"You listen to me-you were born to two operatives. You have espionage in your blood. You're a warrior. Whether you use those traits to tip yourself toward the good side or the bad side is your own business. Your own choice."
Gunner pushed his plate away. "Not always."
"I can't say anything right today, can I?" she asked.
"You're just talking truth, Avery. No right or wrong in that."
"I know you did what you did for me," she said. "I would've done the same thing for you."
He saw the truth of that in her gaze. Her cheeks flushed and she looked so serious.
"I should never have let you leave that hotel room. I'm responsible for that. If I'd begged you to stay . . ."
"I want to say I would've, but that's easier to say than to do," he admitted.
"I wish we could forget our pasts, but that's what makes us who we are. You know that, Gunner. And even though you say you don't know who you are, I know. Mike and Andy know. Josie did too. Jem, Dare, Key and Grace. Are we all easily fooled? Are we all that wrong?"
"I don't want you to be," Gunner said.
Avery moved closer. Stood. Took Gunner's hand. "I'm done telling you. I'm going to show you."
She unbuttoned her shirt and let it drop off her shoulders as she waited in front of him. The tattoo he'd given her . . . from the moment he'd laid eyes on her, he'd pictured those flowers on her, a beauty that belied strength.
Now he ran his palms over his handiwork as she watched him.
"Why do you still believe in me?" he asked.
"Because if roles were reversed, you'd never stop believing in me."
He traced the tattoos he'd inked onto her skin, a perfect blossoming that trailed along her side, licking her rib cage, teasing her breast.
"If we'd been alone that night . . ."
She smiled at the memory. "For a while, we were. And now it's like you're always with me. No matter if you push me away, you're still here."
"Damn you," he whispered.
"You were the one who did it. And don't tell me you didn't know what you were doing."
He'd known. From the second he'd hand-drawn the flowers on her skin, he'd known. "I was a fool to try to give you up."
"Yes, you were. Promise you'll never do it again, no matter what."
"How about I show instead of tell?" He stood, grabbed her around the waist and picked her up. "Bedroom's too far."
"So impatient," she chided.
"For you, yes." He got her onto the soft leather couch, crawled over her. "Need you naked."
She raised her arms so he could pull off the T-shirt. He did, then immediately locked his mouth onto a nipple, rolling it between his teeth and tongue until she arched and called out his name.
His hand slid down her belly, into the wet heat between her thighs.
"I'm not going to last," she warned.
"Good. Planning on making you come several times," he assured her.
She was tugging at his jeans, helping him out of them, telling him she needed him inside her.
"I've got to get-"
"Forget it. I'm on the pill. And I've only been with you," she told him.
"You're the first in a long time, Avery. Before I left and after."
She spread her legs around him and took him inside her. He shuddered as he went deep and she raked her nails lightly down his arms. He locked his gaze with her as their movements got frantic, until she was coming hard with him inside her.
It took everything not to come-not yet. He waited until she was coming down from her orgasm, pulled out and away slightly. And then he rolled her to her belly, lifted her hips and entered her again. She was still hot and wet and her body gripped him. "Fuck, your pussy feels so good."
Her response was a long, low moan. Her body bowed as she moved against him. He lowered his face, licked between her shoulder blades, tasting her soap, the salt of her skin. He rutted against her and she gave back as good as she got. The night air from the open screen door settled around them, the stars glittered in the sky and he'd come home again.
Not many people got more than one shot. He wasn't letting this one slip through his fingers.
Avery traced the bruises along his cheek. She'd replaced the bandage on his split lip before she'd gotten comfortable against him again. She'd seen the contusions on his body and she realized she'd do it again-let Jem do it-if it meant ending up like this.
"That wasn't an act you were putting on at first, was it?" she asked quietly.
"No, not really. Did I scare you?"
"Yes," she admitted. "You were good at that."
"I guess that's some kind of compliment." He took her hand in his. "You were pretty badass yourself."
"I doubt my interrogation skills will be of much use in the future."
"Well, no, I'm not letting you use your best technique on anyone but me," he told her, tugging her back into his lap. "Because that was hot. For torture, of course."
"Of course," she murmured.
He leaned in and kissed the side of her neck, then nipped, then licked. She shivered. "I'm so easy for you."
"Nothing about this is easy, baby." He pulled back. "I never liked easy."
"Is that why you put yourself right back into Louisiana after you left the SEALs?"
There wasn't going to be any getting out of this. He'd known the interrogation wasn't really over when he'd left that room where she and Jem had him tied. It was just taking on a different-necessary-form. "I didn't come back to New Orleans right away. I stayed here for a while after Josie was killed."
"Why did you move back?"
"To test myself. To see if I'd really been burned. I'd always have to look over my shoulder. I just wanted to know how much."
Avery nodded and he continued. "I wanted to be . . . close to her again. Closer to my family. And yeah, I realize how stupid that sounds."
"Doesn't sound that way at all," she said. "Mike and Andy are glad you came back. They don't blame you."
"How could they not?"
"Because it wasn't your fault."
"Yeah, it was. And no matter how good they were to me, how much I loved Josie, I should've left. Especially because of those reasons and no matter how hard they protested. I brought terrible danger to their doors. I knew it would happen, and trust me, I hated being right about that." He paused. "And then I brought it back to you."
"Jem and I were the ones who kidnapped you."
"I went to your hotel. I shouldn't have done that."
"If you hadn't, I still would've found you."
"Yeah, I bet you would've."
She traced a finger along his collarbone as he sank back into that world again. He was still close enough to taste it-dangerously so-and he expanded on what he'd told her earlier. Maybe it was an attempt to justify what he'd done, an attempt to justify Landon, to explain the man.
Drew Landon smuggled people-but people who wanted to be smuggled, mainly criminals and their families, drug lords and the like. He'd found his niche, and it worked well with his ability to counterfeit most major IDs and documents from all kinds of agencies around the world. He was well connected and built upon that in order to become the best at what he did.
He justified that the men and women he smuggled away from justice would eventually be caught-he was just taking their money, because someone had to. Plus, as Landon pointed out, sometimes he'd be helping out good people, those in witness protection who no longer trusted the government to keep them safe.
Gunner had once told him he wouldn't know any of the finer things if they bit him in the ass. He'd waited to get slapped. Put in his place.
He'd gotten fucking kindness. He'd vandalized Landon's place. Stolen from him. Gotten drunk. Acted like a wild kid. Acted like himself.
Landon let him, waited him out. Gave him things he'd needed in order to help with Landon's business. He gave him skills and an outlet-taking out bad guys.
"There are different grades of bad. And that's a seductive way to put it-I might be bad but I'm not hurting anyone." Gunner shook his head, rubbed the tattoos snaking up the side of his neck. "I believed what I wanted to believe. Landon didn't make me that person. I made me that person. I didn't give a fuck about anyone or anything. And Landon liked me that way. I'd go anywhere, do anything. Blowing shit up was my favorite thing to do. If a human trafficker was involved, even better."
"You were young," Avery told him.
"I should've known better." He'd grown up in the world of shade, because no operative could ever be squarely on the side of the right. His mom tried. Once he was old enough to notice this dynamic, he'd watched her drag herself home, half distraught. By morning, the distress would be gone, the surface smoothed and calm. But Gunner knew now that under the surface, nothing ever truly settled.
"What made you get out?"
He laughed then. She was staring at him like he'd lost his mind. "I didn't leave. He kicked me out and I tried to get back in. I assumed he'd had me beaten as a warning. To teach me a lesson."
"Sounds about right."
"Except he says he never ordered that. And he claims he didn't touch Josie."
"Why call you back for that particular job?"
"To finish what I started when I fucked up the first time. A chance to make it right. To get back in. I don't know." He rubbed his face. "I was out of it for eleven months. I was in love with Josie. But I missed the action. So I figured, finish the job. Prove myself, and then I could get back in. Do it in moderation. But fuck, it doesn't work that way. And I never wanted anything to happen to Josie."
"I know, Gunner. No matter what, I know that."
"I thought I could have the best of both worlds."
"Sometimes you can, Gunner."
"I took a chance with her life. I never thought . . . If I was going to work for him, why would he . . ."
"How did he find you?"
"I took the SIM card from my cell phone before they destroyed it. He never canceled the phone number. It was on his account. I put it into a new phone after a couple of months and figured, if he wanted me back, he could find me. I guess he'd always planned on giving me a second chance. Guess I always wanted one. The only reason I went back this last time was because I made him promise to leave you alone."
He closed his eyes and pictured Josie, lying on the floor. "She'd died with the phone in her hand, trying to crawl to the door. Looking for me. I didn't get home in time. Not even close."
"Was it retaliation?"
"I don't know. To this day, I don't goddamn know. But whether it was retaliation or random, the fact still remains that I wasn't there. The worst thing I've ever done to get free from a man I hated and I did that for Josie. The night I was free, she was killed."
There was nothing she could say to make it better, so she didn't even try. Instead, she pulled him closer, ran her hands over his tattooed forearms as though the images would come alive under her touch. And maybe they did, because she and Gunner were kissing and although she didn't know how it started, she knew she didn't want it to end.
He couldn't do this. Not again and not to her.
She knows violence. Understands it.
That didn't mean she should be married to it.
He heard the rawness in his voice, wanted to drown it out with alcohol until he couldn't see straight. "When I did that fucking last job . . . It was horrible." His face looked so pained, his neck muscles tensed, and she was sure he'd take off any second. "I can't even . . ."
She put her arms around him then. Shushed him. Told him not to say anything else. Somehow she had to make this all better for him. "You can tell me, Gunner. I think it's better if you tell someone."
"You can't ask me that. Take it back."
"No." Avery's voice broke. "I've done bad things too."
"You've done nothing close to my level." He pulled back and stared at her. "Does it matter? I did it. And it broke me. I lost everything. The only reason I didn't kill myself was because it hurt to stay alive. Good penance."
"Oh, Gunner."
"I was broken from the job," he said. He'd practically crawled home after it was done, and it had been like walking on hot coals. His entire body was aching with grief already, and seeing her on the floor, with Petey, was the final fucking straw.
"I wasn't there for her. I couldn't have been. I made a choice this time so you stayed safe. And that almost didn't happen. You're in danger just from knowing me."
"And I always will be," she reminded him. "That ship has sailed. So we have to deal with it, Gunner. Together. Because if there's going to be risk with or without you, I'd much rather be with you."
"Why?"
"How can you not know? The way you helped me. Let me mourn that night in the bayou. You know me. You always have."