most likely right. But he wondered, much too often for comfort, what
they would do when they had the truth.
ethan's plans after a fourteen-hour workday were to take an endless
shower and drink a cold beer. He did both, simultaneously. They'd gotten
take-out subs for dinner, and he had his on the back porch alone, in the
soft quiet of early twilight. Inside, Seth and Phillip were arguing over
which video to watch first. Arnold Schwarzenegger was doing battle with
Kevin Costner.
Ethan had already placed his bets on Arnold.
They had an unspoken agreement that Phillip would take responsibility
for Seth on Saturday nights. It gave Ethan a choice for the evening. He
could go in and join them, as he sometimes did for these movie fests. He
could go up and settle in with a book, as he often preferred to do. He
could go out, as he rarely did.
Before his father had died so suddenly and life had changed for all of
them, Ethan had lived in his own little house, with his own quiet
routine. He still missed it, though he tried not to resent the young
couple who were now renting it from him. They loved the coziness of it
and told him so often. The small rooms with their tall windows, the
little covered porch, the shady privacy of the trees that sheltered it,
and the gentle lap of water against shore.
He loved it, too. With Cam married and Anna moving in, he might have
been able to slip out again. But the rental money was needed now. And,
more important, he'd given his word. He would live here until all the
legal battles were waged and won and Seth was permanently theirs.
He rocked, listening to the night birds begin to call. And must have
dozed because the dream came, and came clearly.
"You always were more of a loner than the others," Ray commented. He sat
on the porch rail, turned slightly so he could look out to the water if
he chose. His hair was shiny as a silver coin in the half light, blowing
free in the steady breeze. "Always liked to go off by yourself to think
your thoughts and work out your troubles."
"I knew I could always come to you or Mom. I just liked to have a handle
on things first."
"How about now?" Ray shifted to face Ethan directly.
"I don't know. Maybe I haven't gotten a good handle on it yet. Seth's
settling in. He's easier with us. The first few weeks, I kept expecting
him to rabbit off. Losing you hurt him almost as much as it did us.
Maybe just as much, because he'd just started to believe things were
okay for him."
"It was bad, the way he had to live before I brought him here. Still, it
wasn't as bad as what you'd faced, Ethan, and you got through."
"Almost didn't." Ethan took out one of his cigars, took his time
lighting it. "Sometimes it still comes back on me. Pain and shame. And
the sweaty fear of knowing what's going to happen." He shrugged it off.
"Seth's a little younger than I was. I think he's already shed some of
it. As long as he doesn't have to deal with his mother again."
"He'll have to deal with her eventually, but he won't be alone. That's
the difference. You'll all stand by him. You always stood by each
other." Ray smiled, his big, wide face creasing everywhere at once.