"Yes. You know, we were not very pleased that she had married your father ... In fact, not in the least pleased."
"And why have you never mentioned this before?"
"Did you ask about it?"
"How can I ask about something that I have no idea about?"
There was silence at the other end of the line, then a quiet sniff or two.
Henryk changed the subject. "You haven't asked about Maria ..."
"How can I ask about somebody I know nothing about?"
They both put down the receiver offended.
Maria said that she could calculate the ascendant only on the basis of the exact place, day, hour, and minute of the birth, though she had heard of astrologers who were somehow able to calculate it from the subject's most important life events. She wrote to such an astrologer in Szeged, giving her the dates of the death of Henryk's mother, the disappearance of his father, his arrival in Hungary, and the date the two of them had first met. She was not satisfied with the answer (which had cost an astronomical ten thousand forints). "She says your ascendant is Aries. But I see nothing of Aries in you. Aries are fiery, liable to set their home ablaze, repeatedly dashing their heads against brick walls. Of course, you may be Aries nonetheless, but the planets in the twelve houses are so arranged that your ascendant is less typical of you than your Sun, that is, Pisces."
"Well, now, is that good or bad?"
"I can't put it like that. How interested are you in this?"
"Very."
Maria nodded and launched into a detailed explanation. She did not tell fortunes from the stars, she only drew conclusions about the subject's personality. That is, certain basic traits, with which the subjects can do what they wish and are able to. In her view one's horoscope influences the nature of one's fate no more than some 25 percent; the rest is down to genes, family background, upbringing, and self-development. Be that as it may, those born under the sign of Pisces have some difficulty in negotiating the boundary between themselves and the world. They are often lonely. Being the twelfth sign, the most complex, it yields the most sophisticated personalities. Pisces generally evince some sensitivity to art, perhaps even some artistic ability; there are, for example, many musicians among them. "They put on the pounds easily ... though you show no sign of that yet. Have you heard of Enrico Caruso?"
"No."
"He was a world-famous opera singer. Some say the greatest tenor of all time. He is a Pisces. I mean his Sun is. Then there is Elizabeth Taylor. Or Zoran. Have you heard of him?"
"No."
"He's a Hungarian rock singer. Then there is, let me see, Sharon Stone. You must know who she is."
"How come you know so many people's sign?"
"I've looked them up in Who's Who Who's Who. These days I can sometimes tell just from the face. Especially Scorpios, Virgos, and Geminis."
Henryk took extensive notes from Dane Rudhyar's The Astrology of Personality The Astrology of Personality, which he found on Maria's bookshelves. He still found it easier to read English than Hungarian. Astrology was again something that he reveled in, which made his spine tingle, though his doubts were never allayed. How can one claim that a person's character could, even in part, depend on where and when he was born? Well ... surely you can't. At the same time it was beyond doubt that the Moon is implicated in the movement of the tides and the menstrual cycle, yet it is one of the smallest planet-like objects of all. Can one then say for certain that the heavenly bodies do not not have any influence over us? Well ... surely you can't. have any influence over us? Well ... surely you can't.
He tried hard to memorize the order of the signs of the zodiac, to master them like a poem: Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer ... Here he always got stuck and had to sneak a look at his notes to continue: Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio ... Again he needed help: Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces. He could not understand why he was unable to hammer into his brain these twelve words, let alone the dates of each. He envied Maria and her memory of cast iron: whatever that girl once set eyes on, or heard, or experienced, it was forever seared on her brain. Before the sculptor Jozsef, Maria had been in love with a Danish boy and had learned Danish for his sake-in effect in two months (the list of rarer verb forms was still pinned to the toilet door). Henryk failed to make any inroads even on the Magyar vocabulary he targeted.
"If you are so troubled by your poor memory, why don't you develop it?" asked Maria. "You can improve every aspect of yourself, it's just a question of willpower."
On her instructions, Henryk started by memorizing lists of numbers, and then progressed to names. He began to feel he was making some headway.
Maria did not move in with him, nor did she let him share the workshop-cum-flat with her. "It would be a bad omen."
"Amen?"
"Omen. Sign, premonition. I think it's Greek. Or Latin."
"But surely we know each other now!"
"Not well enough. I still don't know what the most import ant thing in life is for you."
"You."
"Don't be silly! I'm serious."
"Only you could ask a question like that. And right away you make me feel like some stupid toddler."
"A toddler would be able to answer on his or her level. Think about it."
Eventually what I came up with was that you should be happy. Whereupon she says: who is the "you"? I replied: "Me." Whereupon she: "A selfish view, but OK. So what is needed to make you happy?"This again was a typical Maria question. I gave her the list: "Money, then good health, a secure family background, I guess that's about it. Now what about you?"She looked grave. Because we don't agree on anything. The things I mentioned are, in her view, cliche ideals of petty bourgeois life. Health is like the air: it doesn't make you happy as long as you can breathe it, in fact you barely notice it. She would not put a secure family background here either, because in the end you must count on yourself.In her view it's not these sorts of thing that you need for happiness, but abstract things, for example: firm and consistently followed moral principles, then knowledge, willpower, endurance. And good fortune. She was sorry that I hadn't learned even that much yet. She could hardly marry me.When she said this to my face, I ran home and wept. I knew she was right, in a way. But I also knew I wanted her as much as I ever wanted anything or anyone. I turned on my heels and went back. I bounded up to the fifth floor to knock on the workshop door. I knew what I wanted to say to her.
"If I have not learned enough, teach me; if I am not perfect, love me!" Henryk practiced the words as the black iron door opened.
Maria let him in.
"Now do you know me well enough to ...?" Henryk asked at breakfast.
"Maybe. But you don't know me well enough yet. You idealize me, although I have many bad qualities."
"For instance?"
"Excessive self-assurance. The firm conviction that I must continually educate everyone. A degree of pedantry. Poor time management. But I am an Aquarius, not very practical, as you know."
Henryk loved Maria's faults, too, even if these sometimes annoyed him. He had occasion to discover that Maria's bad qualities were just the same as her good ones. The self-assurance was handy when it came to dealing with officials and businesses. Her enthusiasm for teaching people was what made it possible for Henryk to learn from her. Pedantry and knowledge were fruits of the same tree. With the lack of practicality came the purity of her soul.
Following this train of thought he came to realize that probably everyone's faults are the same as their virtues. He tried to look at himself in this light. He was relatively slow (i.e., thorough and determined). His self-confidence was low (i.e., modest and careful). He was not well educated (i.e., had a thirst for knowledge). His memory was rubbish (i.e., quick to forgive).
He felt his relationship to Maria was growing ever closer, despite the fact that she continued to keep him very much at arm's length. Most worryingly, Maria insisted on spending two nights out of four, on average, in her workshop-flat, and on those nights Henryk had to sadly tramp home alone. At the mere mention of the word marriage her eyes flashed fire: "No. Not yet."
Once, in bed, Henryk asked her: "If you became pregnant, would you marry me?"
"It would guarantee that I wouldn't."
"Oh, my ... Now that I really don't get!"
"But it's simple. If we have a child and are married, in case of divorce we would fight over the child. If we are not married, it can't happen. You could not do anything to me."
"But why would I want to do anything to you?"
"In your case, that's really hairy. You might one day decide to go back to America, you'd take the child with you ..."
"Oh, Maria, what a weird view you have of things!"
"A realistic view. It may be hard to imagine now, but all my girlfriends are divorced and I have seen how it reduces people to the level of animals."
"But look at the many pluses of marriage: the security, the sharing of everything we have; even in the case of divorce, under Hungarian law half of everything is yours!"
"I told you I am not materialistic."
Henryk thought his head would burst, like an over-inflated football. What a setup! Every girl longs to get married, the only exception being the girl whom fate had brought him together with. He guessed it would be pointless to argue; he would just bounce off Maria's iron will. There was nothing for it but to accept her as she was.
The ease with which Maria gave birth to my son almost suggested she had been practicing. Konrad Csillag came into the world on April 14, 1996, weighing two and a half kilos and measuring forty-eight centimeters in length. In the MaV ( (Railwaymen's) Hospital the consultant thought it would be advisable to place him in an incubator. But Maria refused her consent, saying it was unnecessary. She was right. Little Konrad flourished and ten days later we were allowed to take him home. By then Grammy had safely arrived and joyfully embraced her great-grandson, admitting that she had not thought she would live to see this day Hospital the consultant thought it would be advisable to place him in an incubator. But Maria refused her consent, saying it was unnecessary. She was right. Little Konrad flourished and ten days later we were allowed to take him home. By then Grammy had safely arrived and joyfully embraced her great-grandson, admitting that she had not thought she would live to see this day.We notified Maria's parents, too, but they did not come. They are as angry with Maria for not getting married as I am. Although I am no longer angry. I have accepted that nothing involving her is straightforward. Only her grandmother Erzsi came up from Hodmezovasarhely. Grammy was still with us. I thought they would get on well, but they avoided each other in some hostility. Erzsi was constantly checking my son's horoscope ( (Aries, with Taurus in the ascendant); she perhaps devoted more time to this than to little Konrad.
By then they were living in urom, in a detached house that was three-quarters ready. Maria's studio was to be in the loft, Henryk's office in the basement, but these were still at the blueprint stage. The regulars of HEJED Co. were supposed to finish the work in the house, but the firm was so inundated with work that work on their home was continually put back. In the ground-floor lounge Henryk built a fireplace of undressed stone, a carbon copy of the one in Maria's flat. He thought he would not be able to get hold of a genuine bellows, poker, and fire tongs in Hungary, but was amazed to spot a set at Budapest's Ecseri flea-market. Some enterprising Hungarian was (re)producing them by the dozen.
The colder half of the year was nearly over, but Henryk was glad to light a fire in the evenings. It pleased him to show Maria how well the flue was working. He could watch for hours as the flames encroached upon the logs of crackling wood. A joyful end, to turn into light and warmth, he reflected.
The dogs took possession of the garden, digging out and chewing up the flora. Maria was not bothered too much. "We'll sort out the garden when we have time."
But they didn't have time for quite a while, as the newcomer took up their every moment. For the moment, Henryk neglected HEJED Co., but Jeff and Doug took it in their stride. They preferred to throw a few one-liners at him: "When we have a child, neither of us will come in to work for a bit!"
Maria wanted Konrad baptized. Henryk did not understand. "But you are constantly on at the church!"
"Doesn't mean he should be denied holy water."
"What's the point?"
"What's the point of brushing your teeth?"
Again, Henryk gave up on this debate. But he insisted that either Jeff or Doug should be his godfather. Maria raised no objection. "But which of them?"
"Let them decide."
"Both of us!" Jeff decided.
So my son had two godfathers in the persons of my dear friends and business partners. As for a godmother, we asked Maria's childhood friend Olga to do the honors.The business did not languish while I was employed as a father full-time; on the contrary! Doug had done some sniffing around and discovered that state grants were now available for refurbishing the old castles of Hungary, and we were successful in applying for some.At present we are working on five sites, in Hungary and in Transylvania. I never imagined it was possible to make money out of something you enjoyed doing. As a result of our work, the past is re-created in stone and wood, so that it continues to endure.The faraway U.S. becomes an increasingly faint memory. Sometimes I feel as if I had only dreamed those years, that is to say, in effect the whole of my childhood and youth. And now I can be certain that I am going to live here, as long as God, Fate, fortune, heaven, and all the stars allow it ... or? Here was born my son; when the time comes, let him bury me here, in the land of my fathers.
Konrad was called Tapshi by his mother and sometimes Flopsy by his father, which means almost the same. Konrad did indeed resemble a little rabbit, especially in the way he blinked. His legs tended toward an O-shape, and during diaper changes he joyfully kicked out into the air, like some battery-driven toy.
He began to roll about, crawl, speak, and walk much earlier than the books suggested. Henryk was seized by an uncontrollable urge to record every moment. He photographed, videotaped, sound-recorded, and also made notes in his "Papa et cetera" file. Hence it is possible to know that the first coherent sentence uttered by his son was, "We goin ford and back!," a fair analysis of the motion of his pram.
He was soon amazing his parents. At a year and a half, he was able to recall and recite stories he had heard, word for word. Poems heard a few times also came out exactly as the originals, and again and again. Numbers stayed in his memory just like words. He certainly hasn't taken after me, thought Henryk.
Konrad was also a sensation at the nursery. He solved jigsaws and puzzles with ease; he proved an ace with buttons and shoelaces. In the nursery he was always the one who recited the poem or sang the song at special events and occasions. His drawings graced the walls.
He was not yet three when one afternoon he was found in the basement-by then Henryk's office had been finally completed-sitting in front of the computer, pressing the keys on the keyboard.
"What are you doing?" asked Henryk.
"Dwawing."
He was indeed using a drawing program: on the screen a square house was taking shape.
"Have they got a computer in the nursery?" Henryk used the English word.
"No."
"But then ... how do you know how to do this?"
"You know how!"
The parents could hardly believe it. Konrad had watched them start the computer, and this was not the first time he was amusing himself with it. When Henryk reported this to Jeff and Doug, Jeff nodded and said: "Soon as he's out of the nursery, he's got a place on the board!"
The square house was repeatedly drawn by Konrad and began to resemble a fortress.
"What is this?" asked Henryk.
"Fortwess."
"What?"
"Fortwess. Wot owd people wivd in."
"Where did you see such a thing?"
Konrad put his index finger to his brow.
Jeff and Doug are right, thought Henryk, he's going to be an architect.
That summer, as he entered his fourth year, Konrad learned the shapes of the capital letters all by himself. From his mother he got a little notebook with a tiny lock. On the first page he wrote, in red, green, and blue crayon: PAPA MEIK HOUS.
MAMA MEIK KAPET.
END I REIT.
These three lines were endlessly quoted by his parents to each other and to their friends.
On the cover he later wrote in drunken letters: BOOK OFFTEIRS.
"What do you mean, Book of Tears?"
"Book of Fathers!" Konrad corrected him and what he had written on the book: BOOK OFFATEIRS.
"But why?"
"I want. Like you have 'Papa et cetera.'"
Henryk blanched. "How do you know that?"
"In the machine."
"You've read it?!"
"Oh, Papa, donno no small letters!"