BAGENHALL. He keeps, they say, some secret that may cost Philip his life.
STAFFORD. But then he looks so merry.
BAGENHALL. I cannot tell you why they call him so.
[_The_ KING _and_ QUEEN _pass, attended by Peers of the Realm, Officers of State, etc. Cannon shot off_.
CROWD. Philip and Mary, Philip and Mary!
Long live the King and Queen, Philip and Mary!
STAFFORD. They smile as if content with one another.
BAGENHALL. A smile abroad is oft a scowl at home.
[KING _and_ QUEEN _pass on. Procession_.
FIRST CITIZEN. I thought this Philip had been one of those black devils of Spain, but he hath a yellow beard.
SECOND CITIZEN. Not red like Iscariot's.
FIRST CITIZEN. Like a carrot's, as thou say'st, and English carrot's better than Spanish licorice; but I thought he was a beast.
THIRD CITIZEN. Certain I had heard that every Spaniard carries a tail like a devil under his trunk-hose.
TAILOR. Ay, but see what trunk-hoses! Lord! they be fine; I never stitch'd none such. They make amends for the tails.
FOURTH CITIZEN. Tut! every Spanish priest will tell you that all English heretics have tails.
FIFTH CITIZEN. Death and the Devil--if he find I have one--
FOURTH CITIZEN. Lo! thou hast call'd them up! here they come--a pale horse for Death and Gardiner for the Devil.
_Enter_ GARDINER _(turning back from the procession)_.
GARDINER. Knave, wilt thou wear thy cap before the Queen?
MAN. My Lord, I stand so squeezed among the crowd I cannot lift my hands unto my head.
GARDINER. Knock off his cap there, some of you about him!
See there be others that can use their hands.
Thou art one of Wyatt's men?
MAN. No, my Lord, no.
GARDINER. Thy name, thou knave?
MAN. I am nobody, my Lord.
GARDINER (_shouting_).
God's passion! knave, thy name?
MAN. I have ears to hear.
GARDINER. Ay, rascal, if I leave thee ears to hear.
Find out his name and bring it me (_to_ ATTENDANT).
ATTENDANT. Ay, my Lord.
GARDINER. Knave, thou shalt lose thine ears and find thy tongue, And shalt be thankful if I leave thee that.
[_Coming before the Conduit_.
The conduit painted--the nine worthies--ay!
But then what's here? King Harry with a scroll.
Ha--Verbum Dei--verbum--word of God!
God's passion! do you know the knave that painted it?
ATTENDANT. I do, my Lord.
GARDINER. Tell him to paint it out, And put some fresh device in lieu of it-- A pair of gloves, a pair of gloves, sir; ha?
There is no heresy there.
ATTENDANT. I will, my Lord; The man shall paint a pair of gloves. I am sure (Knowing the man) he wrought it ignorantly, And not from any malice.
GARDINER. Word of God In English! over this the brainless loons That cannot spell Esaias from St. Paul, Make themselves drunk and mad, fly out and flare Into rebellions. I'll have their bibles burnt.
The bible is the priest's. Ay! fellow, what!
Stand staring at me! shout, you gaping rogue!
MAN. I have, my Lord, shouted till I am hoarse.
GARDINER. What hast thou shouted, knave?
MAN. Long live Queen Mary!
GARDINER. Knave, there be two. There be both King and Queen, Philip and Mary. Shout!
MAN. Nay, but, my Lord, The Queen comes first, Mary and Philip.
GARDINER. Shout, then, Mary and Philip!
MAN. Mary and Philip!
GARDINER. Now, Thou hast shouted for thy pleasure, shout for mine!
Philip and Mary!
MAN. Must it be so, my Lord?
GARDINER. Ay, knave.
MAN. Philip and Mary!