132 I'm No Saint
"I have something to tell her, could you let us speak in private for a moment?" Mi Fu turned to Jiao S, giving her a cold look.
Jiao S did not budge even an inch.
"No," she said hoarsely. Mi Fu's face turned even redder at this.
"What's up with you guys. I know you hate me for being stubborn and arrogant, but I hate you guys too!" Mi Fu pointed an angry finger at me and Jiao S.
"I know I'm stubborn, but so what! Once I like someone, I'll keep liking that one person forever! Can you do it? Hey, Li Shen, where's your Nie Zun? Why isn't he by your side? I'm stubborn but I'm not afraid of loving someone! It's obvious that you like Nie Zun, but you just don't dare admit it. He used those monstrous hands of his to strangle me that time, all for you!"
Mi Fu even used her hands to reenact the scene, as if to recall that horrible memory.
"Are you going to abandon Nie Zun who could turn into someone so scary all because he wanted to protect you?" She said angrily, as if she could not stand seeing anyone give up on love.
Mi Fu, must I be like you who can charge forward bravely and not give up on your love? You don't carry any burden because others are carrying that burden for you!
But why was I speechless when faced with these accusations of hers?
Jiao S scoffed, "You're really brave huh. Do you even know the price Huan Qing paid to protect this love of yours?"
I looked at Jiao S, signaling for her to stop.
Although I did not look kindly upon Mi Fu, I remember Huan Qing telling me that she was not aware of what he did, and he did not want me revealing anything to her. Even though I did not like Mi Fu, I respected Huan Qing's wishes.
Mi Fu's arrogant expression turned slightly gloomy as Huan Qing was mentioned.
I looked at her, wondering to myself if this little girl suspected anything.
"This is why I'm looking for you guys," Mi Fu said in a lowered pitch. It was not as grating on the ears as before.
"Although I don't understand all that's happening, I know Gaoqin Jiuye was trying to take my life, but I don't know why he wanted to do such a thing. Huan Qing Gege and Ku Fei Gege don't tell me anything, they simply tell me not to be scared and not to worry, but I'm not an idiot. There has to be something going on here." Mi Fu's expression darkened.
I sighed inwardly. Though she had always been under the protection of others and kept in the dark about this, what did she do wrong? She's just a victim who didn't even know the truth.
"Although I don't know the truth of the matter, I know that these things likely happened because of me. I hope you can tell me the truth." Mi Fu looked up at me.
Before I could speak, Jiao S replied, "You're only asking now? Don't you think that's too pretentious of you?"
Mi Fu gritted her teeth, but she did not argue. "You guys will never understand how I feel. To you, I might just be a scaredy-cat who knows only to hide and be protected. Do you think I'm happy about this? Everyone is keeping things from me, and I can only pretend to be happy because I don't want them to worry. Do you think I'm happy when I don't know the truth and I can't do anything to help?"
I was silent. What she said made sense.
It was as if the world was always on the side of the protectors, and if those being protected were not grateful, they would simply be abandoned.
I like bananas, but you gave me an apple, and I don't actually want it.
But you continue giving them to me.
To the point that others can no longer stand it, and start saying that I am ungrateful.
But I simply like bananas.
Sometimes, the ones being protected might not be having an easy time either.
There are just too many rules in this world. You have yours and I have mine. It is difficult to reach a consensus and to be truly fair.
"I agree with you on this, but have you ever thought that even if you're not having an easy time, this is life? You have a right to pursue love, just like what you said to Li Shen, you feel that she doesn't love Nie Zun enough and cannot be like you, but have you ever thought of things from her angle? You're definitely steadfast in your pursuit of love, but have you ever wondered if your perseverance had hurt others?" Jiao S sounded like she was preaching.
I was more and more impressed by Jiao S. I had never expected that this woman, whom I initially thought was a crazed murderer, would actually be my soulmate in the Split Zone, someone who knows my thoughts and understands me.
Even the unreasonable Mi Fu was at a loss for words.
Jiao S cracked her neck, and her gaze was unfathomable. "I used to be like you. I thought love was to chase after something, to have it for myself. But in reality, there's a price to pay for the wrong kind of love."
A moment of hesitation flashed past Mi Fu's eyes, but she regained her steadfast look very quickly. "Even if you're right, I'm not going to give up on Ku Fei Gege. Up until now, the happiest moments of my life have all been spent with him. I have a feeling that if I miss him this time, there would be nobody else who can give me such happiness. Sometimes, there's only one person in the entire world who can give you such happiness, and you won't even want take a second look at others. No matter what price I have to pay, I will not leave Ku Fei Gege."
"Why are you so cruel to him then?" I recalled the first time I saw her, when she was torturing Ku Fei without hesitation.
She tilted her chin arrogantly as she looked up, and there was a hint of pain in her eyes. "I want him to remember me, I want to be involved in every moment of his life. He might just run away if I'm not careful."
I nodded. "Since you like him so much and have decided to follow him, why have you come to us asking about this? You have to make a choice. Your fate might change if you learn about certain things, but you might also lose that steadfast attitude towards your love. How would you choose if they were in conflict?"
Mi Fu looked slightly distressed. "I've thought about this for a long time. If they've put so much effort in keeping this from me, they must have had sacrificed some things."
"What if Ku Fei isn't affected by this?" I asked abruptly.
Mi Fu's eyes sparkled. "Really? Whatever they're keeping from me won't hurt Ku Fei Gege, right? Ku Fei Gege won't get hurt because of me, right?"
"Yes." I nodded, keeping my eyes on her, observing her expressions.
She looked worried at first, but relaxed once she heard that this would not hurt Ku Fei. However, as she thought of how it could possibly hurt another person, she had that worried look again, as if she was in a dilemma.
In a dilemma.
She was in a dilemma, she was hesitating.
I looked at her without blinking, not wanting to miss any of her expressions. I was curious how such a pampered little girl would make her decision.
"Do you still want to know the truth?" I asked.
Mi Fu wrung her hands in front of her pink dress, looking distressed.
Since she was kept in the dark even if it did not hurt Ku Fei, this meant that it would hurt Huan Qing, but she did not know how much Huan Qing did for her.
She wants to know the truth, but at the same time, she is afraid that her feelings for Ku Fei might be shaken after hearing it.
Logically, I should have tried to lead her towards considering Huan Qing's position if I wanted Huan Qing to take her away, for her to leave the Split Zone.
For some reason, I did not do that. Instead, I could see how determined she was in her love towards Ku Fei.
Was this because I hoped for someone else to accomplish what I was never able to do?
Even if I wanted her to leave, there were still other methods available. I could respect her decision on this.
As expected, after thinking for a long time, she looked at me resolutely. "It's fine, I don't need to know the truth anymore. I don't think you guys were prepared to reveal anything anyway. Sorry for the trouble. Just do what you guys want. I'll trust in Huan Qing Gege and Ku Fei Gege."
On the surface, she is acting as if she is unwilling to listen to us and does not trust us, but in fact, she understood what I meant, and she feels guilty for it. She was consoling herself by telling herself that everything is fine as long as it does not harm Ku Fei.
She looked at Jiao S and I once more with complex emotions in her eyes, before running away.
"Is it good for you to do this? Didn't you want her to leave the Split Zone? Now, she's even more committed in her decision," Jiao S asked.
I smiled, and looked in the direction of where Mi Fu went.
After a while, my smile faded. "Even if I told her the truth, I'm afraid that she might not choose to leave Ku Fei for Huan Qing's sake. She looked like she was in a dilemma, and this proves that she might waver after knowing the truth. However, if I tried to steer her in the direction of selfishly choosing love, she'd have to face Huan Qing with a guilty conscience. Infatuation will fade, but love can grow over time. While she's feeling guilty, I'll be looking for a suitable juncture to reveal the truth. At that point, she'll definitely choose to leave with Huan Qing."
Jiao S looked rather surprised at this. "Seems like the serious Li Shen is definitely no saint…"
I gave her a wry smile.
Saint? There's no word that describes me as inaccurately as this. I'm a devil.