Published at 21st of November 2020 06:12:46 PM
Chapter 88: 88
Some truths couldn’t be swallowed no matter how hard you tried .
“I don’t hate you . ” Evelyn said .
Fabian’s eyes shook as he stared at Evelyn’s trembling lips .
“And Your Majesty now has done nothing wrong to me……you never did . ”
Two years had passed since Evelyn left Fabian at the age of twenty . He was a very busy husband, and he was terrible at showing his emotions, but that’s all .
“Then, why?” Fabian looked at Evelyn with sore eyes . But Evelyn couldn’t tell him, because that misfortune hadn’t happened in her life yet . “What has made us like this? He asked with a voice filled with emptiness .
“Your Majesty, It’s all over now . ”
“It’s not over yet . It’s a painful thing that’s constantly repeated for me now . ”
“Still . . …you promised . ” Evelyn tried to shake off his hand, but Fabian held her wrist tighter . “Even if Your Majesty knows the reason, our future won’t change . ”
Fabian ended up saying it out loud, laughing, “I thought so . That’s why, I said I was wrong . “When he felt that Evelyn’s love for him had completely disappeared, he witnessed the truth .
“The child’s eyes were full of love . When you begged me to save him, you was so desperate that you felt like dying . ”
“That’s…”
“You love him, my child . ” he said .
Evelyn’s heart dropped with a thump .
“You used to look at me like that child . ”
She thought she would be fine now . Evelyn thought that her feelings became dull, and her love had faded .
“Isn’t he the child we’ve got because of love?”
When she became a mother, Evelyn thought that her woman’s heart would disappear .
“At least, he exists because you once loved me …… Isn’t he that child?”
Evelyn always thought Fabian was a strong man . She felt that he could forget everything because being in pain wasn’t his job . Sadness was something that only Evelyn could swallow . She felt that her misfortunes and sorrows were all her own .
But, Evelyn was wrong .
“Now I have nothing left to give up . Can’t you be honest with me for a while?” Fabian caught Evelyn’s tired look . He had been patient with it so far and had endured it well . But as soon as he saw her face turned so pale, Fabian was overwhelmed with emotion .
“We’ve been through a lot of hardships . ”
Fabian said “we . ”
“Even though our reason might be different, the hearts will be the same . ” His hands gently covered the back of Evelyn’s hand . It was the same touch as when they first met, and it was as hot as being embraced in his arms .
Evelyn couldn’t bear it, and she kept crying . “You still say… . . we?” If Fabian spoke to her so kindly like this in her previous life, Evelyn wouldn’t have made this choice . No, if the one in front of her right now was Fabian of the past, then she could hate him .
“It’s because it’s ‘we’ . It’s hard for each other… . don’t you think?”
Evelyn had a complicated mind now . She felt so confused . Which was the real Fabian? If this was his true self, why did Evelyn lose her child twice, get sick and die at 30?
“I can’t help it . I won’t change my mind . Once tied up together by a relationship, I couldn’t be with anyone else…… . What about you?”
“……Yes?”
“Don’t you always have a hard time looking back at the past?”
The undeniable words pierced Evelyn’s heart . She couldn’t disagree with him . Fabian clearly saw Evelyn’s eyes trembling at that moment .
“Have we been honest with each other until this moment, even once, since we broke up under the golden wood tree? … . . I don’t remember that . ”
“Divorce has no future,” she said .
“I’m talking about now . Every moment we’re living and seeing each other . It exists no matter what you say . ” Fabian told her . It was also at this very moment . Evelyn, trapped in the past, didn’t want to admit it, but the two had come this far .
“Now, just as our child exists . I’ve changed . Just as you’ve changed, Evelyn . It wasn’t a short time . ”
The promise to keep a secret didn’t work between the two . Fabian already knew, so Evelyn couldn’t go back . And indeed everything that Evelyn remembered had changed from the previous life .
“Your Majesty, I can’t give you anything or any answer . ”
Sponsored Content
Fabian slowly closed his eyes, “But you still don’t resist me . That’s enough for me . ”
Evelyn avoided his gaze in embarrassment . As if he didn’t care, Fabian leaned his head back on Evelyn’s lap like what he always did in the past, when he spent time alone at the Empress’s residence . “Just for a moment, let me stay like this . ” Fabian’s voice seemed so tired that she couldn’t push him away . As he said, they already had a hard time .
“Some things don’t change . ” His voice rang softly . Only Evelyn’s body scent and warmth didn’t change . Just her awkward movements and her thin body that hurt his heart . “I … … have I changed a lot?” asked Fabian .
“Yes . ” Evelyn answered him in silence . Fabian had changed a lot since they met again after the divorce . He did something that Evelyn couldn’t have imagined before, and he no longer hid his feelings . It was all enough to say that the present Fabian was a different person .
“Yes… . . ” Fabian responded in a low voice . A gentle night wind blew, passing through his tired and scattered hair . “You too… . . ” With his head still buried, Fabian stretched out his hand and touched Evelyn’s cheek . Then, he put his hand on her head . It was the same old habit . ” Alone… …you must have a hard time . ”
He was jealous of Evelyn’s bright smile . Fabian hated her because she looked radiant and happy .
“You alone … have raised my child so well . ”
Fabian’s heartfelt words made Evelyn tearful .
“You must be struggled a lot while did it by yourself . ”
Evelyn shook her head, “I wasn’t alone . ” If she were really alone, she wouldn’t have been able to come this far . Apart from Fabian’s pain, the time she gave birth and raised Adrian was full of happiness .
“I was happy to have Adrian . I mean it . ”
“Even though you’ve become so thin?” Fabian raised his head and looked at Evelyn . For a moment, he felt a little annoyed with Adrian when he saw Evelyn was so thin . But Fabian actually knew it . That the biggest cause of Evelyn’s hardship was him .
“Is he more precious than your life?”
“Yes . ”
Fabian smiled bitterly when she answered without hesitation . “That’s something I envy ……” It seemed that at some point, Fabian’s tough side seemed to be softened . It might be the affection of the past or similar warmth, that settled in this place .
“I will live for that child . I’ve already decided that way . ” Evelyn said as calmly as she could . “So… . . I can’t be by your side . I’m sorry . ”
“I see…” Even though Fabian had heard it a thousand times, still, her rejection was so painful . There was a bitter taste in his mouth . It was a taste he had never known before .
“Your Majesty… . are you going to take the child away from me?” Evelyn mustered up her courage to ask . She wanted to hear Fabian’s answer instead of always feeling scared and anxious .
Sponsored Content
“Why do you think like that?” he asked .
“That’s… . . It’s Empire’s law . ”
And because until now Fabian still hadn’t let go of Evelyn . There was no better bait than a child to capture Evelyn . How could a brilliant Emperor like Fabian miss such an opportunity?
“Evelyn…… you’re not good at lying . ” Fabian stared at Evelyn, then gave a long sigh, “And… . Don’t make that face . ” His low voice resonated like a calm consolation as his fierce atmosphere disappeared . “It’s like I’m tormenting you… . . If I intended to take that child as a hostage to take you back, I have done it long ago . ”
Again, the man in front of her was unfamiliar .
“If I wanted to take you by force, I wouldn’t have been waiting for two years, with or without a child . ” Fabian laughed bitterly as she watched Evelyn blinked her eyes as if she couldn’t think of that .
“Why . Do you still see me as a bad guy?”
“No, I don’t mean that……”
Fabian took a deep breath . He had a lot of things to tell, but he couldn’t say it, so he just kept sighing as he was disappointed . “I’ve already accepted the reality that you’re unhappy with me, and that you don’t want to be with me . ” He didn’t know why, but that was for sure . “Maybe, that’s my fault . ”
Fabian’s heartless words made Evelyn’s heart broke .
“Maybe, marriage wasn’t right for me from the beginning . No, it’s not maybe but it’s will . ” Only now did Fabian pour out his late feelings . “Looking back, my mother also used to say that she feels uncomfortable breathing when she’s beside the Emperor . You said that Imperial men are worse than stone floors . Even then I couldn’t understand what that meant . ”
The Empress Dowager always disgusted when talking about her Emperor-husband . The reluctance expression on his mother’s face was so vivid that Fabian quickly realized that he wasn’t the fruit of their love .
“Perhaps, I had a side that caught your breath too . ”
Evelyn also remembered the Empress Dowager . She was a nervous and cold woman . And she was a bad mother . Now, after she had a child, Evelyn could see it more clearly .
“No . ”
Fabian’s eyes were shaken by her unexpected answer .
“It’s not . ” It wasn’t a foolish regret . Evelyn just thought that some facts should never be blurred . “I’ve never minded Your Majesty . And I’ve never been reluctant to do it . ”
She loved him . It was love at one time .
“Adrian was born on my wish . ” Evelyn must not spoil that precious fact because such a mistake was irreversible . “He was a child that was born because of love . That fact doesn’t change . ”
Sponsored Content
Fabian should have known that, as he found out the child’s existence .
“I know… . . ” His voice sounded relieved, “That child… . He’s happy . ” Fabian never had such happiness . Now, he could understand Evelyn’s story in the garden of the Felice Kingdom . At that time, Evelyn asked about his childhood who grew up as the Emperor’s heir . And she looked at Fabian with sorrowful eyes .
“Evelyn… . Do you really think I won’t be able to protect that happiness?” Now Fabian started to put together Evelyn’s puzzle-like reasons little by little . As an Emperor, there was no such thing like incompetence . He wasn’t a man who couldn’t protect his own children .
“Your Majesty, it’s not your fault . But… …yes . Me and Adrian can’t be happy in the Imperial family . ”
Fabian no longer answered . He only looked deeply at Evelyn and closed his eyes again, unable to hide his tiredness .
“But, isn’t it too much to not give me a chance . ”
Evelyn lowered her head at his depressed voice . It was very unfair to Fabian right now, but both of them knew what it was like to grow up as heir to the Imperial family . Fabian never realized it was a misfortune, but it would be different for Adrian .
“Forgive me… . but the fact that you’re an Emperor remains unchanged . ”
“So, what you said to me in the Felice garden was sincere . ” he said .
Evelyn admitted her mistake . She wasn’t supposed to be an Empress . That was her fault .
“So, that’s what you meant when you asked me for a divorce and would quit the Empress . ” Whatever it was, Fabian was frustrated that he was late to realize it . If he had known Evelyn’s thoughts from the beginning, he wouldn’t have let her go this far .
“But, Isn’t it too mean to think and decide it on your own?”
“I know, but…… . ” Evelyn felt sad . “I know, but Your Majesty can’t quit . ”
It was the only thing the Emperor couldn’t do . It was a law that the Imperial Emperor couldn’t abdicate until the end of his life . Once Fabian was crowned, he couldn’t live another life other than as an Emperor .
“If you’re so sorry, you should stay by my side . ”
Evelyn smiled bitterly when she heard Fabian’s sad words .
It was time to end this position . As if he had an inkling about it, Fabian rose to his feet reluctantly . And the time they could stay by each other’s side was over .