"Oh, put all false modesty aside and answer me frankly. Do you consider yourself a politician or not?"
On hearing this allusion to his pet hobby, the poor baron, forgetting his resentment, puffed out his cheeks, and, slipping his left hand in the bosom of his dressing-gown while he gesticulated with his right, assumed a parliamentary attitude and majestically responded:
"If a most profound, extended, and conscientious study of the internal and external condition of France, if a certain aptitude for public speaking, and a devoted love of country constitute a politician, I might reasonably aspire to that role. Yes, and but for you, monsieur,--but for your outrageous attack upon M. de Mornand,--I might not only aspire to, but assume that role at an early day."
"True, my dear baron, and I must confess that it was with unutterable satisfaction that I killed two birds with one stone by preventing a base and corrupt man like M. de Mornand from marrying your ward, and at the same time preventing you from becoming a peer of France."
"Yes, from satisfying my ridiculous ambition, as you have told me to my face more than once, monsieur, and I repel the insulting aspersion with scorn and disdain. There is nothing ridiculous about my ambition, monsieur."
"It is ridiculous in every respect, my dear baron."
"Have you come here to insult me, monsieur?"
"Do you know why your ambition is ridiculous and out of place, my dear baron? It is because you long for a field of labour in which your political talents will be entirely wasted, completely swallowed up, so to speak."
"What, monsieur, can it be you that I hear speaking of my political talents when you have never neglected an opportunity to sneer at them?"
"A 'Woman's Hatred,' my dear baron, a 'Woman's Hatred'!"
And as M. de la Rochaigue gazed at the hunchback with a bewildered air, the latter gentleman continued:
"You know, of course, that you and I belong to the same political party, my dear baron."
"I was not aware of that fact, monsieur; still, it should not surprise me. Persons of exalted rank are inevitably the born, immutable, and unwavering advocates, champions, and representatives of the traditions of the past."
"And it is for this very reason that I am so bitterly opposed to your holding a seat in the Chamber of Peers, my dear baron."
"You amaze me greatly, infinitely, prodigiously, monsieur," said the baron, hanging upon his visitor's words with breathless eagerness now.
"Can it be that M. de la Rochaigue is really so blind, or that this mistake is due to bad advisers? I have said to myself again and again.
He must, with reason, desire to bring about a return to the traditions of the past, and there cannot be the slightest doubt that he possesses many of the requisites to effect such a consummation: birth, talents, an extended knowledge of political affairs, and antecedents entirely free of any troublesome entanglements--"
When this enumeration of his political qualifications began, M. de la Rochaigue might have been seen to smile almost imperceptibly, but when the hunchback paused to take breath, the baron's long teeth were exposed to view.
Noting this sure sign of internal satisfaction, the marquis continued:
"And where does the baron propose to bury all these talents? In the Upper Chamber, which is already filled to overflowing with members of the aristocracy. What will be the result? Why, in spite of his talents, this unfortunate baron will be completely swallowed up in this overwhelming majority. He will necessarily, too, be regarded as a mere dummy or tool, as he will owe his political position to party favour, and his energetic plainness of speech as well as the--the--pray give me the word, baron--the ardour of his impassioned oratory will be hampered by personal obligations."
"But why do you tell me all this at this late day, monsieur?" exclaimed the baron, in tones of heartfelt reproach.
But the marquis, without giving any sign of having heard the baron's question, continued:
"How different it would be if this unfortunate baron began his political career in the Chamber of Deputies! He would not enter that body by favour, but by a public election--by the will of the people. Under these circumstances, how forcible the words of this energetic and faithful representative of the traditions of the past would become! It could not be said of him: 'Your opinion is that of the favoured class to which you belong.' Far from it, for the baron could reply, and justly: 'No, my views are the views of the nation, as it is the nation that sent me here.'"
"What you say is true, perfectly true, monsieur, but why did you defer telling me so long?"
"Why, baron? Why, because you manifested such a deep distrust and such an intense antipathy to me."
"On the contrary, it was you, marquis, who seemed to pursue me with relentless cruelty."
"Very possibly, for I was continually saying to myself: 'Ah, if the baron is so blind as to neglect the opportunity to play such a magnificent role, he shall bear the penalty of it. I will give him no peace.' Nor have I; but when the time came to prevent you from committing such a fatal blunder--I did it."
"But marquis, permit me to say--"
"You do not belong to yourself, monsieur, you belong to your party, and the injury you do yourself will reflect upon the other members of your party. You are consequently an egotist, a heartless--"
"One word, monsieur, one word."
"Ambitious man who prefers to owe his position to political favour rather than to a public election."
"You talk very lightly of a public election, monsieur. Do you believe that a seat in either political body can be secured so easily, no matter how well fitted the person may be to fill such a position? (In speaking in this way of myself, I am only repeating your words, remember.) You may not be aware that I have been trying to secure a seat in the Chamber of Peers ten years, monsieur."
"Nonsense! You could be a deputy in less than a month if you chose."
"I?"
"Yes, you, Baron de la Rochaigue."
"I, a deputy! That would be magnificent, marquis, for you have opened my eyes to the vast, immense, infinite field of labour that would lie before me. But how could I secure an election?"
"It so happens that the electors of the district where my estates are situated desire to confer the honour of representing them upon me."
"You, M. le marquis?"
"Yes, I! Just imagine what an idea people will form of those worthy fellows down there from their representative. People will fancy when they see me that I am the envoy of a colony founded by Punchinello."
This lively sally excited considerable hilarity on the part of the baron, who manifested it as usual by displaying his long teeth several times.
"If my district was located in a mountainous country, there might be some sense in my election," continued the marquis, indicating his hump by a laughing gesture, to keep the baron in good humour, doubtless.
"Really, marquis," exclaimed M. de la Rochaigue, much amused, "you certainly do the honours of yourself with wonderful grace and wit."
"Then shout, 'Long live my hump!' my dear baron, for you little know what you--no, our party--will perhaps owe to it!"
"I--our party--owe anything to your--" the baron hesitated--"to your--to your gibbosity."
"Gibbosity is a remarkably well chosen word, baron. You were evidently born for the tribune, and, as I said before, you can be a deputy in less than a month if you choose."
"Once more may I beg you to explain, marquis."
"Nothing could be simpler. Be a deputy in my stead."
"You are jesting."
"Not at all. I should only make the Chamber laugh. You will hold it captive by your eloquence, and our party will consequently be much the gainer by the change. I will introduce you to three or four delegates who have been chosen by my constituents, and who really control the elections down there, and I am sure I shall have little or no difficulty in persuading them to accept you in my stead. I will write to them this afternoon; day after to-morrow they will be here, and by the following day everything will be settled."
"Really, marquis, I scarcely know whether I am awake or dreaming. You, whom I have hitherto regarded as a bitter enemy--"