"But not with Jack Randolph."
"What humbug are you up to now? I don't understand you."
"So I see," said Jack, dryly. "You take it for granted that because I proposed, Louie accepted. Whereas, that didn't happen to be the case. I proposed, but Louie disposed of me pretty effectually."
"Mittened?" cried I.
"Mittened!" said Jack, solemnly. "Hence the gravestone."
"But how, in the name of wonder, did that happen?"
"Easily enough. Louie happens to have brains. That's the shortest way to account for her refusal of my very valuable devotions. But I'll tell you all about it, and, after that, we'll decide about the headstone.
"You see, I went up there this evening, and the other girls were off somewhere, and so Louie and I were alone. The aunt was in the room, but she soon dozed off. Well, we had great larks, no end of fun--she chaffing and twitting me about no end of things, and especially the widow; so, do you know, I told her I had a great mind to tell her how it happened; and excited her curiosity by saying it all originated in a mistake. This, of course, made her wild to know all about it, and so I at last told her the whole thing--the mistake, you know, about the hand, and all that--and my horror. Well, hang me, if I didn't think she'd go into fits. I never saw her laugh so much before. As soon as she could speak, she began to remind me of the approaching advent of Miss Phillips, and asked me what I was going to do. She didn't appear to be at all struck by the fact that lay at the bottom of my disclosures; that it was her own hand that had caused the mischief, but went on at a wild rate about my approaching 'sentimental seesaw,' as she called it, when my whole time would have to be divided between my two _fiancees_. She remarked that the old proverb called man a pendulum between a smile and a tear, but that I was the first true case of a human pendulum which she had ever seen.
"Now the little scamp was so perfectly fascinating while she was teasing me, that I felt myself overcome with a desperate fondness for her; so, seeing that the old aunt was sound asleep, I blurted out all my feelings. I swore that she was the only--"
"Oh, omit all that. I know--but what bosh to say to a sensible girl!"
"Well, you know, Louie held her handkerchief to her face, while I was speaking, and I--ass, dolt, and idiot that I was--felt convinced that she was crying. Her frame shook with convulsive shivers, that I took for repressed sobs. I saw the little hand that held the little white handkerchief to her face--the same slender little hand that was the cause of my scrape with Mrs. Finnimore--and, still continuing the confession of my love, I thought I would soothe her grief. I couldn't help it. I was fairly carried away. I reached forward my hand, and tried to take hers, all the time saying no end of spooney things.
"But the moment I touched her baud, she rolled her chair back, and snatched it away--
"And then she threw back her head--
"And then there came such a peal of musical laughter, that I swear it's ringing in my ears yet.
"What made it worse was, not merely what she considered the fun of my proposal, but the additional thought that suddenly flashed upon her, that I had just now so absurdly mistaken her emotion. For, confound it all! as I reached out my hand, I said a lot of rubbish, and, among other things, implored her to let me wipe her tears. This was altogether too much. Wipe her tears! And, Heavens and earth, she was shaking to pieces all the time with nothing but laughter. Wipe her tears! Oh, Macrorie! Did you _ever_ hear of such an ass?
"Well, you know she couldn't get over it for ever so long, but laughed no end, while I sat utterly amazed at the extent to which I had made an ass of myself. However, she got over it at last.
"'Well,' said I, 'I hope you feel better.'
"'Thanks, yea; but don't get into a temper. Will you promise to answer me one question?'
"'Certainly; most happy. If you think it worth while to do any thing else but laugh at me, I ought to feel flattered.'
"'Now, that's what I call temper, and you must be above such a thing.
After all, I'm only a simple little girl, and you--that is, _it_ was so awfully absurd.'
"And here she seemed about to burst forth afresh. But she didn't.
"'What I was going to ask,' she began, in a very grave way, 'what I was going to ask is this, If it is a fair question, how many of these little entanglements do you happen to have just now?'
"'Oh, Louie!' I began, in mournful and reproachful tones.
"'Oh don't, don't,' she cried, covering her face, 'don't begin; I can't stand it. If you only knew how absurd you look when you are sentimental. You are always so funny, you know; and, when you try to be solemn, it looks so awfully ridiculous! Now, don't--I really cannot stand it. Please-ple-e-e-e-e-ease don't, like a good Captain Randolph.'
"At this she clasped her hands and looked at me with such a grotesque expression of mock entreaty, that I knocked under, and burst out laughing.
"She at once settled herself comfortably in her easy-chair.
"'Now that's what I call,' said she, placidly, 'a nice, good, sensible, old-fashioned Captain Randolph, that everybody loves, and in whose affairs all his innumerable friends take a deep interest. And now let me ask my question again: How many?'
"'How many what?' said I.
"'Oh, you know very well.'
"'How can I know, when you won't say what you mean?'
"'How many entanglements?'
"'Entanglements?'
"'Yes. Engagements, if you wish me to be so very explicit.'
"'What nonsense! Why you know all about it, and the cause--'
"'Ah, now, that is not frank; it isn't friendly or honest,' said the little witch. 'Come, now. Are there as many as--as--fifty?'
"'Nonsense!'
"'Twenty, then?'
"'How absurd!'
"'Ten?'
"'Of course not.'
"'Five?'
"'No.'
"'Four?'
"'Why, haven't I told you all?'
"'Four,' she persisted.
"'No--'
"'Three, then--'
"'It isn't fair,' said I,' to press a fellow this way.'
"'Three?' she repeated.