to be done, and it was quite within her power to do it. Patience, kindness, and an unhysfierical attitude to sex would have cured him years ago. But Sarah had given him indifference and contempt.
Perhaps she wanted him to be impotent. Maybe it protected her from sex; guarded her own shortcomings. Julian dismissed the thought. He was simply evading responsibility by transferring his blame to her.
He entered the drive of his father-in-laws large house and stopped on the raked gravel in front of the porch. A maid answered his ring at the bell.
Is Lord Cardwell at home? he asked.
No, Mr. Black. Hes at the golf club.
Thank you. Julian got back into the car and drove off. He might have guessed the old boy would be having a round of golf on a fine evening like this.
He drove the Mercedes cautiously, not using its sprightly acceleration and cornering stability. The cars power served only to remind him of his own ineffectiveness.
The golf club parking lot was crowded. Julian left the car and went into the clubhouse. Sarahs father was not in the bar.
Have you seen Lord Cardwell this evening? he asked the bartender.
Yes. Hes having a round on his own. Hell be on the seventh or eighth by now.
Julian went out again and set off around the course. He found Lord Cardwell putting on the ninth.
His father-in-law was a tall man with very thin white hair. He wore a windbreaker and fawn slacks, and a canvas cap covered most of his near-baldness.
A nice evening, Julian said.
Isnt it? Well, now that youre here you can caddy for me. Cardwell holed with a long putt, retrieved his ball, and walked on.
How is the gallery coming along? he asked as he prepared to tee off on the tenth.
Very well, in general, Julian said. The redecoration is almost complete, and Im working on the publicity at the moment.
Cardwell flexed his legs, lined up the ball, and swung. Julian walked beside him along the fairway. However, he continued, its all costing an awful lot more than I expected.
I see, Cardwell said without interest.
In order to ensure a good profit right from the start, I need to spend a couple of thousand buying paintings. But with the way money is flowing out I shant have it.
You will need to be very thrifty at the start, then, Cardwell said. It wont do you harm.
Julian cursed inwardly. This was the way he had feared the conversation might go. He said: Actually, I was wondering whether you might lay on some extra cash. It would secure your investment.
Cardwell found his ball and stood contemplating it. Youve got a lot to learn about business, Julian, he said. I may be considered a rich man, but I cant lay on two thousand pounds at the drop of a hat. I couldnt afford a three-piece suit if I had to find the money tomorrow. But more important, you must learn how to go about raising capital. You dont approach a man and say, Im a bit short, could you lay on a few quid? You tell him youre on to such a good thing that you want to let him in on it.
Im afraid I cant let you have that extra cash. I put up the money in the first place against my better judgment-however, thats in the past.
Now let me tell you what I shall do. You want to buy some pictures. Now Im a collector, not a dealer, but I know that the gallery owners necessary talent is the finding of good buys in the picture market. Find some good buys, and I will give you that extra capital.
He braced himself over his ball again and prepared to swing.
Julian nodded soberly, trying hard to keep his disappointment from showing on his face.
Cardwell swung powerfully, and watched the ball soar into the air and land on the edge of the green. He turned to Julian.
Ill take those now, he said, and slung the golf bag onto his shoulder. You didnt come here to caddy for me, I know. His tone became unbearably condescending. Off you go, and remember what I said.
sure,"Julian said. Cheerio. He turned away and walked back to the parking lot.
He sat in a traffic jam at Wandsworth Bridge and wondered how to avoid Sarah for the rest of the evening.
He felt curiously free. He had done the unpleasant things he had been obliged to do, and was experiencing a sense of relief, despite the fact that he had achieved nothing. He had not really expected Sarah or her father to cough up-but he had been forced to try. He also felt quite irresponsible toward Sarah. He had rowed with her and pinched her car. She would be furious with him, and there was nothing to be done for it.
He felt in his jacket pocket for his diary, to see whether there was anything he could go to. His hand found a slip of paper, and he brought it out.
The traffic shifted, and he moved the car off. He tried to read the piece of paper as he drove. It bore the name Samantha Winacre, and an address in Islington He remembered. Samantha was an actress, and an acquaintance of Sarahs. Julian had met her a couple of times. She had called at the gallery in passing the other day, and asked him to let her know what he was going to put on. The occasion came back to him: that was when poor old Peter Usher had come in.
He found himself driving north, past the turning for home. It would be rather pleasant to call on her. She was very beautiful, and a talented, intelligent actress.
It was a poor idea really. She would probably be surrounded by an entourage, or be out at show business parties all evening.
On the other hand, she did not seem the type for that sort of life. All the same he would need an excuse for calling. He tried to think of one.
He drove up Park Lane, negotiated Speakers Corner, and went up the Edgware Road, eventually turning into Marylebone Road. He drove slightly faster now, looking forward to this slightly mad attempt to impose himself on a film star. Marylebone Road became Euston Road, then he turned left at the Angel.
In a couple of minutes he was outside the house. It looked very ordinary: no blasts of music, no noise of raucous laughter, no blaze of lights. He decided to try his luck.
He left the car and knocked on the door. She came herself, her hair wrapped in a towel.
Hello! she said pleasantly.
Our conversation was cut off rather abruptly the other day, Julian said. I was passing, and I wondered if I might buy you a drink.
She smiled broadly. How delightfully spontaneous of you, she laughed. I was just trying to figure out how to avoid spending the evening in front of the telly. Come in.
V.
ANITA'S SHOES CLATTERED CHEERFULLY on the sidewalk as she hurried toward Samantha Winacres house. The sun was warm; it was already 9:30. With luck, Sammy would still be in bed. Anita was supposed to start work at nine oclock, but she was often late, and Sammy rarely noticed.
She smoked a small cigarette as she walked, inhaling deeply, enjoying the taste of the tobacco and the fresh morning air. This morning she had washed her long fair hair, taken her mother a cup of tea, fed her newest brother with a bottle, and got the rest of the children off to school. She was not tired, for she was only eighteen ; but in ten years time she would look forty.
The new baby was her mothers sixth, not counting the one that died and some miscarriages. Did the old man not know about birth control, she wondered, or didnt he care? If he was my husband Id make bloody sure he knew.
Gary knew all about taking precautions, but Anita wouldnt let him have it, not yet. Sammy thought she was old-fashioned, making a fellow wait. Perhaps she was, but she found it wasnt half so nice unless you really liked each other. Sammy talked a lot of nonsense, anyway.
Sammys place was a terraced house with a basement, old but quite nicely done up. Quite a lot of wealthy people had renovated old houses in this part of Islington, and the area was becoming quite posh. Anita let herself in by the front door and closed it softly behind her.
She looked at her reflection in the hall mirror. There had been no time to put on makeup today, but her round, pink face looked well without it. She never used much, unless she was going up West, of a Saturday night.
The mirror had an ad for ale engraved in the glass, like something in a Pentonville Road pub. It meant you could never see the whole of your face in it, but Sammy said it was Art Deco. More nonsense.
She looked into the kitchen first. There were some dirty dishes on the breakfast bar, and a few bottles on the floor, but nothing much. Last night had not been a party night, thank God.
She stepped out of her street shoes, took a pair of moccasins from her tote bag, and slipped them on. Then she went down to the basement.