"You pick up anything weird about either of them?" I asked.
Mouse sneezed, shaking his head, and laid it back down again.
I grunted. "Guess not." I took a deep breath. "Grasshopper, maybe it's good time to take Mouse for a W-A-L-K?"
Mouse's head snapped up.
Molly looked back and forth between Karrin and me and sighed. "Yeah, okay."
"Maybe take those two with you when you go? And have security bring the car around, too. We'll leave shortly."
"Right," Molly said. She collected Mac and Sarissa, now clad in badly fitting secondhand coats, and they left.
It was just me and Karrin.
The fire crackled.
Karrin said, "You picked up Mouse. Did you get to see Maggie?"
"Christ, everyone wants to know about..." I shook my head. "She was out."
She nodded. "Did you get out of the car? Or just wait at the curb?"
I gave her a flat stare. She looked back at me with her cop face. I failed to terrify her off the subject.
"Curb," I said.
She smiled faintly. "I've seen you walk into places that should have killed you seven, eight times? You didn't flinch. But now you're petrified with fear?"
"Not fear," I said, so quickly and with such vehemence that it became immediately clear to me that fear was exactly what I was feeling when I thought of approaching Maggie.
"Sure it isn't," Karrin said.
"Look," I said, "we don't have time for-"
"My dad said that a lot," Karrin said. "'I can't right now. We'll do that later.' He was busy, too. Then he was gone."
"I am not going to deal with this right now."
Karrin nodded. "Right. Not right now. Later."
"Christ," I said.
Karrin looked down at the floor and smiled briefly, then looked back up at me. "I never liked being shrunk. Had to a couple of times. After I shot Denton. Stuff like that."
"So?" I said.
"Some things can't just sit inside you," she said. "Not when..." She spread her hands. "Harry, you're dealing with serious pressures here. With something that could... change who you are. I don't blame you for being afraid."
"I've got the Winter Knight thing under control," I said.
"Winter Knight, Mab, whatever," she said, as if it were an everyday annoyance. "Magic stuff, you'll deal with it fine. I'm talking about something real. I'm talking about Maggie."
"Oh," I said.
"I figure it'll take Thomas at least ten minutes to fuel the boat," she said. "It's been about five since he left. Which gives you five minutes with no city to save, no evil queens, and no monsters. No one to protect right in front of you, no apprentices to look strong for."
I looked at her blankly and felt my shoulders sag. I hadn't slept in too long. I wanted to find a nice bed somewhere and pull the covers over my head. "I don't... What are you looking for, here? What do you expect from me?"
She stepped closer and took my hand. "Talk to me. Why didn't you go see Maggie?"
I bowed my head and let my fingers stay limp. "I can't. I just can't."
"Why not?"
I tried to speak and couldn't. I shook my head.
Karrin stepped closer to me and took my other hand in hers, too.
"I'm right here," she said.
"What if..." I whispered. "What if... she remembers?"
"Remembers what?"
"She was there," I said. "She was there when I cut her mother's throat. I don't know if she was conscious, if she saw... but what if she did? In my head, I've run this scenario about a thousand times, and if she saw me and started screaming or crying..." I shrugged. "That would be... hard."
"You know what's going to be harder?" Karrin asked quietly.
"What."
"Not knowing." She shook my hands gently. "Leaving a hole in that little girl's life. She's your daughter, Harry. You're the only dad she's ever going to have."
"Yeah, but if I show up and she remembers me, I'm not her father. I'm her father the monstrous villain. I'm Darth Dresden."
"She'll learn better," Murphy said. "Eventually. If you try."
"You don't understand," I said. "I can't... I can't do anything that might hurt her. I just can't. I barely know that little girl-but she's mine. And I'd rather double-kneecap myself with a frying pan than bring her an ounce of pain."
"Pain passes," Karrin said. "If you think about it-"
"You don't get get it," I half snarled. "She's blood, Karrin. She's mine. Thinking has no place in this. She's my little girl. I it," I half snarled. "She's blood, Karrin. She's mine. Thinking has no place in this. She's my little girl. I can't can't see her get hurt again-" see her get hurt again-"
I stopped suddenly with my mouth hanging open.
Hell's bells, how could I have missed what the Mothers were trying to tell me?
I couldn't bear to see my child in pain.
And maybe I wasn't the only one who couldn't.
"Stars and stones," I breathed. "That's what's happening here."
Karrin blinked up at me several times. "Excuse me?"
I kept thinking about it, following the logic. "That's why Mab sent me to kill Maeve. She's no different from Titania. She knew it needed to be done but..."
"But what?" Karrin asked.
"Maeve is still her little girl," I said quietly. "Mab isn't human, but there are... remnants in all the Sidhe. Mother Winter called Mab a romantic. I think this is why. Mother Summer went on and on about how humans have influenced the Sidhe. That's what this whole thing is about."
"I don't understand," Karrin said.
"Mab loves her daughter," I said simply. "She won't kill Maeve because she loves her." I let out a bitter little laugh. "And there's the kind of symmetry here that the faeries are crazy about. I killed the last Summer Lady. It's only fitting that the same hand deal with the Winter Lady."
My brain was running along with my mouth, and I stopped talking so that I could poke at the logic of the theory that my instincts-or maybe my heart-told me was obviously true. If Mab wasn't out to wreck the world, if she hadn't been taken by the adversary, then someone else had been lying to me. Someone who shouldn't shouldn't have been able to lie. have been able to lie.
"Okay," Karrin said. "If not Mab, then who is going to pull off this apocalypse ritual magic?"
I kept following the lines of logic and felt myself grow abruptly cold. "Oh. Oh, God. All this time." I turned and started for the door. "Outsiders. At the end of the day, this is all about the Outsiders. We've got to go. Right now."
"Harry," Karrin said.
I turned to face her.
"Why won't you explain...?" She frowned. "You don't trust me. So you're going to keep me close just like the others."
I looked down at the floor. "Don't take it hard. I don't trust myself right now."
She shook her head. "This is the thanks I get."
"It's Halloween," I said. "It's the night when everyone looks like something that they aren't." I turned toward the door. "But I'm about to start ripping off masks. And we'll both see where everyone stands. Come on."
Chapter Forty
I had a word with Toot-toot once we were outside, and by the time the had a word with Toot-toot once we were outside, and by the time the Munstermobile Munstermobile rolled out of the lot, we had a ring of tiny, nigh-invisible escorts pacing us, making it their business to dislodge any enemy tiny observers our foes might have sent to keep tabs on us. It didn't make me think that we would avoid the attentions of enemy Little Folk altogether, but every little thing I could conceal from the people working against me could prove to be a critical edge. rolled out of the lot, we had a ring of tiny, nigh-invisible escorts pacing us, making it their business to dislodge any enemy tiny observers our foes might have sent to keep tabs on us. It didn't make me think that we would avoid the attentions of enemy Little Folk altogether, but every little thing I could conceal from the people working against me could prove to be a critical edge.
Karrin saw the car's paint job again, rolled her eyes, and declined my offer of a ride. She followed us on her Harley. Molly rode shotgun with me, holding her backpack on her lap. Molly was a big believer in shaping the future by way of carrying anything you might need in a backpack. Tonight it looked particularly stuffed.
As I drove, the burn in my calf continued every time I worked the clutch or pumped the brake, getting slowly worse beneath the layers of gauze Butters had wrapped it in. The rest of my lower leg was tingling and itching, too, but at least the wound wasn't soaking through the bandages.
What the hell had that dart been been? Why plug me with it, unless the Redcap thought it would kill me?
"I, uh," Molly said as I pulled the Caddy into the marina parking lot. "I got you something."
"Eh?" I asked.
"I had them rush it out this morning and we got it this afternoon. I mean, you know. As long as I was using Thomas's card anyway."
I blinked. "You embezzled funds from the White Court to get me a present?"
"I like to think of it less as embezzling and more as an involuntary goodwill contribution," she said.
"Careful," I told her. "You don't want to get entangled with Lara and her crew. Even owing them money isn't smart."
"I didn't borrow it, boss. I stole it. If they weren't cautious enough to stop me, that isn't my problem. They should be more careful who they hand those cards to. Besides, they can afford it."
"The entitled younger generation, I swear," I said. "Well-done." I found a space big enough for the Munstermobile Munstermobile and parked, then set the emergency brake and killed the engine. "What is it?" and parked, then set the emergency brake and killed the engine. "What is it?"
Molly got out of the car. "Come see."
I started to, but she hurried impatiently around to meet me, digging into her backpack. I shut the car door behind me and she presented me with a paper-covered package tied with string.
I opened it by tearing paper and snapping string, and a long leather garment unrolled.
"Dunh nuh nah nah nunh," Molly sang, singing the opening riff from "Bad to the Bone."
I found myself smiling and held up a long coat of heavy black leather, like one of those old cowboy dusters, except for the long mantle hanging down over its shoulders. It smelled like new leather and shone without a scuff mark to be seen. "Where the hell did you find an Inverness coat?" I asked her.
"Internet," she said. "Security Guy helped me shop for it."
"You don't know his name?" I asked.
"His name is Guy, and he's building security," Molly said. "Security Guy."
"And he did this for you why?" I asked.
"Because I'm pretty and because he might have gotten a gift certificate out of the deal."
"Remind me to never give you one of my credit cards," I said, and I put the coat on.
The weight of the leather settling around me was familiar and comforting, but this coat wasn't the same as my old coat. The sleeves were a little longer, and fit better. The shoulders were a little narrower, and actually matched up with mine. The mantle hung down a bit more. The pockets were in a slightly different place. Most significantly, it didn't have the layers of protective enchantments that took about half a working week to lay down.
But...
Yeah, I decided. I could get used to it.
I looked up to see my apprentice grinning widely.
I put my hand on her shoulder for a moment, smiled, and said, "Thanks, Molls."