As I said before in the previous chapter, this author is really good in describing dilemmas and conflicting thoughts. And her grammar is god’s send. It really makes it easier for me to translate her works. Enjoy the chapter!
TL: clover
ED: clover
This was about a few months after I realized I was a siscon.
Nee-chan who slowly turned her consciousness to prepare for her entrance exam, was always studying in the living room until late at night.
However, on that day, she looked somewhat different than usual.
She seemed to be worrying about something by sighing out with a strangely dark expression.
Although she was holding study tools, it seemed that it had not advanced at all since a little while ago.
Nee-chan was so easy to understand because her emotions immediately showed on her face.
"Nee-chan, is there something wrong?"
"Eh!? No, there's nothing."
When I asked, Nee-chan shook her head as she raised her head and panicked.
"No matter how I look, it doesn't look like it's nothing."
"No, it's not really a big deal. Don't mind it, Soutarou."
Nee-chan's face became a bit red, then she cleaned up her studying tool to escape.
"I will go to bed a little early today, I will go back to my room first!"
After she grabbed her textbook and a collection of questions, Nee-chan went out of the living room quickly.
–What was that, that behaviour. It was like screaming that there were secret things.
Was that why she couldn't say it?
Feeling a little bit gloomy from Nee-chan's behaviors, I also stood up to go to my own room.
I noticed a smartphone falls around the sofa where Nee-chan was sitting.
That careless Nee-chan dropped it when she picked up her studying tools.
Seriously, it couldn't be helped. Should I deliver it to her?
I sighed a little and picked up the smartphone.
At that moment, the mobile phone vibrated and a notification screen appeared in the display.
『 About our conversation during the day, have you considered your reply? 』
It was written 'Naoto', which was a man's name, as the sender.
The moment I saw the message, my thoughts froze.
Has she been……confessed to? That Nee-chan?
A feeling I didn't understand creeped through my whole body.
I was suddenly feeling thirsty, my tongue seemed to stick in my mouth.
My heart thumped loudly.
That's right, Nee-chan was a 3rd grader in junior high school .
It wasn't strange that there was such thing like a crush or a boyfriend.
Not strange —- I thought so.
An unpleasant feeling of disgust that made me sick to my stomach was welling up.
I felt like I wanted to hit that guy named 'Naoto'.
—No way.
I didn't want Nee-chan to go out with someone.
I couldn't forgive another guy kissed or did more than that with her.
Only I could touch Nee-chan.
Thinking that far, suddenly I was taken aback.
—I, just now, what did I think?
My thoughts were unbelievable and frightening.
'Only I could touch Nee-chan', that wasn't something a brother should be thinking about.
No matter how much of a siscon I was, it was strange that I wanted to touch Nee-chan.
"…No way, right?"
Nee-chan's phone fell from my hand.
My hands trembled. I couldn't help but being scared of my idea.
I, don't tell me—I actually love Nee-chan?
Not as an older sister. But, as a woman.
Thinking of Nee-chan's smile, my heart seemed to thump louder.
That sounded like my answer, I shuddered.
I love Nee-chan.
That newly realized feeling developed a sense of terror in me.
Because, that kind of thing was not allowed.
I was Nee-chan's younger brother.
It didn't matter whether our blood was connected or not.
I was Nee-chan's younger brother. I had decided to become her younger brother.
I finally got a family — I couldn't afford to lose this warm place.
The image of my father leaving home flashbacked to my mind.
Families were easily broken.
—Next time, would I be the one to break my family?
"Uueegh…..!"
Intense feeling of nausea came up and I ran to the toilet.
I vomited everything in my stomach and pushed the toilet lever.
Haahaah, I breathed roughly.
"—This is not a joke."
My hands were trembling. My whole body was trembling.
I managed to sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm my mind somehow.
This feeling was useless.
I couldn't love Nee-chan.
If such feeling was known, what should I do?
Nee-chan had been seeking family for a long time. It was the same for me.
Finally, I got a family.
But even if I had a family, if it was known that I had such feelings for Nee-chan, everything would be for nothing.
Let's erase such feelings.
If I couldn't erase it, then I had to hide it so that it wouldn't be known.
"……Okay. It's okay."
I told myself that over and over.
I wasn't good at smoothing over my facial expressions.
But Nee-chan was dense, so if I hid it, she wouldn't notice my feelings.
Since mom and dad weren't in the house that much, they probably wouldn't even get an inkling of my actual feelings.
—It will be alright. I can hide it securely.
My fear calmed down a bit. My trembling stopped. I breathed out gently.
I went out of the toilet and went to the living room. Nee-chan's phone was still on the floor of the living room.
I picked it up with no expression.
That notification was still shown on the display screen.
I felt like throwing away this kind of thing.
Rather, I would like to delete this message secretly before Nee-chan saw it.
But I didn't do anything, I went to Nee-chan's room with her mobile phone in my hand.
I stood in front of Nee-chan's room. Before I knocked, I breathed in deeply and let out my breath.
When I knocked on the door, Nee-chan's reply came back from inside her room.
"Nee-chan, it's me."
"What is it, Soutarou?"
The door of her room opened, and Nee-chan poked out her head.
"You forgot this in the living room."
"Eh, uwaa, seriously!"
Seeing her mobile phone in my hand, Nee-chan rounded her eyes.
"Seriously, how careless."
I forced out a smile as I handed over the mobile phone to Nee-chan.
I wondered if I was smiling right now. I wondered if my hands were trembling.
"There seems to be a message."
I pretended to be as casual as possible and said such a thing.
Nee-chan's gaze dropped to her phone, and as she looked at the notification screen, she furrowed her brows.
"……Don't tell me, did you read it?"
I was lost for a moment as to how to answer that question.
I looked down for a moment to conceal my expression.
"I read it accidentally. I'm sorry."
"No, it's not something to apologize for, though. —I see, so you read it."
Nee-chan laughed with a complicated expression.
What kind of expression was that?
That guy, what did Nee-chan think about him?
Do you want to go out with him? Or refuse him?
I felt like I needed to ask her.
"To tell the truth, I was a bit worried about something. Can I consult it with you?"
"—Of course."
When I nodded, Nee-chan opened the door of her room and invited me into her room without any precaution.
Seeing her sitting on the bed, the unspeakable feelings rose up within me.
It would be so easy for me to push her down — such a thing, she would never have expected it.
Of course I wasn't going to do that, it was natural that she wouldn't feel wary about her own younger brother.
But, if it was the 'Naoto' guy, who she was conscious of him as a guy, would she be more wary?
"Well then—Nee-chan, what are you planning to do? You were confessed to, weren't you?"
No way, she wouldn't say that she would go out with him, would she?
Please don't, please tell me that you won't.
When I asked while wishing for such thing, Nee-chan rounded her eyes as if she was surprised.
"Eh, confession? No, that's not it, Soutarou. That's a misunderstanding!"
"Eh?"
—-A misunderstanding?
"But, about giving him your reply—"
"I wasn't being confessed to. It's a conversation about my friend. Since he wants to go out with my friend before graduation, I was asked whether I want to cooperate with him! It's a reply to that question."
Nee-chan said such a thing while her face was turning red.
Listening to her words, I felt like my strength was leaving my body.
What. So she wasn't being confessed to?
—That's a relief. Seriously, what a relief.
"Actually, my friend likes another person. So I can't cooperate with him, but I was wondering how to refuse him. I couldn't tell the feelings of my friend without her permission."
"……So that's what happened."
"How should I refuse him? What do you think, Soutarou?"
Suddenly I was shaken from my thoughts, I shook my head.
To be honest, after I knew that Nee-chan was not being confessed to, I was out of my mind in relief and didn't hear much.
"Hmm, I see. You couldn't say that you won't cooperate with him because it's troublesome, can you?"
"Eeh, wouldn't he be angry?"
"It's alright. Because it's okay to say that you don't want to meddle in other people's romantic affairs."
A guy who sent a confusing message should just finish it by himself without bothering Nee-chan.
"I see. Yeah, I see. Thank you, Soutarou. I will refuse him properly tomorrow."
"Yeah, that's better."
I nodded in agreement, then I saw Nee-chan's face.
Nee-chan didn't have a boyfriend right now. -But.
"Nee-chan, you don't have a person that you like in school?"
"Eh, I don't have someone like that–!"
"Then, have you been confessed to?"
"Me? No way, never!"
I breathed out deeply hearing Nee-chan's words.
However, I still couldn't feel relieved.
Nee-chan didn't seem to notice it, but Nee-chan had a pretty good face.
Maybe there were guys who were also aiming for Nee-chan.
"—Right, Nee-chan, didn't you tell me that your eyesight falls?"
"Eh, that's so sudden. But, yeah, well, it falls down a little bit."
"Then, let's go buy you a glasses next time."
To my sudden proposal, Nee-chan rounded her eyes.
"Eh, but, even if it falls down, it's not enough to buy a glasses, though?"
"You better not let your guard down. Because our eyesight could become bad at any moment."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah. That's why, let's go shopping together next holiday."
When I strongly suggested it, Nee-chan nodded her head in a reluctant manner.
I exhaled quietly.
If possible, I wanted to buy suitable glasses that hid her face.
Nee-chan wasn't really interested in fashionable designs, and if I succeeded in hiding her face in a simple manner, the number of people that confessed to her would be reduced.
Even if she couldn't be mine, please don't become anyone else's.
"It will be serious if your eyesight dropped. I'll pick one for you."
While holding such distorted thoughts, I laughed at Nee-chan's face.