171 Always Regarded As A Freak
"Ta Lai… is a soul splitter from the Gate of Heaven?"
Bian Ying nodded. "Not only Ta Lai, Du Yue too. Even Si Luo and Gaoqin Jiuye, they were all soul splitters from the Gate of Heaven."
Recalling what Ta Lai said previously, I began to realize why he approached me in the first place.
Bian Ying moved her feet, creating ripples in the water. Jiao S continued to listen quietly with a poker face.
"You can probably guess what happened next. Ta Lai tried all ways and means to save me from Cang Ming, to no avail. He realized that the best way to make me complete again is to look for another individual with double identity disorder just like me."
I tried to suppress my shock at this. "But, my personality is still mine. So, how could it help to make you complete?"
Bian Ying sighed. "That's right. This is why Ta Lai began to look for ways to extract the essence of the consciousness - he wants to extract the essence of your other personality. This means he wants to erase all memory from your other personality, and use it to make me complete again. He needs time to find a way to do so, and that's why he requested for you not to leave the Split Zone.
"He probably hurt Nie Zun in an attempt to push you into a corner, since you're like me, where your other personality will appear only under great pressure. So that could've been his attempt at luring your other personality out.
"I don't know if he has found a way to extract the essence of the consciousness since I haven't seen him in a long while now. I don't know how far he has gone for me either."
I tried to calm myself down as I took this all in.
"If everything you say is true, then whatever he does, he did it all for you. So, why are you telling me all this?" I asked coldly.
Bian Ying's eyes widened as she looked into the distance with eyes that looked adrift. "Because I don't agree with whatever he's doing. Too many people have sacrificed themselves for me, the kind Cang Ming turned into someone bloodthirsty, so how can I let Ta Lai turn into a monster because of me?
"I can't do anything else but stay by Cang Ming's side. So I'm really happy that you guys are here now."
Though I did believe her, I still laughed at this. With a frigid smile on my face, I kept looking at her, forcing her to eventually shift her gaze and meet my eyes.
"Maybe, you have another reason for doing so."
"In the years that you've been by Cang Ming's side, you realized that you've already fell in love with him, and that you no longer feel the same for Ta Lai. You want to stop all this because you don't want to leave Cang Ming."
My voice echoed through the forest and Jiao S's eyes widened as she heard what I said.
Bian Ying's gaze wavered, her hands slowly balling up into fists.
After a while, she looked at me with sorrow. "That's right. I've fallen in love with Cang Ming, but I still love Ta Lai. I know you'd probably look down on me for this, but it's the truth. I don't want to leave Cang Ming, but at the same time, I can't bear to see Ta Lai do all this for me."
I suddenly felt sorry for Bian Ying.
Even in the real world, it was not impossible to fall in love with more than one person at the same time. Though there are those who think that we would only love only one person at any one time, there would always be exceptions.
Bian Ying's feelings hurt both Cang Ming and Ta Lai, but she would be in the most pain.
How should she choose, who should she protect? How can someone with a broken consciousness, a broken personality choose?
I said softly, "Does Ta Lai know this…"
Bian Ying's gaze darkened. "I'm sure he knows how I feel towards Cang Ming, but he stubbornly thinks that I had a change of heart because I have an incomplete consciousness. This is why he is trying his best to make my consciousness complete again."
"Is your consciousness never going to recover once it's devoured by Piercer? Can't Piercer return it to you?"
Bian Ying laughed sadly. "Piercer was created with the body belonging to a female soul, and she had a lot of hatred in her. She even cursed Zou An and his wife, so how could anyone be able to separate my consciousness from Piercer?"
"What do you mean by she even cursed Zou An and his wife?"
"You said Ah Wen died, and even though there probably are external factors at play, I think a large part of it has to do with Piercer. You said Zou An hates you now, but in reality, this is karma for them. I've entered the body of Piercer previously, and nobody will know it better than I do. She hates Zou An and his wife, so Ah Wen's death definitely has something to do with her.
"As for why Piercer landed in your hands, I suggest you might want to look into this thoroughly, because no matter what, Piercer will not bring any luck to its bearer. Anyone who gives Piercer to you must have a deep hatred for you."
But Zou An and his wife were the ones who gave Piercer to me, and even that was under Jie Pa's recommendation. There's no way Jie Pa would hurt me. Zou An said he was forced to do so by You Ji, but did You Ji hate me so much? Was it just because she was jealous?
Jiao S suddenly spoke in that hoarse voice of hers, "Both of you have missed the most important point here.
"The point is that if both Ah Shen and you have double identity disorder, then it should be impossible for a split symbol to be engraved on Ah Shen as well. If that's the case, then why was Gaoqin Jiuye able to engrave a split symbol on Ah Shen?"
Her question seemed to have created a sudden explosion in my heart, bringing me back to the current situation!
I looked at the two of them. Bian Ying looked calm, as if she had already anticipated such a question.
"This is why I'm telling you the truth.
"There's not much use in sharing my story, since the most you can do is to be wary of Ta Lai from now on. But looking at the situation now, you might be experiencing the exact same thing I did years ago, and I just couldn't bear to see it."
A bitter feeling overcame me. "Why would you feel for a stranger like me?"
Bian Ying looked at me with glistening eyes. "Stranger? You seem to be the only one who understands how I feel. As someone with double identity disorder, we've always been considered freaks. Even in this world, we aren't able to fit in. How can ordinary heirs or soul splitters understand such solitude?
"Don't you understand, Li Shen? Even in the Split Zone, you and I are still freaks who don't fit in. To survive here, both of us have to sacrifice others in order to find a place for ourselves. Who else would understand this better than you can?"
A tear rolled down Bian Ying's cheek.
I felt as if I was about to be suffocated.
To survive here, both of us have to sacrifice others in order to find a place for ourselves.
I closed my eyes, trying to stop thinking about this.
I heard Bian Ying's voice continue, "You're in a worse plight. At least I'm aware of all that had happened and who had actually sacrificed themselves for me to be able to live peacefully here. But based on what you've said earlier, you had no idea about this. You don't know who sacrificed themselves for you in order for you to have this power, or even this life here now.
"Li Shen, I don't know much about Gaoqin Jiuye as he was always mysterious and even more unpredictable than Cang Ming. Even in the Gate of Heaven, no one knows his true abilities. A long time ago, when Si Luo, one of the most powerful soul splitters in the Gate of Heaven, suddenly decided to leave the Northern District and the Gate of Heaven, Gaoqin Jiuye followed him without a second thought.
"The next time I saw Gaoqin Jiuye, it was in the Southern District. At that time, my consciousness had been devoured by Piercer as I was on my way back to the Northern District. Because of that, Cang Ming massacred the Southern District as he wanted to look for Zou An and his wife for revenge. It was Gaoqin Jiuye who saved the couple, and I've never seen him again after that.
"He has never broken his oath of re-entering the Northern District. But now that he's here, no matter who he did this for, I knew there was more to this when I saw you."
I interrupted Bian Ying, "You were saying that Gaoqin Jiuye had great MF since a long time ago?"
Bian Ying nodded. "Yes, Gaoqin wasn't as strong as Cang Ming, but he's also unique. I can't say too much, but just know that Gaoqin Jiuye can still survive and live well even without engraving a split symbol.
"Since he had decided to follow Si Luo and not come back to the Northern District to participate in the territorial disputes among the soul splitters, why did he need to establish a split symbol contract? And even if he did want to do so, why did he have to choose someone like you with double identity disorder?
"I don't know the reasons or the truth behind this, but I believe that Gaoqin would have his reasons. I look towards Gaoqin as a friend, and I can tell that he has a place in your heart as well. I believe you don't wish for others to sacrifice themselves for you while you're in the dark about it, right?
"You might want to look into this, Li Shen."
My fists were balled up so tightly that my nails were digging into my palms, and blood was already dripping down my hands.
Gaoqin Jiuye, what's all this? I thought you didn't know me? Aren't you unrelated to Gao Qi?
I was terrified of this suddenly. If everything happening here can affect Gao Qi, even just a little, how could I still face myself?
Bian Ying's words continued ringing in my head.
To survive here, both of us have to sacrifice others in order to find a place for ourselves.