"Like when you slammed me against the locker for talking shit about her?"
"Yeah, exactly like that."
"Maybe you can do that again," I suggest. "Find out if Dawson is aware of what Whitney did."
"Are you sure that's what you want?" Riley asks. "I know you like her. You could spend all weekend alone with her. She's got to be pissed at my brother. You could sneak in, steal her away."
I shake my head. "I couldn't live with myself. She's hurt, Riley, and we need to fix it. Even if that means she ends up with Dawson."
Riley appraises me. I'm not sure, but I think what I just said earned me some respect with him.
"And I'm sick of Whitney pulling this kind of crap," he says. "I'm calling Dawson, now."
"Wait. Why don't you call Jake instead? Find out the truth. Was it Dawson's idea to leave her because he wants to hook up with Rachel, or did Whitney manipulate things to keep Dawson and Keatyn apart?"
While he grabs his cell and makes the call, I sit on his bed, still wondering what I'm doing.
Any other girl, and I'd be taking advantage of the situation, consoling her-with my dick.
But I don't want Keatyn by default.
Because I'm pretty sure I'm in love with her.
I must be.
I'm behaving like an idiot.
On the other hand, it's not like Dawson will come all the way back here on his own.
Maybe I can do the right thing and still reap the rewards.
Riley hangs up and says to me, "Dawson and Jake are pissed! I'm going to pick them up. You want to come?"
Or not.
Shit.
"Uh, naw. You go ahead."
I go back to my room, lie in my bed, kick myself for telling, and fall asleep wondering why everything I do concerning her never seems to work out right.
Saturday, September 24th Just in time.
8:20am I'm going to workout when I run into Jake.
"You're back, huh?"
"Yeah, just in time, too," he says.
"For what?"
"For Dawson and Keatyn to make up."
I swallow hard. "They made up?"
"Yeah, she was getting in the cab ready to leave right when we pulled up. She was pissed at first, but he totally sweet talked her into letting him go with her."
Now I feel sick. "Uh, that's great for them," I say, forcing a smile.
When I get down to the gym, I head straight for the punching bag and totally pretend the bag is Dawson's face.
But once I get some of my frustrations out, I realize that's it is all my fault, and I should probably be punching myself.
I work out and then go get pizza with Logan and some of the guys. We hang out at the sports bar for awhile, watching college football on their multiple screens.
While we're there, Logan leans over and says, "What's up your butt today?"
"I'm an idiot."
"Dallas told me it was because of you that Dawson found out what Whitney did. If you like Keatyn, why the hell did you do that?"
"Because I'm an idiot," I repeat.
"Well, they're together now. Not much you can do about it." He slaps me on the back. "Dude, we're getting you laid tonight. It's been all semester. No wonder you're being an idiot. You can't think when your balls are blue."
"That's bullshit, and you know it. If I recall, you went for months without doing it before and after Maggie."
"Shut up. That's different. I loved her." He studies me then says, "Shit. Do you love her?"
I rub my hands down my face in frustration. "Pretty sure."
"You thought you loved Chelsea last year. Look how that turned out. I thought I loved Maggie. That went to shit. We're too young to worry about love. We need to hook up, get off, and move on to the next one. We can worry about all that love shit once we're done with college. Until then, we're going to have some fun."
I try to focus on the games, but I can't stop thinking about what Keatyn's doing-hopefully it's not Dawson.
I remind myself that she intended to shop. Maybe that's all they will do. Shop. And be so tired afterwards they just go to sleep.
But I doubt it.
Everyone says they've already done it. I'm pretty sure they did it that weekend in the Hamptons when she was mad at her ex.
I screwed up by behaving like a jealous idiot when she told me about her ex. Then Logan told me that girls weren't worth the hassle. And after what happened last year at Prom, I had to agree with him.
But I was wrong. She's worth the hassle.
When I get back to my dorm, her being with Dawson isn't the only thing on my mind. It's the underlying feeling I have about our conversation in the chapel.
That what she was saying was more about her than her friend.
I can't talk to my friends about it. So I call my parents, who put me on speaker like they always do.
After our initial greeting, chatting about the weather, their travels, and football, talk turns to my classes.
"How are your grades so far?" Mom asks.
"Actually, pretty good. I got a C plus on my last French test."
"Really?" Dad asks. "That's great. We heard from your sister that you have a crush on your tutor. That the reason for the improvement?"
"Probably," I say. "Actually, that's part of why I called. I need your advice."
"What about?" Mom asks.
"There's something going on in her personal life. She told me a little bit about it, but I know there's stuff she's not telling me. I want her to confide in me. Trust me. How can I make her?"
"You can't make her trust you, son," Dad says. "You have to earn her trust if you want her to confide in you."
"What did Peyton tell you about her?"
"Not much. Just that you like her, but she likes someone else," Dad says.
"That's not all," Mom contradicts. "I heard she's on the dance team as well as Varsity soccer. Peyton said she's really pretty, really nice, and a breath of fresh air at the school. It sounds like there has been some tension between her and Whitney this semester."
"That's because Whitney can be mean." I tell them about how Keatyn is seeing Dawson, how Whitney hates it, and what she did last night.
"But I thought Whitney broke up with Dawson last year?" Mom asks.
"She did. But since he's gotten more serious with Keatyn, it's making her mad. I don't know that she really likes Dawson, it's the attention they get as a couple that I think she's jealous of."
"High school drama," Dad laughs.
"It's more than that," I say with a sigh. "I really like her. She's just . . . different. Special. Yeah, she's gorgeous, but it's more. It's like-this sounds crazy-she's supposed to be with me." I spill my guts and tell them everything that's happened between us-starting from when she kicked the soccer ball at my face to last night. I take a big breath then say, "And I screwed up again last night. She was upset. I didn't want her to be hurt, so I told Riley what happened and then he called Jake who told Dawson and then they came back. I was hoping to get some time alone with her this weekend and ask her to Homecoming. Instead, she took Dawson to New York City with her."
"You've never had a problem getting girls to like you," Mom says.
"Usually too many do," Dad chuckles.
"What's wrong with her?" Mom asks. "You're practically perfect. And so adorable."
I roll my eyes. "You're my mom. You have to say that. And there's nothing's wrong with her. She's perfect."
"Are her and Dawson going steady?"
"No one goes steady anymore, Mom. They're in a relationship. They go out."
"Same thing. Are they?"
"No."
"Then if you want to take her to the dance, you should ask her," Mom suggests. "The worst thing that can happen is she could say no. You just have to be the guy who asks first."
"You think?"
"Well, if he hasn't asked her, there's no reason why you can't. Do it when she gets back."
I consider it. I will be devastated if she says no.
But I also know she's worth the risk. "You're right. I'll do it. I'll ask her on Monday after school when we meet up to study."
"Thataboy," Dad says.
"Good luck," Mom says. "Love you."
"Bye. Love you guys, too."
Before the call ends, I hear Dad chuckle and say to Mom, "Sounds like he's got it bad."
I hang up thinking Dad's right.
I do.
A bottle of booze.
11:45pm Logan and I are at the Cave, sitting on a log around the fire. He's in a shitty mood because Maggie is flirting with someone. I'm pretty sure she does it just to make him jealous, but I can't say that. He'd get pissed at me, too.
So I do the next best thing. I point over to a group of cheerleaders, most of whom are drunk.
"Alicia keeps looking at you," I tell him, hoping to cheer him up as I pass him a bottle of booze.
He glances in her direction. "She's got a great rack. Not much between the ears, though."
"That's not true," I say. "She was in math with me last year and got straight A's. I think she's really smart, just lacks common sense."
"Hmm," Logan says, a smile finally appearing on his face. "Let's go over there."
The girls who are left here don't have boyfriends. If they did, they'd be off hooking up somewhere. Alicia touches Logan's arm and says in a high-pitched tone, "I couldn't believe the amazing catch you made in the game last night."
Logan passes her the bottle and smiles.
That's pretty much all it takes.
Her best friend, Ashley, flirts with me. First complimenting the personal-best field goal I made and then complimenting my biceps. I'm fine with her flirting with me. At least until Logan and Alicia decide to leave together-or at least start making out. I'm trying to be a good wingman.
To not think about how much today sucked. About how all I could think about is what Dawson and Keatyn are doing.
And it kinda makes me feel sick. I should have offered to go with her. I should have suggested we leave that night. It seems like that's how most of our relationship has gone-me doing something stupid and later kicking myself for it.
I smile, thinking about her kicking the soccer ball at me and how I call her Boots because of it.