"Momma?"
The entourage had moved from CJ's room to security after Manny had called and told them what was going on. They gathered around while Momma held court from the small banquet chair where she sat.
"Hello, Poppy," Momma said, adjusting her navy picture hat. "What are you doing here? I didn't think you'd been invited."
Poppy started to tremble, then she started to cry, and Manny moved quickly to her side. "Momma...," she said, but Momma waved her off.
"Hush," she said. "I knew you were giving my trinkets away. I couldn't resist. Just one little pickle fork. What would it matter?"
"What are you talking about?" Poppy asked. "Why are you in Washington? How did you get here? Where is Lucky?"
It was too many questions, especially for Momma. She closed her eyes and looked as if she'd fallen asleep.
Poppy kneeled down before her. "Momma?" she whispered. "What about your spells?"
That's when Momma laughed and opened her eyes. "Oh, I've been faking my spells. I needed to throw you off track. I didn't want anyone to know I was on to Elinor's shenanigans, and that I was determined to do something about it."
All eyes moved from Momma to Elinor, who stood with her hand to her mouth. "Oh my God," Elinor said. "Oh my good God."
"Oh, don't be so shocked, Elinor dear. Someone had to stop you, before you wrecked your life and everyone else's. I was the only one with the wherewithal."
At least she hadn't said balls.
"But how did you know?" Elinor asked.
Momma adjusted the wide brim of her hat. "Well, I knew long before my daughter told me. It was actually pure happenstance! Lucky brought me to town to have my hair done. No offense, Yolanda."
Yolanda nodded and said none was taken.
"We went to the Lord Winslow for tea. I saw you, Elinor. I had Lucky follow you."
"But why did you think anything was, as you say, going on?"
"Because the last time was the seventh time we'd seen you there. After the second time, I realized that even though life is irony, it seemed too much like coincidence. So I paid attention. Did you know you went there the second and fourth Thursdays of every month?"
Momma was no dummy; she never had been.
"So you stole Elinor's panties?" Yolanda asked, and everyone in the room, except Momma, cringed.
"Of course I did. Her daddy would never have wanted her to cause such a scandal." She did not add that she'd known Elinor's daddy quite well, and knew a thing or two about cover-ups.
"But how did you get Elinor's panties?" Yolanda persisted.
Momma laughed. "Well, Lucky and I didn't dress up like housekeepers, if that's what you mean! We slipped a few twenties in the right places, and we went into the room after Elinor left. The panties were a bonanza." She turned to Elinor. "You also left a bottle of spray hair gel, my dear, but I didn't think you'd care about that."
Poppy was feeling quite proud in a special place in her heart. Who knew Momma was so clever?
"I...," Elinor stammered, "I was in a hurry...." Her voice drifted off; her eyes drifted to Malcolm, who seemed pretty calm, considering the circumstances.
"Lucky called you for the ransom, Elinor," Momma continued.
"Did he follow me to Cayman?"
"No. That was Jake, the security man from the hotel. He agreed to freelance, and we paid him quite nicely."
The entourage remained silent. Janice's fiance took a bite of a bagel that he'd brought from the room.
"But why here?" Elinor asked. "Why now?"
"I wanted you to stop before you really were caught. By someone who mattered. I wanted to scare the crap out of you."
Everyone laughed except Elinor. And Malcolm. And poor Janice, who still seemed bewildered.
"But why did you leave my panties in CJ's room?"
"Ooops!" Momma cried, "my mistake! Poppy had a picture of Alice and Elinor in her Miu Miu, which she left at my house one night. I put it in my purse, thinking I'd find a nice silver frame for it one day. Anyway, I brought the picture. I showed it to the housekeeper, and she let me into the room. I said I was your Momma! Imagine that!"
Of course, in reality, she could have been Elinor and CJ's Momma, impregnated by the headmaster.
"It wasn't my room," Elinor said, "it was CJ's. Malcolm and I had gone home."
"Ha ha," Momma laughed, "well the joke was on me. The housekeeper mistook CJ for Elinor! You're still identical twins, after all!"
They stood around, processing Momma's confession, when Poppy said, "But how did you get here?"
"Why, Lucky, of course. He's waiting outside in the limo." She stood up as if ready to go.
"Just a minute." The security man stepped forward and folded his arms. "I'm not going to pretend to know what's going on here, but there's a small matter of larceny we need to address."
The pickle fork, of course.
"Momma," Poppy said, "tell the man you're sorry."
"But it's so lovely," Momma said, her blue eyes twinkling. "It would be such a nice addition to my collection."
Poppy reached into her purse. "Where did you get it, Momma?"
"Some fool left it on a room service tray. I saw it when I went upstairs to deliver the panties." A touch of pride laced her words.
"How much?" Poppy asked the security guard.
He looked at Poppy, then Momma, then the group that had assembled there. He shook his head. "No charge," he said. "Enjoy it in good health."
And just that quickly, the drama was done.
Epilogue.
Elinor didn't press blackmail charges against Momma, even when she learned it was Momma who'd planted the dastardly seed in the congressman's mind to tell Elinor that his wife's favorite color was lavender. Momma had cornered him coming out of the men's room in the lobby of the Fairmont and had told him it would be a good way to help warm Elinor up, that she was a good girl but sometimes could be shy.
Even Elinor laughed at that.
CJ declined a ride back to Mount Kasteel in Momma's stretch limo. She needed time alone, and Amtrak had always provided safe haven. Hopefully, she wouldn't run into Ray Williams.
Once at Union Station, she checked the board: A train left for New York nearly every half hour. One was leaving for Denver in twenty minutes.
Without hesitation, CJ went to the counter and traded in her ticket. The time had finally come to put Elinor and her issues away and pick up the pieces of her own life...to rewrite those few scenes that Cooper had mentioned.
When Alice got home, she threw out her computer. She was determined to learn to become herself, not Elinor. Hopefully she and Neal would love each other forever, but she was done tempting fate.
As for USA Sings, they were going en masse to the Philadelphia audition: Alice, Neal, Melissa, David, and the two boys. After the show, they'd join Lorna LeDuc and the others to celebrate. Alice had asked Felicity to join them, but she'd said she couldn't make it, no excuses, no explanations, just, "Maybe next time," and Alice had understood.
As it turned out, Momma had made Duane sign a pre-nup way back in Monte Carlo. She'd threatened to have Lucky shoot him if he told Poppy, and Lucky was so devoted, who would doubt his aim?
Still, it was a little insulting that Duane had struck first by sending Poppy a postcard from Reno on which he'd written that his first wife had been waiting and, wouldn't you know, she wanted him back.
Yolanda said the woman must have had mucho dinero that she was willing to share with the brothers and their ridiculo mine.
Momma said when things were done, they were done. She never told Poppy about Duane's empty suitcase, which she'd loaded with Ben Franklins on his way out of town-her idea, not his. Insurance, she considered it. A small price to keep him away.
To help pass the time until the divorce, Poppy and Momma went on a world tour, returning the silver trinkets in person. Most places said "Keep them," so Momma was happy. Manny took his vacation in October and met them for a week in Buenos Aires. Alice said that the Lord only knew what would happen with them, but it seemed he might be the man Poppy had always needed.
Because Manny was her brother and she loved him dearly, Yolanda closed up shop that same week and moved with Belita into his house in Brooklyn, because even though his kids would have been okay, a week was a very long parentless time. While she was there, Junior Diaz dropped by.
Holy cow, Yolanda thought. He was really, really nice. Why hadn't Manny told her he was so nice? Or had she just not been paying attention?
The best thing about life, Yolanda decided, was that people really could change, her included.
Elinor had no idea why Malcolm wanted to stay with her. But he said that he did. He said if it hadn't been for her strength, he would not have become the man he'd become; he would have hidden out in a laboratory, making hybrids of trees.
He also said that during the last few years he'd grown distant because she'd grown distant. He wondered if that often happened when people were married such a long time.
But he said they belonged together, that she was the mother of his children, after all, that she'd raised them and loved them, and, like most parents, had done the best that she could.
He told her he loved her.
She did not ask if he loved CJ, too. She just tried to start over again, vowed to try and become a better wife, a better mother to both of the children. She hoped it wasn't too late. She also resolved to be rid of the jealousy toward her sister, who, after all, had given her-given them-Jonas. Good Lord, what more could Elinor want?
The first thing Elinor did was help Janice prove her innocence about the issue with her job. Elinor still didn't understand what Janice actually did for a living, but she figured that believing in her daughter was the best thing she could contribute. It was all Janice had wanted when she'd appeared in Mount Kasteel in search of her father but had had the misfortune to discover her mother instead.
Thankfully, Janice forgave her mother for suspecting she'd blackmailed her.
"It was reassuring that you knew I was alive," Janice quipped, and Elinor cried, and Janice said she was sorry, that was uncalled for, then Elinor said that she was the one who truly was sorry, that most things she'd said and done to her daughter had been uncalled for.
Then Elinor was touched when she realized that, though years had passed, Janice had remembered that Elinor favored scones when she was in a hotel out of town. It was the kind of detail Elinor would have remembered. How amusing to think that her daughter might be a little like she was! Of course, Janice challenged that once or twice, as Elinor started making preparations for Janice and Jack's wedding.
Remy-or rather, his driver-finally managed to call after the engagement party.
"Your appointment is scheduled for two o'clock tomorrow afternoon," the voice said. "You will be picked up at one forty-five."
Elinor paused. "Please let him know I am sorry, but I will no longer be needing his services."
She did not hear from him again.
She went back to wearing cream-colored silk panties that would hopefully keep her out of any more trouble. But for all of her growth, and all her lessons learned, a small part of Elinor wished she had saved just a bit of his DNA...the way that, years ago, she'd saved the rake that she directed Manny to find in the gardener's shed at the lake cottage. It was still where she'd stashed it, still held a few strands of Poppy's red hair, evidence that backed up her story of self-defense. Poppy went to trial, but she did not go to jail, hallaleuigh.
Jonas got the job as theater manager at The Elway even before Cooper made a few phone calls to a few friends back on Broadway. They decided CJ would stay in Denver for the season, then they'd go together to Paris next spring. Cooper's golden retriever, Molly, would be Luna's house guest for the duration of their stay in Europe.
After a while, CJ told Cooper that she was Jonas's biological mother. She wondered about telling Jonas, too, but it would hurt Elinor, and it would confuse Jonas, and it would not change the past.
Besides, CJ reasoned, as she settled into her new studio at the foothills of the Rockies, some secrets-even love-are best left alone.
A+ AUTHOR INSIGHTS, EXTRAS, & MORE...
FROM ABBY DRAKE AND AVON A.
Perfect Little Ladies Reading Group Questions 1. Do you think Elinor should have told Malcolm her problem in the beginning?
2. Two hundred dollars seems like a lot of money for panties, lace or otherwise. What's the most extravagant item you've ever purchased for yourself?
3. Which of the five ladies (Yolanda included) did you feel most connected to? Why?
4. Which of the five ladies had the most solid, enviable relationship, past or present, with whom and why?
5. Which of the five ladies would you most want as a friend you could turn to even in the darkest or the weirdest of times?
6. Was CJ right to have done the things she'd done for Elinor? Would you have done them for your twin?
7. What about Poppy and Momma? Would you cover up things for your parent or child that you might not for your sibling?
8. Describe Alice's life in one word.