"But I thought I saw one in your kitchen?"
"Oh, we have servants on the premises a day or two at a time; but we don't keep them."
FIRST MAID (bragging about a party given the day before by her mistress)--"And they all came in limousines, and had on the grandest clothes, and wore the biggest diamonds."
NEIGHBOR'S MAID--"And what did they talk about?"
FIRST MAID--"Us."
"I'm afraid I'll never be able to teach you anything, Maggie," was the despairing utterance of a Trenton woman to a new Irish domestic.
"Don't you know that you should always hand me notes and cards on a salver?"
"Sure, mum, I knew," answered Maggie, "but I didn't know you did."
Bridget had been discharged. Extracting a five-dollar bill from her wage-roll, she threw it to Fido. Then the shocked mistress heard her exclaim: "Sure 'n' I niver fergit a frind; that's fer helpin' me wash the dishes."
_See also_ Recommendations.
SERVICE
_Payment_
We pay too much with money, pay Our debts with gold, and only gold-- Bestow a purse and turn away, And think that song is bought and sold.
A queen paid Shakespeare for his wit, And thought that was the end of it.
We pay too much with money, deem A dollar can discharge a debt, Or buy a dress, or buy a dream, Perhaps a spray of mignonette.
The deft designer, what of her?
And who can pay a gardener?
We must pay money, and pay more-- The sustenance for daily need, And then the larger payment for The beauty dreamed, the planted seed-- With service pay for service, give The larger things by which we live.
Each has his gift and each his art That men for others must employ; We must contribute each his part To make the universal joy-- With service pay for service, pay Each in his own, his destined, way.
--_Douglas Malloch_.
SERVICE STAR
_The Gold Star_
Little golden service star, How I wonder who you are.
Does a sweetheart, or a wife, Love you, little star of "Life?"
Or a mother, proud but sad, Who gave all, her only lad?
When I first beheld you there You were blue, born with a prayer.
Golden star and star of blue-- With one soul God gave to you-- Do you know how proud we are Of the golden service star?
--_Beth Nichols_.
SHOPPING
CLERK--"Now see here little girl, I can't spend the whole day showing you penny toys. Do you want the earth with a little red fence around it for a cent?"
LITTLE GIRL--"Let me see it."
"How can you tell when a woman is only shopping?"
"When they intend to buy they ask to see something cheaper. When they're shopping they ask if you haven't something more expensive in stock."
In a busy department store, a lady asked to see blankets. After the clerk had emptied the shelves and piled the counters with blankets of every description and color, the lady thanked him and said: "I was just looking for a friend."
"Well, madam," said the obliging clerk, "if you think your friend is among these blankets, I'll look again."
"Was papa the first man who ever proposed to you, mama?"
"Yes; but why do you ask?"
"I was just thinking that you might have done better if you had shopped around a little more."
Here is a story of a lady who seemed to want a lot for her money. She rushed excitedly into the hardware department.
"Give me a mouse-trap!" she exclaimed. "Quickly, please, because I want to catch a train."
HUSBAND (discovering the hall full of packages)--"Heavens! You must have had a successful shopping day."
WIFE--"Yes, dear, and that isn't the best of it. I have actually got something that I am going to keep."--_Life_.
An old fellow who was noted through the town for his stuttering as well as for his shrewdness in making a bargain, stopped at a grocery and inquired:
"How m-m-many t-t-t-turkeys have you g-g-got?"