Happy New Year! To those of you who know Korean culture, there’s something called New Year’s money, which is when adults in a family give the young’uns some money. It’s awesome. So here’s Kkachi in a hanbok, acting like a kid!
"Snoore—."
Baduk, perhaps at ease because Kkachi swore on her own name, lay in the shade and started to sleep. Does what happened earlier not bother you at all? I'm jealous of how carefree she is. Rangii was sitting in my lap, keeping a sharp eye on Kkachi, and Saehee was sitting beside Kkachi and me. Kkachi sat opposite me and slowly revealed her story while avoiding eye contact with Rangii.
This story starts five days ago, when a rumor started circulating among the hiding phantoms. That rumor was that a scumbag, trash, lolicon, pedophile, crook, dog-forever-in-heat human came from Seoul and tricked their master, the tiger-nim, who would open the world for phantoms and turned her into his plaything.
I raised my hand and cut off Kkachi.
"So a scumbag, trash, lolicon, pedophile, crook, dog-forever-in-heat human tricked the tiger-nim who would open the world for phantoms and turned her into his plaything. Who the heck is that human?"
Kkachi's hair pointed at me. I didn't want to know that she could use her hair to do that in a situation like this.
"It is you."
Clack. I was grinding my teeth together.
"Who started that rumor?"
"I don't know."
I don't know who you are, but just wait until I get my hands on you. I'll show you my wrath. And Saehee. Are you smiling because you're happy about something? Do you get your kicks from me getting treated like this?
"Then I will continue."
"Yeah."
Kkachi continued her story.
The phantoms who heard that rumor went crazy. Finally, the tiger-nim's seal would be broken and the age of humans who forced them to hide would end. The age of freedom for phantoms would be opened. But then that trash human tricked the tiger-nim with sweet words and made her into his toy. And so, it would not have been strange for the rage of us phantoms to pierce the heavens. The furious phantoms wanted to act for the innocent tiger-nim, and through brutal, evil schemes, they all left their hideouts to go to Jirisan and ask the reputable Saehee-nim what in the world happened.
"Is that so?"
"Is there a problem?"
Saehee's starting to look pretty cool, seeing as how she's so generous.
And then. The tiger-nim's roar rang through the mountains. That was a warning that if anyone bothered her, they would be severely punished. So what I felt back then wasn't just my imagination. The phantoms were left trembling in fear, unable to do anything. But then just yesterday. Rangii roared to keep anyone from bothering her, and then she tried to forcibly break the seal, plaguing them all with anxiety. Thankfully the seal was not broken, but all the phantoms were curious. Why in the world would the tiger-nim try and break the seal when it would break of its own accord in just a few years? And yesterday evening. The rumor that I made Rangii try and break the seal started spreading.
…There's nothing incorrect about what she said, but I didn't want Rangii to do that.
"And so, you are public among the phantoms. If only you were gone, the tiger-nim would soon be freed and our era would come. But then you tricked the tiger-nim with your honeyed words."
"Wait."
I cut off Kkachi again.
I know Saehee told me and no one else the truth about the seal. But I didn't trick Rangii, nor did I intentionally get Rangii to break out of the seal. I don't know why that rumor appeared.
I turned and looked at Saehee, the only one who can help me with this development. I was about to ask her what Kkachi was talking about, but Saehee took the initiative.
"I will prepare my piece and tell you separately. For now, please listen to what that thing has to say."
She probably-no-definitely knows something.
We'll talk later.
"Yeah. Ah, sorry. Please continue."
"Then yesterday someone approached me. And asked me to kill you. Even if I failed, that person promised to care for my family. She swore on her name from heaven." (tn: Gender-neutral pronoun used, for "her" but let's face it. The antagonist is probably female. Plus I already know the answer.)
"So then you tried to kill me?"
Kkachi looked unhappy, and she flapped her hair after she turned her head to the side as if in complaint.
"The truth is, there is no need for me to tell you all this, but since you saved my life twice despite my not wanting you to, I had no choice. Now we're even."
What a strangely polite kid. But I'm sad my life is only worth the knowledge of a rumor that Saehee already knows. But I should be satisfied since I learned why Kkachi tried to kill me and why she wasn't afraid to die.
"All right. This is the last one. But you still won't try and kill me inside the house, right?"
Kkachi scowled, likely offended at what I said.
"Unlike you, I am a nice phantom who keeps her word!"
If someone heard that, they'd think I was a crook who spouted lies the second he opened his mouth.
"Okay."
What I need now is time to think about all this.
I mulled over what Kkachi said with my chin resting on my hand, when I felt something hitting my side. It was Rangii's tail. Rangii must be in a really bad mood because she was staring daggers at Kkachi, and only her tail was focused on me. And the recipient of that fierce gaze, Kkachi, was … on her knees while surreptitiously moving backwards away from Rangii. Seeing her pretending to be calm makes me feel bad for her.
"What's wrong?"
Rangii looked at me with the light of protest in her eyes.
"So according to that thing, there's a rumor that you're a bad person being spread?"
"Yeah."
"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuu."
Rangii looked like she was about to explode, so I put my chin on the top of her head and calmed her down.
"I don't care about the rumor. As long as you guys know the truth, I'm fine."
Don't misunderstand. All I'm saying is that I don't want to get to know other phantoms.
It seemed like Rangii's anger was going to subside after I said that, but got angry just like before.
"Still, I don't like that rumors like that are spreading! I'll do something about it!"
You are saying something I am having trouble believing.
"I said it's okay."
"I hate it! Sunghoon isn't bad! You're not a bad person! Why do you have to suffer due to that misunderstanding?!"
She looked just like a guy who heard people insulting the girl he likes behind her back. That made me a little happy. Although such an upset Rangii disappeared after she said something so weird.
"Ah! I just have to do that?!"
Rangii looked up at me with a smile on her face. It seems like she has a good idea.
"Do what?"
"I can stop those children who mistakenly think you're a bad person by killing that thing and making an example of…"
Now you're asking for a hit to the noggin. I slightly moved my chin and squeezed her ears hard.
"Unyaaaaa! Sp, spare Rangii!"
It seemed like it really hurt so I moved my chin off her head and spoke.
"If you say something deserving punishment, then you need to be punished. What do you think a person, I mean, a phantom's life is?"
"Uuu…"
Gingerly holding her ears in her hands, Rangii looked up at me with tears in her eyes as if I acted unfairly, inexplicably making me feel guilty. But I didn't do anything wrong. Yeah. I didn't do anything wrong. And while I was avoiding eye contact with Rangii,
"Then…"
Saehee spoke to Kkachi.
"Because the story the Young Master wanted to hear is over, you should die now."
What do you think I just said?
"Hey."
Saehee turned her head to look at me. She looked as if she was asking me Do you have something to say.
"The heck do you mean, You should die now?"
"Has everyone not heard the story that was keeping it alive until now? Thus I shall deal with it."
It was difficult to understand what she was thinking because her expression didn't change at all. By her expression alone, I couldn't even guess if Saehee was really trying to kill Kkachi, or if she was only trying to scare her. I tried to take control of the conversation, but Sahee was one step ahead of me.
"Were you thinking of letting it go because of that sole reason?"
That's not it. Of course, I also wanted to know why a stranger tried to kill me, but that's not all.
"Just to make sure, were you planning on sparing it even after what it did?
The problem was after this. I hadn't thought even once about what to do with Kkachi. Seeing me unable to speak, Saehee spoke as if she lamented her course of action.
"In the end, is this why the Young Master is called the Young Master? The notion that boys have no foresight has become an old proverb, it seems." (tn: This is me trying to be clever. I googled the term 괄목상대 and found a story about the Three Kingdoms. Based on what was written earlier and the story I read about the term I don't know, I inferred that Saehee was insulting Sunghoon for not thinking ahead. Hopefully I'm right, but the odds aren't in my favor.)
Kugh. I don't have anything to say. I felt something boiling within me as I was treated like this. I'm doing the best I can!
I was wondering if there was any way to hit Saehee, when Kkachi spoke and cut off my thinking.
"I don't care if you kill me. I would have preferred for you to die, but this is fine as well. Because I have prepared my resolve. If I can bring my parents happiness with my life, even if I must sacrifice my body… What's wrong with you?
Kkachi changed the subject after she looked at me. Rangii realized something was wrong and looked up when,
"…Hunyaa?!"
She leapt from her seat and ran, hiding behind Saehee. Rangii using Saehee as a wall was cute, but I wasn't in the mood to enjoy seeing Rangii like that. What I'm saying is that I got angry after I heard what Kkachi said. Extremely angry. I must not look particularly good right now when I'm so angry. Enough to make Rangii run away. But still, please understand. Isn't it natural to get angry right now?
Every word she said was a poke in an open wound.
The hell do you mean it's okay if I die as long as my parents are happy? The hell do you mean by sacrificing your body? Is that something to be happy about? The hell do you mean 'You need to be happy.' Huh?!
That's right. If I ignore the embarrassing things like that and speak honestly, I see that arrogant brat Kkachi and the cute and lovely Rangii as similar. I can see the girl who stubbornly tries to die for her family's happiness as identical to Rangii, who tried to sacrifice herself for my sake.
That's why I'm getting so upset. I'm pissed. My chest is throbbing with pain.
Maybe all the magic could do in one night was heal my physical wounds.
"Doing that won't make anyone happy."
She's going to sacrifice herself to make someone else happy. That's complete nonsense. I told her to her face that it was nonsense. Kkachi was furious at having her resolve invalidated.
"What do you know for you to say that?!"
"Because I was left behind like that!"
And that was just yesterday!
I looked at Rangii. Rangii flinched after realizing I was looking at her, and she started fidgeting with her tail and lowered her head apologetically. Don't worry. I'm not getting mad at you. After all, you realized you were wrong and said you'd be by my side from now on.
I turned to look at Kkachi again.
"So stop that nonsense and go home. Do you really think your family would be happy if you died? You stupid brat?!"
"You're the one spouting nonsense without knowing my circumstances!"
After spitting that out, Kkachi hastily shut her mouth. …So there's a reason why she's doing all this. Kkachi regretted her mistake and kept her mouth shut, and I was busy thinking about why a young phantom like Kkachi would try and give up her life for her parents. So silence fell between us for a moment.
Saehee broke that silence.
"I am sorry to interrupt while you are so engrossed in your idiotic banter, but Young Master, you are getting sidetracked."
Not only that, but she what she said was both hurtful and valid.
"Although this seems to have nothing to do with the seemingly deaf Young Master, I was talking about dealing with that thing."
"So?"
"That thing's intentions and resolve, its family's happiness and misery. They bear no connection with what the Young Master is thinking of. What is important to me is Master's happiness. I will kill that thing. Among the solutions to this ordeal, that is the easiest and simplest one."
Saehee was serious. It was as if every single one of her words could cut flesh, and I could see that she was going to ignore any half-assed arguments.
It's pathetic, but I went to Rangii for help.
"Do you also think that way?"
"…Unyaa."
Rangii avoided answering by hiding behind Saehe with an extremely troubled look on her face.
I understood. If I was in Rangii's position, I would've acted the exact same way. Although something like that probably won't happen.
Because the strongest of my forces has declared her neutrality, I didn't have anything to say. Saehee interpreted my silence as temporary permission, and she took one step towards Kkachi while pulling something out of her sleeve. It's a bone club. The noona who's exactly my type and has a rocking body, I mean, the noona with huge breasts I just want to bury my face into and rub them… How come no matter what the situation, I always end up thinking like this? Anyways, Jeongmi-noona was wielding it before, Ungnyeo's Bone Club.
"Why do you have that?!"
"Did Jeongmi-nim not tell you she was leaving this with us as a gesture of reconciliation?"
She clearly said that. She said she entrusted something to Saehee as an apologize, but how could she give Saehee that?!
"Isn't that thing dangerous?"
"It is. Even the Young Master, who has less spiritual energy than a water flea, could kill a sizeable phantom if you hit it hard enough. If you were to shout Jeonbok Iksan, your strike would be twice as powerful." (tn: I translated this wrong in the manhwa. In a fighting game, it sounds as if Ryo Sazakai says the name for a railway station in Korean while he gives a powerful death blow.)
I don't know what she's talking about, but that last bit is probably a joke so I'll ignore it.
"She gave you that?!"
"It is okay. It was not enough at first, but in exchange, she received embarrassing pictures of Master." (tn: For Christ's sake… I misread the manhwa and put Young Master instead of Master. Saehee made it intentionally vague!)
Among the people connected to the phantoms, there's not a single person in their right mind besides me. But why is she looking at me? While I was busy thinking about something else, Saehee grabbed Kkachi's hand and pulled her to her feet.
"In any case, because the Young Master promised not to harm you inside the house, I shall kill you outside."
"I will go by myself."
Kkachi accepted her death like a flower blooming with dignity in the dead of winter and walked in front of Saehee, opening the door and exiting the room. I desperately said something as Saehee followed behind Kkachi.
"Wait."
Saehee turned her head.
"What is it, Young Master?"
"There's no need to kill her. Can't we just chase her out?"
Saehee smiled, but it wasn't a human smile. She smiled like a ghost.
"Foolish Young Master. There is no way this situation can end with an Everybody lives happily ever after ending. Did you not hear me? The phantom who demanded the Young Master's death swore on her heaven-blessed name to provide payment in exchange. Thus, there is no way that this thing will not do just that."
That's… I didn't even think of that. Is that why Rangii didn't say anything? I was stupider than Rangii.
"As long as that thing is alive and the promise is still in effect, it will try and kill the Young Master no matter the cost. Please think about the impact that would have on Master. You foolish Young Master."
Ugh. I was at a loss. If she's thinking like that, there's no way I can stop her. No, no matter what I said earlier, Saehee wouldn't have listened. Since her first priority is Rangii's happiness. It's difficult to say this, but I'm the measure of Rangii's happiness. There's no way Rangii could be at ease if she thinks that I could be in danger.
But I want to save Kkachi. I already said why once, so I'm not going to say it again.
The problem is how to persuade Saehee. How can I make Rangii happy because of Kkachi…
Right then. I unbelievable came up with the perfect solution. The solution to resolve this whole situation.
It's a ridiculous solution, but I can't think of anything else. I don't have the time to think of anything else. Saehee and Kkachi were already walking towards the courtyard while I was thinking about other solutions.
Just do it. I need to do it. It's my only choice. It's okay. Rangii and Kkachi, both of them shouldn't have any idea about what I'm talking about. I just need to withstand it when Saehee mocks me. If I let Kkachi die because of a reason like that, I would regret this moment for the rest of my life.
Because I'd feel guilty if someone died because of me!
"…For her sake."
I said it quietly, but it was enough to stop Saehee.
"Excuse me?"
I clenched my fists hard and shouted even as blood rushed to my face.
"I said it's for Rangii's sake!"
Even I think this doesn't make any sense. Saehee and Kkachi both must have thought like that too, because they turned around.
"There is a difference between the language of humans and that of beasts, Young Master."
Putting her words through the filter in my brain, she was telling me to explain properly. Even as I felt like I would go insane from shame, I vocalized the ridiculous solution I had thought of.
"I'm saying that because I'm a virgin, I need someone to practice with before my first night with Rangii!!"
Alive for 17 years. Have I ever felt such a cool gust of wind before? I haven't. Nor will I feel it again. Or at least, I hope so.
After a short silence.
Saehee, knowing my words to be absurd, looked at me with her mouth slightly open when,
"What's a virgin?"
Rangii demanded an explanation as she pulled on my pants. Baduk just raised her ear slightly then lowered it back, and Kkachi…
"Kya, kyawooooo—!!"
She screamed as her face turned red.
…Wait.
Oi, no way?!
Realizing the truth, my face turned red enough to rival Kkachi's.
"Y, you know what that is?!"
"Of, of course I do!!"
"What do you mean of course?! You cheeky little brat!"
"Who are you calling cheeky?! Are you an idiot? I'm already over five hundred years old! Did you think someone at my age wouldn't know what that is? You sex maniac!"
"Hunyang?"
Rangii, who is over four thousand years old, couldn't follow the conversation and made a question mark. In the middle of us, the corners of Saehee's mouth were twitching as she stifled her laughter as she spoke.
"Do, do you mean what you just said?"
There's nowhere I can run. Kkachi's life and my shame! The things I'm weighing may be strange, but a person's life is still precious!
"I'm, I'm serious!"
But I couldn't help that my voice was unsteady.
"I, I mean since I have no ex, experience, Rangii will be in pain and not enjoy it! So I need experience! With someone the same age as Rangii! Yeah! Kkachi is just right!"
I'm dead. Something within me died.
"Pervert! Lolicon! Horny mutt!!"
Kkachi screamed as her face paled, unaware of my sacrifice.
"Sunghoon, what in the world are you talking about? I have no idea what you mean by being in pain or enjoying something."
Rangii. The only reason why I can survive right now is because you don't know those things. Don't try and find out.
"Pu, Puhahahaha!!"
Saehee bent over and exploded in laughter, unable to hold it in anymore. It really doesn't fit her, that laughing sound. At the sound of Saehee' laughter, Rangii's tail went straight up in surprise. Kkachi seemed to be wondering what that woman was doing. And among us, only Baduk had distanced herself from this chaos and was taking a carefree nap.
Ah, it must be great to be a dog.
"Ah… Truly. The Young Master is truly a freak beyond my expectations. I suppose the apple does not fall far from the tree?"
"Who are you calling a freak, who?!"
Saehee pointed at me.
"Your bad temper is identical to my older brother's when he was young."
That was the worst thing in the world, and I really didn't want to find that out like this.
"Understood, Young Master. For the Young Master's sexual desire and Master's first experience, I shall respect the Young Master's decision."
Kkachi's face paled at those words.
"Kyawoo! No! Please just kill me! I would rather bite my tongue and die than be humiliated by that human!"
If I did anything to you then I'd get strangled to death too, you brat. Looks like I need to make time to explain that what I said was a lie. But before that, I need to stop Kkachi from killing herself because she really was sticking her tongue out and about to bite.
"You must not do that, Kkachi-nim."
Kkachi stopped as Saehee bent down as if about to whisper to Kkachi and spoke.
"Taking your own life would be breaking that promise. Please quietly play the part of the Young Master's toy. If I see the Young Master reject you even once, at that moment, I cannot take responsibility for your parent's safety, Kkachi-nim.
Is it just my imagination? It seemed like Saehee grew a tail, sprouted horns from her head, and her tongue was split like a snake's.
"Wh, what?!"
Kkachi tried to say something when,
"You are aware of the rumors about me, correct?"
"Awooo-."
She lowered her head, unable to say anything, and continually moaned awoo, awoo. The problem is that now isn't the time to pay attention to Kkachi.
Because I was no longer able to ignore Rangii, who was saying scary things and had been poking me in the belly since earlier.
"Why won't you tell me anything? What's a virgin? And what do you mean by experience? What kind of experience are you going to get with Kkachi? Why would I be in pain? And what's that about enjoying something? Tell me. Hm? Tell me too. Whiiine. I'm the only one being left out. It's lonely if I'm the only one left out. I'm lonely."
…What should I say to Rangii who's about to burst into tears?