"You're right for me." She clung when he would have eased her away.
"Nothing you've said changes what I feel. Nothing could. I only love you
more for it."
"Listen to me." His hands were steady, but they were firm as they
gripped her shoulders and pushed her back. "I can't give you what you
need, what you want, what you should have. Marriage, children, family."
"I don't--"
"Don't tell me you don't need them. I know you do."
She drew in air, let it out slowly. "I need them with you. I need a life
with you."
"I can't marry you. I can't give you children. I promised myself I'd
never risk passing on to a child whatever pieces of her are in me."
"There's nothing of her in you."
"There is." His fingers tightened briefly. "You saw it that day in the
woods when I took you against a tree like an animal. You saw it when I
yelled at you over working in a bar. And I've seen it too many times to
count when someone pushes me the wrong way once too often. Holding it
back doesn't mean it's not there. I can't take vows with you or make a
child with you. I love you too much to let you believe it's ever going
to happen."
"She scarred more than your body," Grace murmured. "It's your heart she
really abused. I can help you heal it the rest of the way."
He gave her a quick, gentle shake. "You're not listening to me. You're
not hearing me. If you can't accept the way things have to be between
us, I'll understand. I'll never blame you for stepping back and looking
for what you want with someone else. The best thing for you is for me to
let you go. And that's what I'm doing."
"Letting me go?"
"I want you to go home." He released her and stepped back. Felt as if
he'd entered a huge, dark void. "Once you think this all through, you'll
see it my way. Then you can decide if we should go on seeing each other
the way we have been or if you want me to leave you be."
"I want--"
"No," he interrupted. "You don't know what you want right now. You need
time, and so do I. I'd rather you went on. I don't want you here right
now, Grace."
She lifted a hand to her temple. "You don't want me here?"
"Not now." He set his jaw when he saw the hurt swim into her eyes. For
her own good, he reminded himself. "Go home and leave me be for a
while."
She took a step back, then another. Then turned and ran. Around the
house rather than through it. She couldn't bear having anyone see her
with tears on her cheeks and this awful tearing pain in her heart. He
wouldn't have her, was all she could think. He wouldn't let her be what
he needed.
"Hey, Grace! Hey." Seth abandoned his pursuit of the lightning bugs that
flickered and flashed through the dark and raced after her. "I've got
about a million of these suckers." He started to hold up a jar.
Then he saw the tears, heard them in her ragged breathing as she fumbled
with the door handle on her car. "What's wrong? Why are you crying? Did