Chapter 71
[The Darkness of the Resolution]
Tameiki-san really went back, so I was left behind in the city .
I head towards the direction Yoiyami-san left while walking unsteadily . In other words, his apartment .
I was complaining to Tameiki-san, but to tell the truth, I’m curious about Yoiyami-san .
What kind of life does Yoiyami-san have now, what does he think, and what does he live on?
I wanted to know more about his circumstances in detail .
Yoiyami-san used to devote his best killing people as Anonymous, but now he’s left in a state where he can’t kill people .
I feel a sense of intimacy with such Yoiyami-san .
But why do I feel intimacy?
We have nothing similar .
Nothing . Yes, nothing .
However . I want Yoiyami-san, who continue to live even with such tired looking eyes, to teach me how to live .
Roll, Tameiki-san, Shimichi-san, Boss .
They probably don’t understand what kind person I am .
At the same time, I may not be trying to understand them . It doesn’t mean that I don’t trust them all .
I hate…my own ugliness, but I’m trapped in a dilemma that I can’t live without, so I…
I felt that if it was Yoiyami-san, he would definitely understand me .
“Please train me, Yoiyami-san . ”
I said to Yoiyami-san who was repairing his broken apartment door .
Yoiyami-san didn’t answer .
He quickly fixed the door and entered the room, so in the end, I couldn’t do anything in that day .
Morning greets the corridor of the apartment .
It was cold last night because of the wall destroyed by Tameiki-san . Crouching and holding my knees, I didn’t get a good sleep .
My belongings were only the few small coins in my pocket .
I didn’t bring any clothes for change too, so it would be bad if this situation continues . I didn’t have my phone with me .
However, the phone wasn’t taken by Tameiki-san, I left it to Roll in advance .
Because I took the possibility of being abducted in the same pattern as before into consideration, it is a countermeasure .
I noticed the sound in the room and stood up .
Apparently, Yoiyami-san has woken up .
Yoiyami-san went straight to the front door, opened the door with a *gachari*, ignored me and headed for the stairs .
“Err, Yoiyami-san!”
“Don’t follow me . ”
Yoiyami-san said without stopping . *biri* the air solidified .
I couldn’t move at the certain killing intent .
However, I felt that Yoiyami-san’s killing intent was not that much .
Yoiyami-san’s killing intent, which I could only alleviate by drinking alcohol before, is now only effective enough to restrain me .
It hasn’t been so long since that time, but perhaps Yoiyami-san is shedding away his techniques, faculties, and instincts for killing people .
Including himself .
It’s possible that Boss found something in such Yoiyami-san, and made the mission of that time available until now .
Or rather, Boss knew from the beginning that Yoiyami-san was like this, and that’s why he issued that mission .
It seems that Tameiki-san was told by Boss that she had surpassed Yoiyami-san, and I think that’s true .
In killing people, Tameiki-san has already surpassed Yoiyami-san .
It’s not about fighting ability .
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It’s about things such as, can she kill on a daily basis? Can she kill people like breathing? Can she integrate with killing?
Tameiki-san who has been immersed in this world since she was 6 years old .
She should already in a state in which she can’t ‘separate’ like Yoiyami-san .
Anyway, I was seeing off Yoiyami-san’s back while thinking about various things in front of the room .
Yoiyami-san returned to the apartment when the surroundings began to darken .
I noticed his footsteps and stood up .
Yoiyami-san naturally ignored me, entered the room, closed the door and locked it .
I already realized that it was useless to say anything, so I just stood silently in front of his room .
Because I don’t know how long this will continue, I can’t make pointless expenditure . That’s why I still have the few small coins in my pocket .
That said, I won’t use it till I really reach my limit .
I’m confident that Yoiyami-san will help me if I drive myself to the point of starvation and freezing without eating or drinking anything .
After all, he can’t kill people .
When I heard the sound of Yoiyami-san lying down on the bed, I sat down .
Even so, it seems that there are no residents here other than Yoiyami-san .
But from today’s Yoiyami-san, I can tell that he only uses this place to go back and sleep, and you must be doing something else during the day .
Even so, I’m hungry . I feel a pain as if my stomach was tightened .
The morning has arrived .
I couldn’t sleep because of the cold and hunger . My saliva doesn’t even come out . My chin doesn’t stop clattering .
But I managed to get up when I sensed that Yoiyami-san woke up .
*guchari* the door opens .
It’s raining today . I used to like rain, but I’m starting to hate it because it made it hard to hear sounds .
The same as yesterday, Yoiyami-san passed me and went down the stairs .
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Seeing him completely away from the apartment, I sat down again .
I can’t sleep because it’s cold at night, so I have no choice but to sleep during the day when the cold is still bearable .
Thinking so, I closed my eyes .
However, I could only sleep for a little while .
Yoiyami-san came back earlier than yesterday . I stand up at the sound of climbing the stairs .
Tameiki-san said Yoiyami-san would bend quickly, but he shows no sign of bending .
While I was thinking so, Yoiyami-san stopped in the middle of the corridor .
“…Do you intend to die like that?”
“…No . ”
“Why do you want to be stronger?”
“To not die . Just to survive . ”
I was surprised at myself who asserted that so clearly .
Is the reason I was able to make such a statement was because Yoiyami-san was the other party?
“…I see . Then there is one action you should take . ”
“…What is that?”
“Leave Anonymous, hide in a distant place, and live alone .
That way, the probability of you dying is much lower than in your current situation . ”
Now that I think about it, that’s true .
Just survive . If that’s all, it’s better to do so in the first place .
But why am I in this situation?
If I’m in Anonymous, I will fight the Self-Defense Force, and no matter how strong I become, inevitable death would come .
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Like that Midou Ryuusui .
He died prematurely because he became too strong .
Putting myself in battle is like whittling my own life . That is also another contradiction in me .
No, I know . I am…
“I…, miss everyday life . It’s fun to interact with people .
I’m just thinking about how to live without letting go of them .
That’s why I want to get stronger…, and I want to live while clinging to it…”
“That’s the reason of your weakness . ”
The answer was immediate, then I dropped on my knees with a jerk . I look away from Yoiyami-san and stare at the ground .
It felt like I was powerfully hit in the pit of my stomach . I was so struck to the core .
It was me who broke…?
“Do you have money to return?”
Asked by Mr . Yoyami, I shook my head .
Then, Yoiyami-san thrust his hand into his pocket and dropped some crumpled bills in front of me .
And Yoiyami-san passed me and entered the room .
The next morning .
I was sitting in front of Yaoyami-san’s door, holding my knees .
My sight is blurred . I have a stomachache . I’m thirsty . I can’t even clench my hands .
However, sensing that Yoiyami-san has woken up, I stand up .
The room’s door opened a little, and Yoiyami-san’s face peeked a bit from there .
And Yoiyami-san said .
“Get in . ”
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