I’m back!!
Finally, we’re having Greed’s POV. I originally wanted to release the whole chapter but it is long and it’s probably going to take me a month to finish it all.
I tried my best to improve my grammar but I translated this after finishing my exams. If you point out any mistakes, I’d appreciate it.
VOLUME 1: Side Story 1 - Empty Heart
(1)
From the moment I was born, there were beings following me and talking to me. At a first glance, these beings have the same appearance as humans like me. Their parents' sizes also do not change. However, they are transparent and fly above the sky, and each have a "color" according to the type, so they are obviously not humans.
Those who are of the "wind" type are green.
Those who are of the "earth" type are brown.
Those who are of the "fire" type are red.
Those who are of the "water" type are blue.
Those who are of the "light" type are gold.
Those who are of the "darkness" type are black.
They, who have different colors of hair and eyes depending on their race, always stay by my side and bother me with their chatter.
"Greed!"
"Hey, Greed, look!"
"Yes?" I reply, and they'd smile delightedly. I don't know what they are glad about.
It was immediately around that time when I realized that only I could see them. It was my oldest memory, when I asked my father "what they are". I can recall clearly the reaction of my father at that time. I asked at the table during meals. Father breathed out somewhat tiredly, silently placed the spoon he held at the table and said.
"They are probably spirits…… Greed, you have a special power. It is a great power bestowed by the god."
Mother stopped eating and watched me and Father alternately.
"We were thinking that there must be a meaning to it since you were born with that power. Otherwise, it is impossible for a couple of farmers from the countryside to have a child with a power like you…… Listen, Greed. Someday, a time will come where you will have to use that power. Because that is the reason why you were born with that power."
Looking confused, it was as if those were Father's words to convince his self. Those were the words that I remembered first.
And those were also words of curse.
—I was born to be given power by the god.
In other words, I do not need to exist unless I have power. I felt equivocal about myself. A person who possesses enormous powers exists for some reason and it is unnecessary to be born unless there is a reason for that.
That's why my parents tolerated my existence while fearing my powers.
A childhood friend in the village was hugged by his parents. Scolded when he is mischievous. Praised him with a smile if he did something good. But my parents won't do that.
Because they do not know what will happen if they hug me. Because they do not know what to do if they scold me. Because it seems they do not know how to praise me. Since they don't know, they don't do anything, they can't do anything.
"The spirits will protect that child. They will do something for sure."
That's what they thought. There's nothing we ordinary humans can do for special humans.
……That's the circumstance; it was close to abandoning childcare.
Now that I grew up, I got to understand the confused feelings of my parents who did not know how to deal with me.
In a farming village at a remote countryside, a child was born to them who can read characters without decent education, and has received too much protection from the spirits. Every time I cry, they greatly fear that their son will cause a small tornado or an earthquake. It's no wonder that they act with great caution. Besides, it is not only my parents who have this kind of attitude.
The adult villagers around us also treat me pretty much the same. The children of the same age as me and their parents are in such a state, so they do not approach me. Renas and Milly and their parents are the only ones who freely associated with me. Because of them, I do not feel loneliness and sadness.
To my parents, I only felt sorry for them and felt bad for having a child of bad luck like me. Even so, it was not some faint emotion, only emptiness was occupying most of my heart.
Renas and Milly would say, "You were brought up by such parents, so your emotions must have developed poorly," but I don't think so. For example, don't all people who were abandoned by their parents and brought up in the orphanage grow up on their own?
I was not interested in anything and I am not confident even with the friendship Renas and Milly felt. I could only feel joy, sorrow and anger in a part of my heart, just the superficial layer. These feelings haven't touched deep inside my heart. My emotions were not frozen.
There is simply—nothing. Just emptiness, like a gaping hole.
That was me. I thought I was somewhat broken. A defective human. I do not understand the pain of others. I do not understand compassion. I can't understand why everyone can smile or cry. The love that Renas and Milly felt for each other and the reason why they think the other person is "special"…… I do not understand at all. I was tired of being myself.
I got to live a little bit easier after I decided to abandon my emotions since that one incident in the Lake Mainau. Until then, I was concerned about the people around me so I faked my emotions.
I observed the emotions of Renas and Milly who were closest to me. If they laugh, I'd also laugh. If they are having fun, I'd also act like I'm having fun. If they grieve, I'd also become sad. If they get angry, I'd also become irritated.
I'd synchronize emotions with them and imitate them. No feelings have ever arisen from my heart.
But in response to such false emotions, the spirits exerted their powers—
When I witnessed that all the villagers who lost the lake due to the rampage of the spirits prostrated themselves on the ground and asked for forgiveness, I realized that feelings are really a nuisance. That's why I stopped pretending.
I broke my promise with Renas's father, Priest Lyell, but I thought that would be better for everyone. If I have an empty heart like that of a doll, the spirits will not act recklessly. This power will not cause trouble to others.
However—at that time, the situation in the village had changed somewhat. Girls of my age, who were supposed to avoid me, were starting to follow me. I would gloomily ignore them, but it was not only women. With the women following around me, I became the subject of hostility of boys of my age, who had ignored me until now. Of course, I ignored it all.
Renas laughed and said, "It is jealousy."
"It's because you are popular with the girls. You perform better than anyone in whatever you do so they are jealous."
The man involved actually said similar things.
"So irritating! What's with that blank expression? I started learning swordsmanship earlier than you, yet why is that your improvement is ridiculing my efforts? . . . It's so frustrating that you look as if it is natural. You don't know how it feels. You can do anything and you have everything!"
It is certain that I learned swordsmanship and magic without much effort. On the contrary, I simply wonder why everyone could not do it.
But—
Only during this time did I want to laugh a little bit at the words of that man.
The words "You have everything."
Surely, I have everything that guy wants. Whether it is swordsmanship or magical powers, everything was extraordinary.
—However.
What does that mean? A person who would not exist if the world does not need his power. In reality, I do not have everything.
I am empty, like a cup without a bottom. Whatever you put or pour in it, everything just goes through it.
Do I have anything?
Nothing.
……All I have is a broken, empty heart.