know what to do. I don't seem to be able to think for myself anymore."
"I'll think for you for a couple of minutes. I vote we castrate the
sonofabitch."
"I can't go back. Marianne, I think I'd do something, something really
horrible if I went back."
"You seem to be thinking just fine. Can you eat?"
"No, not yet." She had to sit, just sit for a moment and take in the
enormity of what she'd done. She'd left Drew. She'd gotten away, and
now she had her friend, her oldest and closest friend with her. Closing
her eyes, she felt a fresh wave of shame.
"Marianne, I'm sorry, so sorry. I know I haven't returned your calls, I
haven't been a friend to you these past months. He wouldn't let me."
Marianne lighted two cigarettes, and passed one to Emma. "Don't worry
about that now."
"He even told me that you had-that you had tried to take him away from
me."
"In his dreams." She nearly laughed at that, but Emma's face stopped
her. "You didn't believe it."
"No, not really. But ... There were times I believed anything he'd
tell me. It was easier." She shut her eyes again. "The worst is, it
wouldn't have mattered to me."
"If you'd just called me."
"I couldn't talk to you about it, and I couldn't bear to be around you
because I was afraid you'd find out."
"I'd have helped you."
Emma could only shake her head as her hands clasped and unclasped in her
lap. "I'm so ashamed."
"What the hell for?"
"I let him do it to me, didn't I? He didn't hold a gun to my head.
That's the one thing he never did to me. He didn't have to."
"I don't have the answers, Emma. Or I do have one. You should call the
police."
"No. Good God, no. I couldn't bear to ... to see it spread all
over the papers. And they wouldn't believe me. He'd just deny it."
Fear came sprinting back, on her face, in her voice. "I can tell you,
Marianne, he could make you believe anything."
"All right, we'll hold on the cops and get you a lawyer."
"I- need a few days. I just can't talk to anyone else about this. All
I really want is to get as far away from him as I can."
"Okay. We'll plot. Now we're going to eat. I think better on a full
stomach."
She bullied Emma into taking a few bites, then pushed the Pepsi on her,
hoping the sugar and caffeine would put color back in her friend's
cheeks.
"We'll hang around Miami for a few days."
"No." Emma was thinking clearer now, though the nerves were still
jangling inside her head. Of all the wild plots and plans that had
rushed into her mind over the last two days, only one seemed right. "I
can't even stay tonight. It's the first place he'd come looking for
me."