Sorry that this took so long. I’d just like to say…it’s damn good to be back. The reason why it took so long was because I actually started writing this on a real, authentic typewriter. The reason why was because it made me type slower and think out what I was going to write rather than just moving my fingers as I translated literally. That’s right. I actually put thought into these translations rather than just regurgitate them out. Yay. And so, here’s your piece of trash lolicon light novel 😀
I sadly don’t have a scanner or any way to get the illustrations and stuff for free as of yet. I’ll try and figure something out.
I feel itchy and wet.
I was dead tired after my idiocy caused Rangii to run away, whine, and rebel, but what the heck is tickling my cheek? I woke up from my sleep because of this warm yet wet, rough feeling I had never felt before. I saw an unfamiliar ceiling, no, I saw a ceiling I'd slowly gotten used to. I also saw two little girls in the background of my view of the ceiling with their tongues sticking out.
To my left was the tiger phantom Rangii. Her true form is Jirisan, but right now she was in her human form. The name she was blessed with by heaven, or more simply, her true name, is Bumii. Since that name has a mysterious power, I usually call her Rangii, which is a nickname from the word for tiger and her name, Ho Rangii.
To my right was the dog phantom Baduk. Her real name is Shin-ah. Grandpa apparently gave her the name Baduk, but aren't yellow dogs usually named Nureongi? By now, Grandpa's naming sense was clear. Because when I think of my dad's name, Baduk being named Baduk isn't weird at all (tn: Sunghoon is implying that his dad's name is Sungham, a word for name in Korean). But still. I have no idea why these brats have their tongues out. Or why Rangii was bringing her face right next to me.
"Oi."
I was about to say something when Rangii stuck out her tongue and licked me.
I realized what was tickling my cheek at the same time that I was surprised. Even after I came to this realization, Baduk licked my other cheek, and Rangii again—."
"What are you two doing?!"
I pushed my palm towards Rangii. Despite my thinking that she would stop, this brat instead licked my palm. Heek?!
"Huh?"
Maybe she realized something strange after she licked my palm because she made a question mark above her head.
"So this is the taste of a palm?"
I bet you could even tell the taste of a lie. Baduk wasn't even paying attention to what was happening around her as she lowered her head to lick my cheek. Having learned my lesson from my previous failure, I grabbed Baduk by the collar of her shirt and pulled her away. Her tongue came dangerously close to grazing my cheek. I moved to get up when I stopped the causes of my waking up.
"Unyaa!"
Rangii growled adorably, and she pushed down on my chest with both her hands.
"Lie down! You can't get up yet!"
"That's right, Young Master! Your medical treatment isn't done yet!"
Medical treatment? What treatment, oi, did they mean…
"By medical treatment do you mean licking me with your tongues?"
Rangii was initially surprised, but then she triumphantly sat up straight and put her fist on her chest.
"That's right. My husband is truly knowledgeable. Saehee told me. My saliva has a marvelous power so licking someone like this will make their pain…"
"Like hell!"
"Unyaa?"
Surprised, Rangii fell and rolled backwards. I raised the blanket to cover my chest, got up, and shouted.
"Saeeeheeeee!"
"She left the house to buy groceries for breakfast," said Baduk.
So she ran away, that human. No, that ghost. Even though she must have known what would happen if she told them to do this. Rangii must have thought I looked worried while I was thinking that. Rangii suddenly got up, charged on top of my lap, and smiled with her teeth showing. She probably did this to help me relax.
"Don't worry. Since long ago, people have said that a tiger's body is the best for a feeble person's energy. If I use my strength, I could even save someone who's at death's door."
What are you, a lingzi mushroom? Traditional Chinese medicine definitely says that among medicines, tiger medicine is the cream of the crop, but that's talking about normal tigers, not phantoms like you. I was thinking about how to fix her skewed common sense when she went 'ah' and made a question mark with her hair.
"Do you know what Saehee meant when she said the best way to heal you was for you to eat me?"
"I've also heard that I am eaten three times in the summer to increase male stamina. That is what I've heard, Young Master."
Baduk looked at me with a naïve look on her face as she pointed at herself and spoke.
"Would you like to eat me?"
…I don't know where she went to get groceries, but I'm going to go get her.
Right now I'm at my grandpa's traditional Korean home. This is after my eccentric grandpa who I've never met even once tricked me into coming here when he took an overseas vacation, proving him to be even weirder than my dad. The house looks like a traditional Korean home on the outside, but the inside was remodeled to be comfortable to live in, so maybe I should call it a modern traditional Korean home. The house is in the shape of a ㄱ so so starting from the end, there is my room, an empty room, the living room, the master bedroom, the kitchen, and a bathroom; across the courtyard was an outhouse. The extremely large courtyard has a well maintained flower garden, and a seemingly unused men's study, a storehouse, a stable, an outdoor food storage area, and a simple faucet used to wash oneself; but all of this stuff doesn't really matter. The important thing right now is that I came here several days ago from Seoul to pay my respect to Grandpa, but instead of visiting his grave, I met Rangii who said things as if she wanted to turn my life into a grave. And all that happened after we met will probably be the most memorable events of my life. Well, since a lot has happened. Be them good or bad.
Rangii said, "Saehee said that you should eat me alive, but what does that mean?"
And Baduk said, "She said everything would be ready to eat when you woke up, but what does that mean?"
No, there are lots of bad things. I kicked out the two brats who said dangerous things with innocent looks on their faces.
Last night. Since I only had on a pair of underwear for the medical treatment I received before, I naturally had a pair on right now as well. I couldn't go out dressed like this, so I looked around for clothes. And of course I couldn't find anything.
"…Is there no clothes?"
"I have prepared that, Master."
Holy crap! Startled, I turned around to find Saehee kneeling meekly as if she'd always been there. She is Rangii's changgwi, a phantom, no, ghost, who has the hobby of sneakily harassing others.
Like now.
"Don't suddenly appear behind me!"
"I intentionally did this because I had thought you had become accustomed to my initiating conversation with you, Master."
"So you're doing this on purpose?"
"Do you now realize that?"
They say that if you're patient three times, you can get away with murder; but you're a ghost so that doesn't apply. You'd better watch out.
"When'd you get here?"
"How heartless, Master who likely would not spill a drop of blood even if your face were to be stabbed. For you to ask me 'When'd you get here?' after I left at dawn to get groceries, returned to hear your distressed cries, and came here immediately."
Ah, for reference, Saehee is especially good at talking so that she makes others seem like the bad guy. You can't take everything she says seriously.
"Okay. Sorry. And thanks."
"So this is what is meant by fishing for compliments."
I'll ignore that.
"More importantly, my clothes?"
"They were in tatters so I threw them away."
That's right. Because of Rangii's tiger punch, my clothes weren't wearable any more. I almost met the same fate as my clothes. Although it seemed like I was properly wearing clothes, hat was not the case.
"That is why I have come prepared."
I unfolded the clothes she handed me, and…
I threw them on the ground.
"Are you telling me to wear that?!"
I may seem like the bad guy right now, but please listen to what I have to say first. The clothes Saehee handed me was what Rangii usually wears. So the front of the shirt was fairly exposed, and the shorts barely went down to thigh level. There were no differences except it was a little bigger.
How could I wear that?
Saehee picked up the clothes with one hand, listened to what I had to say as if I was a barking dog, and she responded with an expressionless face.
"This is my preference."
"This isn't my preference."
"This is my preference."
Saehee wasn't showing any sign of backing off, but I also couldn't lose this time. Think about it. The only reason these clothes look good is because Rangii wears them. And you want me to wear that? Is there a reason for me to walk deep into the mountains with a thick rope in hand and find a strong tree?!
"Your preference is me wearing clothes like this?"
"This is my preference. Please respect that."
Preference like hell—you're just making fun of me. Saehee glared at me as if she would not tolerate any more back talk. Normally I'd have put my tail between my legs and acquiesced, but today I absolutely could not do that. I glared right back at her. Our staring contest continued for several seconds, then,
"…Doing that troubles me, Master."
"I'm the one who's troubled. And I wanted to tell you this since yesterday; stop calling me Matser. It feels gross."
I don't want to be called Master by Saehee at all. Because being called Master makes a growing teenage boy like me feel strange. So…what I'm saying is that it's a little erotic.
He who has never seen erotic pictures, books, manhwa, or videos, let him cast the first at me.
I don't want to hear these words that make me have erotic feelings from Saehee. If I did have to hear them, I'd want a blushing, embarrassed Narae to say that while in a maid outfit with a short skirt and low-cut top, or Rangii when she has on a cute maid outfit with lots of frills…no, why am I thinking about this all of a sudden?
"Were you not the one who said to call you Master, Master?"
I never said anything like that.
"I didn't, okay? I demand normal clothes and a normal title! Not something like this! If you give me Baduk's clothes or yours I'll get mad, okay?!"
"Tch."
Saehee clicked her tongue and bowed her head. Were you really going to do that if I hadn't said anything?
"If the Young Master wants normal clothing like that of a water flea's, then I have no choice."
Having lowered my title to Young Master, Saehee handed me a t-shirt and pants.
"Then I shall go and prepare breakfast."
"Okay."
Saehee disappeared from the room as silently as she had entered. What the heck does she think a door is for?