Published at 2nd of November 2020 08:05:50 PM
Chapter 33
Picked Up In Winter <33> END (完)
After having returned home, I couldn’t keep calm the whole time . The gloomy voice of Dae Hyung, and Jun Hyung’s hollow eyes kept overlapping and haunting me . I tried to concentrate on something else, but it was futile .
‘Do something about hyung……’
I could again hear Dae Hyung’s desperation . I would rather turn a blind eye to it, though .
How am I supposed to…… what should I do…… . How the hell should I help him…… .
With a snap, my heart broke into pieces .
Should I return to him again? Should I go back to him and be Happy as before?
So… If I did that…… .
Would he no longer have such an empty eyes then? Would he not make such a sad face anymore……?
“…… . ”
But just as I was thinking this .
Suddenly, there was another thing Dae Hyung had said that struck me .
‘These days, I can’t even see hyung’s face properly……!’
“……!”
I jumped up from my seat . Then Sangryeol, who was sitting in front of the computer, looked back at me, surprised . I quickly ran to the door with my outer clothes (in hand) as I grabbed them .
“Wait, wait a minute, Hagil-hyung! Where are you going now?”
Sangryeol asked me as he ran after me . Pulled to reality with his voice, I couldn’t help but to stop my feet that were about to step out of the porch .
“…… Sorry . ”
“…?!”
With a tight voice, I opened my mouth .
I had my back turned toward him, so I couldn’t see what expression he was making…… but he would be probably looking very surprised…… I thought…… .
I firmly clasped the handle of the front door, and mumbled once more, fully sincere .
“I’m sorry, Sangryeol…… . ”
“Hagil… hyung?!”
And like that, I ran outside .
‘These days, I can’t even see hyung’s face properly…!’
‘These days, I . ’
‘These days…… . ’
I ran out to the dark streets and kept repeating in my head the words Dae Hyung had said this afternoon . He hadn’t seen him these days . Then that meant that lately he couldn’t see him .
But why……? Why couldn’t he see him?
When this question occurred to me, I thought that maybe…… he would still be waiting at that place .
Then my heart thumped relentlessly . I couldn’t just sit still anymore . And so I ran out of the house and was now blindly running to that place .
But that was impossible…! He couldn’t still be there!
As I ran, I laughed at my own thoughts and denied them .
I pretended to not know him when I ran into him again . I said that he mistook me for someone else, that I didn’t have such a name .
However, he also must have been aware that I hadn’t been someone else…… .
As if he had gotten a blow, his eyes had turned hollow suddenly, and his heart was broken .
So he had no reason to go there anymore now . The reason why he’s been waiting there for me no longer existed…… .
But I was running, thinking that maybe he was still there . Maybe he was still there waiting for me . I was running while believing that .
Haahaa, it was hard to breathe . I ran without a break to the place just like the first time . And when I have finally got to the end of the corner,
“…!”
I’ve seen the back of someone still there sitting and protecting the bench…… .
“…… . ”
It was Jun Hyung .
Jun Hyung was still sitting there and waiting for me…… .
“……!”
In that moment, my view grew uncontrollably blurry . Fat tears trickled down from my hot eyes . I moved my trembling legs, as I slowly, very slowly approached him .
I had always only watched on, hidden, as he sat here and waited for me . I’ve been always hiding and just watching .
However, today, for the first time, here in front of him, I was going to reveal myself…… .
At last, as I came right up to him and as he had seen my tiptoes, he lifted his head, that had been bent down, puzzled .
“…!”
And when he discovered me, his eyes widened as if he couldn’t believe it .
“…… . ”
Facing his eyes, I couldn’t control the constant flow of tears . Slowly, I torn apart my unopened lips with difficulty and spoke to him .
“Why are you here… like this…… . ”
“…… . ”
“What are you doing here right now…… . ”
“…… . ”
Then the surprise on his face gradually subsided . He looked at me silently with a calm expression .
Eventually I couldn’t control the burst of tears and with a soft groan, I touched my forehead . After I left his house, it’s been just a sea of tears continuously, but I’ve never really cried this hard . My head was throbbing and I was not in my right mind… Now, tears clouded my vision so much that I couldn’t even make out what was going on .
He stared at me who was such a mess, then murmured in a low voice as if he was whispering .
“I was waiting…… . ”
Sponsored Content
“…… . ”
“To pick you up once again……”
“…… . ”
The voice that said so was too sweet . This was ridiculous . Cowardly . I looked at him through my tears . He kept staring at me in silence, then whispered again .
“I picked him up here last time . ”
“…… . ”
“One day, he suddenly left me . ”
“…… . ”
“And so, if I waited here, I had thought that he’d definitely come back……”
“…… . ”
“So I was always waiting . So that I could find him before anyone else, he can’t be picked up by anyone other than me . ”
“Hic…… . ”
“I will definitely pick him up again…… . ”
“Hic, hic!”
I eventually couldn’t supress the sounds and let out a loud sobs . With both hands on my forehead, I kept crying loudly .
“…?”
But in that moment, a warm touch fell on my head and I raised my head . It was his hand . He just pulled me . And held me in his arms .
Hwaak, his body gave off his specifit odour . The heat of his warm chest touched my face . I reached out my hands and hugged his back tightly . Jun Hyung also embraced my head gently .
“Pick me up……”
I suddenly let out a mournful voice, as if begging .
“Pick me up, once again……”
Without you, I can’t be happy . I don’t mind anything now . A name or something, what does it matter? Why does it matter if I’m replacement for another being? It had been me that you’ve been waiting so long for, anyway . And the one you’re looking at right now, who you’re holding now, and who you’re whispering to…… is after all… me .
“…… I’ve been thinking . ”
As I alone fell into my sentimental thoughts, his lips, which had been touching my hair, moved quietly .
“Why had he left me… I’ve always wondered . ”
“…… . ”
“But he……”
“…… . ”
“Maybe the name I’ve given him was rather…… really quite not to his liking . ”
“…?!”
“So much so that he would leave me because of it . ”
Sponsored Content
“……?”
…… What…?
I opened my eyes wide with astonishment, still in his arms .
“So if I pick him again, I have to give him a new name… I’ve thought . ”
“……?”
“But somebody told me that he already had a name . ”
“……!”
“And so I will give him that name now… is what I was thinking . ”
“?!”
“
“!!”
“Do you like it…?”
“…!”
Tears, feelings, were once again overflowing . I realized it at that moment .
Ahhhh…… To him, too, something like a name really didn’t matter .
That was not what was important .
All that mattered was the warmth in this hand .
Since I had to pack my things, we went back to Sangryeol’s house . Jun Hyung followed up to the front of the apartment, but he didn’t come inside . He stopped his steps at the stairs on the 1st floor, looked at me, and said ‘Go on . ’ I simply nodded in silence and went up the stairs by myself .
“…… . ”
At long last, I reached the front door of his house . My heart was suffocated with guilt .
“…… . ”
Sangryeol, he’s been so kind to me . When I lost my place, when I was having such a hard time, he was the only person I could rely on .
However, I couldn’t have bothered him forever anyway . Leaving now, it might also be good for him . Thinking this, I opened the front door .
“…… . ”
Right at that moment, the scent of the strong cigarette smell attacked my nostrils .
I slowly entered the house, and closed the door . In front of the window in the room buried in the dense cigarette smoke stood Sangryeol .
He had his back turned to me, looking outside the window, smoking dully . Even though he knew I returned, he didn’t look back . His ashtray was full of butts .
When did he finish smoking so much? Could he have been smoking since I left?
I looked at his back as he was leaning sluggishly with his arm against the window, then took the bag with my things quietly .
“…… Are you leaving?”
Sponsored Content
Suddenly a low-pitched voice flew out, startling me . I stopped in the middle of opening my bag and looked at him again . He was still looking outside the window .
“…… Yeah . ”
I hesitated, not sure how to respond, and then answered curtly .
“Okay…… . ”
He muttered in a calm voice .
I started packing my things again . A long silence followed . Even while I was packing, he kept smoking and looking out the window . In the middle of such quietness, only the sounds of me packing lingered for a long time and then eventually disappeared .
“…… I’m going . ”
I said as I looked at his back, when I finally packed all my things . But he still didn’t turn around .
“Okay, take care . ”
“…… . ”
…… Was he mad at me for doing as I pleased?
Or is it, that even if I have returned nothing would have changed, it may have not made any difference whether I was here or not .
Still, I was sorry to him . Still, I was grateful to him .
Once, even just once, it would have been nice if he turned to look this way . It would’ve been nice if he’d scold me harshly for being this wilful…… .
“I was really… thankful . ”
I spoke sincerely, looking at his back .
And it was when I bowed (to him in thanks), said my goodbyes, and walked straight towards the front door .
“……… Don’t go . ”
That suddenly a sad voice……
Came from behind me .
I was startled and my feet halted, my eyes widening .
I slowly looked back . But all that came into my view was still his appearance from behind, sluggishly leaning .
“…… . ”
He again murmured .
“Take care . ”
“…… . ”
And then I left that house .
When I finally came down to the 1st floor’s stairs, Jun Hyung, who had been looking up at the sky dyed in darkness, turned to me . I went to his side without a word . Then, Jun Hyung took some of the luggage I was carrying from my hands . We walked slowly along the dark alley wordlessly, just as we had done when we first entered his house .
The wind was still a little chilly . It was faint, but the branches were still covered in white .
Yes…… It was still winter…… .
The season he and I met . The season in which he picked me up .
It was still winter .