the steps, he stood and turned to her. "I went about it wrong, and I
wasn't honest with you. I should have been."
"I don't doubt you're sorry, Ethan." She walked to the rail, leaned out,
looked over her little patch of yard. "I don't know if we can be friends
the way we were before. I know it's hard to be at odds with someone you
care about. I made up with my father tonight."
"Did you?" He stepped forward, then stopped because she'd shifted away.
Just a little, just enough to tell him he no longer had the right to
touch. "I'm glad."
"I suppose I have you to thank for it. If I hadn't been so mad at you, I
wouldn't have let myself be mad at him and get everything out. I'm
grateful for that, and I appreciate your apology. Now I'm tired, so--"
"You said a lot of things to me today." She wasn't going to brush him
off until he'd finished.
"Yes, I did." She shifted again, met his gaze straight on.
"Some of it was right, but not all. Not acting on how I felt about you
beforea it's the way it had to be."
"Because you say so."
"Because you couldn't have been more than fourteen when I started loving
you, and wanting you. I was close to eight years older. I was a man when
you were still a girl. It would have been wrong to touch you then. Maybe
I waited too long." He stopped, shook his head. "I did wait too long.
But I'd had time to think it through and I'd promised myself I wouldn't
get you tangled up with me. You were the only one who I wanted enough
that it mattered. Part of it was for me because I knew if I ever had you
I wouldn't want to let you go."
"And you'd already decided that you would."
"I'd decided that I was going to live my life pretty much alone. I was
managing that well enough until recently."
"You see it as a noble sacrifice. I see it as ignorance." She lifted her
hands, knowing she was heating up again. "I guess we'd better leave it
at that."
"You know damn well that if we were to get married you'd want more
children."
"Yes, I would. And while I'll never agree with your reasoning for not
making them together, there are other ways to make a family. You of all
people should know. We could have adopted children."
He stared at her. "Youa I figured you'd want to get pregnant."
"You figured right. I would want it because I would treasure your child
living inside me, and knowing you were there with us. But that doesn't
mean I couldn't find another way. What if I couldn't have children,
Ethan? What if we were in love and planning to be married, and we found
out I couldn't have babies? Would you stop loving me because of it?
Would you tell me you couldn't marry me?"
"No, of course not. That's--"
"That's not love," she finished. "But it's not a matter of can't. It's a
matter of won't. And I could have tried to understand your feelings if
you hadn't kept them from me. If you hadn't turned me away when all I
wanted was to help you. And I won't compromise on everything. I won't be
with a man who doesn't respect my feelings and who won't share his